Nothingness surrounds my entirety of

Being alive and I can’t feel happy or sad or

Feel the rainwater on my arms or

Any emotion, really

This state of being empty encircles my

Mind and removes me from reality into

Another life, one where he isn’t dead and

We are pulled together, attracted by a heliotropic energy

In which I am the sun and he is the flower, filled with

Beauty and grace; and he is the sun and I am the flower,

Feeding on his radiating energy and I can feel everything

But the tighter that dream wraps around my

Head the longer it will take for me to

Feel anything again, to feel the wind on my arms, the

Coarse cotton tickling up from the carpet that

Comforts me as I lie here, contemplating my

Role in life, now that I am in the dark,

Directionless without him here

It’s the little things I miss from

The touch of his fingers to the

Sensation of his bones colliding against mine

I miss him but I also miss the

Feelings of pure bliss and joy, even

Anger and fear I long to feel again

More than anything I

Want to feel again

So I push my head off the floor and

Sit up with my back against my

Bed, blood rushing to my head and

A feeling of relief takes me by

Surprise and without control I

Push myself onto my feet and

Open the transparent glass pane

Shielding me from the outside world

I cannot fathom being the level of transparency that

I once felt, as thin as this window,

As though anyone could look through me and

See how I suffered, yet somehow

They would get it all wrong

I reach my hand out the window and

The wind blows over me

Bringing feeling into my fingertips,

As if it’s the first time I’ve

Touched something all over again