Poem 1

I'm sick of trying to apologize and
sick of trying to make things better when all I do is
make things worse
and I'm
sicksicksick
but it's still the only medicine and it still
gets me high
so I'll keep vomiting up excuses
to talk to you
andandand there's always something more
It
Never
Ends
Which is just what I said to you before

Poem 2

Maybe you did think of me that day
February 7 2011
maybe you thought of me and maybe
you smiled as
you turned to him and accepted an embrace

Poem 3

What does it matter when
"I'm only 16 and they never work
and there'll be others"
"ooooh love" she said and maybe
"ooooh love" you sighed and turned over with his arms around you
and it never bothered me before so why should it now?

Poem 4

What would you say if you read all this?
you probably wouldn't like it much
and i don't blame you
maybe i should just get rid of it
but
you wouldn't like that much either
because once you told me
poetry is part of the soul
but you erased part of my soul
once too

Poem 5

how could your paradigm shift so much as to throw

me

all the way off? maybe




I
just tripped and fell or maybe someone else bumped into it and knocked










me
off and your hand was too busy in his to help me back up

Poem 6

'ladies all this time i thought you wanted me to be like you you don't want me to be like you now you'll sing for me' said the man who's no longer interesting
and you were always afraid of that
that i was just like you but
really i just liked you
but it's funny how now we
are both the same
i'm sad
you're sad
or maybe you're happy now but you probably don't care much
since i'm not interesting either
any more

Poem 7

What a pair we were when
we were both pro and antagonists
to each other
advancing our story
and creating conflict
and then you wrote me out of
it all
(still in the editing process)
but that's okay i can still
write about you you can still
be the heroin(e) in my tragedy

Poem 8

I never thought of myself as
a battery like you did
to be switched out and replaced in fact i was positive
but this is a serious charge and aren't I punny? i guess
if i was a battery i thought you would
use me until i died

Poem 9

"if" is such a pretty word it changes
all the woulds and shoulds
to cans and wills and makes our
whys becauses and changes the whole reason behind things.
i can
sit and write if then would you even though i should but you won't because you can't but i will if you think we could.

Poem 10

three's a crowd and you never
liked those much but when
you're
all

alone

one of
us
could still hear you whisper and it's a shame
because i always heard you scream

Poem 11

It's all the same, sweet cute
bulls***
Darkness, nightmares, all of it
it's all been done a million times
and there'll be a million more before
i'm out this door
love, trust, and all of that
it's all the same and it's all bulls***

or maybe i'm just jealous

after all i said it all to you before
does that make me a hypocrite?
or does it just make me wiser?

i've heard all this before
in a million different words
to a
million different melodies
or maybe not
a tune can only go to
so many rhythms
and so much makeup makes it not prettier, but
even more like a whore

"echoes of myself' come up as i
always try for eloquence and
isn't this beautiful?
which cliche do i use next?
do i compare you to a summer's day?
but no i feel
i can't
ruin thoughts of summer
like that

trustmetrustmetrustme

it looks so much better on the paper in my own familiar hand
where i'm the only one
to erase it and now i'm clapping for no one
and isn't this beautiful?

and maybe i'm just saying
the same things except now
my whore's prettier and after all
you always were
and aren't you beautiful?

Poem 12

I entertain the notion of leaving
For a day or for a year
Is really no matter to me
The idea of a wandering star entertains me
Orbiting your thoughts
But never quite landing
Or at least not long enough
To hold your attention
Or your hand
Until the day
That you notice your satellite missing
And you look up
Only to find me
Next to you

I entertain the notion of leaving
And never coming back
To see the sea and smell the ocean
Watch blue skies turn to black
The thought of sadness intrigues me
Much as pain is for fun
I’d like to see someone mourn me
As a friend, a brother, a son

I entertain the notion of leaving
Perhaps just for these words
I entertain the thought of you reading them
The things you wish you hadn’t heard

The music builds to a crescendo
And I wish I could make up my mind
I wish I could do what I want to do
And leave no trace left behind

I wish that no one would miss me
As I wish the whole world would
The thought of being alone scares me
Much more than thoughts of death could

No, I shall not go today
But who knows what tomorrow may bring
I doubt it will bring you back to me
But I guess I’ll just wait and see

Poem 13

Several weeks later we’re back again
There and back again
The most cliché name in the book
I don’t like how this silly computer
Keeps on fixing all of my problems for me
I guess at least someone can
Though I think it looks better with
All the scars
I just can’t say the same about you

Poem 14

I wish life was like D&D
Where everything rests on a die
And with all my charisma modifiers
I’d be everyone’s favorite guy

Perhaps I could win you back
Bring my 15 back to a 20
Even though my 16 was just perfect
Now 17 is a s***ty role to play