i’m not fat

i have a big chest 

i have strong calves

From being the slowest on the

Track team

And the volleyball team

And basketball and softball… 

The list goes on 

Every team i’ve been in 

All my life

And even with an okay body

Things i'm good at 

A twin sister

That will always have my back

A great school, and family, and grades

i

Still

Hate 

My

Self

i hate myself for peeling off my nails when I finally grow them enough to paint

i hate myself for envying the peloton instructors abs that im 3 months away from

It’s not that i have 3 months left

It’s that i did this to myself and i hate it

i hate that my courage is the size of a raisin

i hate that i'm always in trouble

i hate that i spend my time in science clubs when i have no interest in it

i hate how my notes are never good enough

My body’s never good enough

My friends are never good enough

For me

Not 

G

O

O

D

E

N

O

U

G

H

 For Me

i hate so much about me. I only love that i can do this. I at least have the courage to do

 this

But what i hate the most

Is that 

Every night

i lie in bed and look up at the ceiling

And tell myself that everything will be okay

Because it never will be.

And i hate that too