Why does loving you feel so different

Feel so natural?

So unnatural?

So…. Conflicting?

Why does loving you feel like bees in my stomach

Like fireflies in my heart

Like ants under my skin?

Why does loving you feel like ice pick lobotomies

Open heart surgeries

And a hundred days on life support?

I do not know why I love you this deeply

This unconditionally

This pathetically

This unapologetically

But I do

I love you

I love you

I love you

There I said it.

Three times so you won’t forget it

I never wanted to be the first to say it

But I want you to be the first to stay

If only for forever.

Because loving you feels timeless

Feels like blooming in November

Like tears on a frozen lake

Like kissing in the rain

Or holding hands in the dark

Or laughing in the kitchen

Loving you is everything I ever wanted

But why does it hurt this much?