you say it's not a big deal.

but I was still learning how to drive 

as you were driving to a dimly lit street 

down the block where I was supposed to meet you.

if five years is not a big deal,

why does each singular step I take towards your car

feel like eternity?

five more steps and i am at your chest 

you breathing into my ear

if I just took five steps back

you want me to step forward five years because then 

we don’t have to be a secret anymore.

you say you love my waist 

as you dig your nails into my skin

trying to convince me it’s a compliment when deep down 

i know it’s a claim.

you say you were dumb 

that you were not thinking about the future 

but now my future lover’s cheek will be stained 

by the seals you’ve stuck to my lips 

concealing our late night drives and the trees we had to hide behind 

the bark scratching my back 

as i break mine to keep you safe.