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Digging Through the Darkness MAG
Quietly,
I lean against the bristly fabric
your armchair has to offer,
silently sweating off the pounds of make-up
covering my stress lines, my bruises,
my fears.
You poke and prod at me,
trying to figure me out like a puzzle,
trying to force me to let you
swim through the black waters
that bathe my thoughts in darkness,
not yet realizing that you would drown
in its misery the second
you dipped your pale toes in it.
Timidly I shake my head,
refusing to say a word,
the effect of your everlasting glare
falling apart as your glasses slip down your crooked nose.
Further, I shrug back into
the crevice of your chair,
nails clawing nervously
at my forearms buried
in the warmth of my hoodie.
You drop your gaze and stare down
at the blank page in your notebook
and smugly, my grin widens knowing
you will walk away empty-handed,
no matter how lengthy a time
you trap me within these colorless walls.
Your head jerks up,
eyes thinning into slits.
Drop it, you spit.
You're not a great actress.
Throw away your empty act.
My expression hardens,
my emotions becoming beyond edgy.
I'm not acting. I practically growl.
I gnaw away at my chapped lips,
welcoming in the bitter, steady flow of
blood.
You lecture me in the faults of liars,
me nodding every now and then,
knowing I don't give a care,
you letting your words waste away.
I savor the silence in between the classic lectures
of safety and self esteem that are given to every little girl
in hopes to save her rotting soul,
from digging herself farther down the rabbit hole
of the deranged bunny.
You drone on,
your words blurring together as I block you out,
my attention fading back to the ones I love,
and all conscious thoughts shut down,
my mind preferring the precious numbness
of silence
to your scolding.
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This article has 11 comments.
This is completely an amazing peom. If you don't mind, I would love to use this for a class. WE have to bring in a poem that has meaning to us and this means a lot to me. I would love to give credit to you, but I don't know if my teacher would let me use your Teenink account...
Great work, though!
I know that sometimes you feel like therapists are just trying to dig through your head and stare at all your private thoughts and sometimes you shut yourself off because you don't want to let them in, but trust me all they're trying to do is help. I think you should find a new therapist that you can actually open up to, because believe it or not, when you open up it really helps. I have seen two therapists in my lfe, and I was lucky enough to really connect with both of them. When we had a breakthrough of realizing why I was doing wht I was doing, it was amazing and the things they said really helped me. I'm sorry I'm writing such a huge essay here but I'm just trying to help cause it sounds like you and your therapist are not the right match for each other.
Let me know what you decide, I think it would really be worth it for you to find a new therapist.
Just some thoughts, please take a look at my work hope you like it:)
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If all else perished and he remained, I should still continue to be; and if all else remained, and he were annihilated, the universe would turn to a mighty stranger. <br /> -- Emily Bronte, Wuthering Heights