It looks easy on TV
Food Network, that wily b****
Made it possible for everyone
To imagine cake decorating as
Something so, so easy
But when the rolling mat’s upon you
And the pan is quivering in your hands
Almost everybody flakes

You need to find perfection but
The cakes turn out with bubbles
Or creases in the fondant
The butter cream’s too sweet
Or not moist enough
The cake falls apart in the pan
Or on the plate
And you shell out hundreds of dollars
For all of these fantastic devices
That will basically decorate the cake
For you

When learning will only take you so far
In the end, it’s working under pressure
Making a beautiful cake in an hour
Decorating it in another
And keeping a smile on your face the
Whole. Damn. Time.
Watching in happy silence as hungry kids
Destroy your art
And wanting to do it all again tomorrow

Cakes are not for the faint of heart
You need to be able to get your hair sticky
You need to be willing to sacrifice your time
You need to be true to the art
True to the taste
True to the icing

You must worship the mixer
Pay homage to the oven
Shun friends and lovers in search of
Perfection in sugar