dear true love,
when was the last time I saw your smile?
was it months ago, or have you grinned all the while?
has it been hidden – from me –
I can see joy, bedridden in the folds near your eyes. but is it still meant for me?
or has enough time passed that when you look my way, it’s transparency?
I miss seeing you.
the everyday continuity is through, and I wish my rose-colored love was less freckled with blue.
so –
the rain is coming down in sheets. like pages of a book, waves of water flutter in the breeze. and it reminds me of you.

it was pouring when i saw her come down the street   i was drenched in rain without mud and my car was out of sight        there was no technology there    no phones, no watches, no noise, even            and yes, time seemed to stop    for every moment we were together               once again        well              they were treasured               and deserved to be cherished with our whole hearts    because she is so beautiful       that everything stopped to look at her                   to look at both of us    together           and i know the sidewalks were slick with water            but her eyes were wide and only held wonder      no despondency was in sight              because everywhere else i looked         doom and gloom reigned supreme       we fell into a rhythm             it was in our nature      natural in every single way       because she smiled again          and i couldn’t help but smile too          because i saw now          that those thin folds near her hazel eyes          were truly         really    actually for me             peace washed over us in waves             along with the heat of the summer winds                    they tossed the rain right and left         but kept us from hypothermia as we walked                and it wasn’t    what      we talked about but it was       how    we talked         every minute of it                    it was tranquil              and kind                unlike the rest of this cruel world     which seemed to fade into the periphery         as we talked     for hours         for our words  were in the foreground      and oh god i forgot      but every moment with her      just dissipates   into shattered happiness          but in the way that a block of ice            when its dropped just becomes                        a memory of one icicle even though    there are millions more to see  it was like that  it is always like that            and it all faded so fast              that i wasn’t quite sure i would get more time  since it felt like there was so little already         but she faced me          and said in       such a genuine tone     thank you for that               and my heart sped up   as though         it was revving its engine            ready for its next race  knowing there would be more             and she extended her   arms    and i was cautious        but relenting    i fell into her embrace           and her arms were timid          but hopeful      and i could feel the hope          pulsating through her veins      and i think she infected me                         with her hope              because i can’t stop thinking about her             her soft touch    her lavender-scented hair       the serenity in her hazel eyes         because she is so beautiful       and it was full of hope             yes       but also of       security            and it was comfort       that couldn’t help but make you feel                         some kind of                whole

dear true love,
already it feels like a distant memory.
how could a moment last forever but be so temporary?
this morning-after haze isn’t fading in the way that alcohol seeps out of your skin – no, you’ve intoxicated me to the bone.
remember? we talked, and now I’ve grown, and I want to share it all with you. 
you’re all alone and you know, I’m alone, too.
that rainy milieu is forever imprinted in my mind, no matter the view in front of me.
when I’m with you –
if we can ever be alone again, me and you –
I’m back on that sidewalk, under the dripping trees, and
I don’t know
but that moment just felt too perfect to remain a memory.
it transects with reality and seeing those drenched streets protruding into today and your hazel eyes casting their sepia gaze over that dream –
it calms me.

it doesn’t matter that it wasn’t real.
it doesn’t matter what I feel,
because it’s for me
and you won’t see that
since we don’t talk
anymore.

did we ever before?

I could say that we did,
a moment here, a moment there –
and believe me, I still feel your stare
and it’s the same hazel,
holding me tightly with care –
but I think
I –
it was all colloquial
and I hate –
that dream has a date and
I hate
that you don’t remember it like I do
because you weren’t really there, too

how could you be?

if it was all in my mind
I suppose I should have known
a tryst like this would be harder to find

I just wanted
it to be
real.

oh –
why can’t it be real?