With the first hit I decided to run
But it took a while until my tired feet could carry me
His hands never seem to be anything but fists
Pounding away to fill my flaws with deep purple
And I can’t help but hope I won’t make it tomorrow
That when he tosses me to the ground
I won’t have the strength
Or the courage to get back up
Maybe he won’t beat a dead horse
His canvas is covered from head to toe
With paint of blue and black staining my innocence
He can’t love me
Not like this
But until he can remember who he was
I need to leave him with his palms still clenched
With insults still fuming in his throat
And the rage building up sweat on his brow
His curls matted and the tips of hair dipped in my blood
It just spills out when my jaw won’t hook back in
I could never tell a soul here
So I think I’ll leave in the middle of the night
One night when you’re gone with the boys
Bragging about the newfound spots dotting my wrists
Bragging about how no one knows
And how I am never be brave enough to scream
It’s all true, of course
Exaggerated to sound proud
But always, always true
You’ll come home to add more scars to your lovely collection
I am not strong
You know that
But I really want to run
Leave everything behind
You
My ignorant family
That blood red sunset
The stars will be my only guides to my new life
Not a map to point me in a different direction
I’ll probably fall into the same crowd
And I’ll tell the same lies
Pretend I was worth something before I moved to the city
Maybe I’ll go to a town where my tears will blend in with the rest of the miserable people
I could live on the streets and thank the people who look at me without disgust
I think I could live like that for a while
Just living
Letting the wounds sink down deep
I will breakdown
Every night, I think
It will devastate my neighbors
They won’t care enough to comfort me though
They won’t welcome me
Or even know my name
I don’t need people
Just loneliness for my company
Don’t want anything else really
I’ve had enough of “love”
Enough of that damn thing called “friendship”
Or “family”
I’ll learn words like
Hope
Vodka
And Subway stations with good benches to sleep on
Anything
Give me anything to keep me going
I don’t even want to live anymore
But I’ll do it for you
After the nights my pillow caught my screams
And after you beat me until I almost couldn’t look up at you
The gaze I always give you
Pleading
Begging you to think of me
More than just a girl you can treat like that
But you’ll find someone else
To beat
To apologize when you’re drunk enough
And to love deep down
And miss a place to put your anger
I challenge you to care
About me
Your stress ball
Come and find me, David