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Daddy's Womb MAG
i asked my father if i could swim,
and he said that i would drown.
The Sea would imprison me – he said
if my feet had left the ground.
So i walked out to the water,
and cried out – how ’bout now!
He said, a little bit further, Son,
and then you’ll leave the ground.
i stepped on sand then stone,
from hollow ground to sturdy.
The sky was at my level as I
gazed at the birdie.
The Sea brought me a new idea,
the urge to flee to the high.
i asked my Father if i could fly,
and he said, sure, Son – go try.
i jumped as high as i could.
Still, i landed on the ground.
i saw my Father pull on a chain,
then i knew that i was bound.

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This article has 2192 comments.
And, Carl, that poem was lovely, almost lyrical. Keep it up, and consider it as a career!
don't listen to the people's criticism. you did a great job of writing the poem, better than i could ever write one. my dream is to actually write a poem that's meaningful and that actually makes sense. great job again!
melinda13
Great work!
Can we skip the drama please and get back to talking about poetry? Do you have a poem I can read?
P.S. Reread how many times I commented. I wasn’t putting anybody down! If you actually read what I wrote, you’d see that I have no problem with criticism, as long as your argument is developed and can sustain itself. And yes, I am a junior in college and I’m Editor-In-Chief of my college’s literary magazine and I got a 4.0, and blah blah blah blah blah—so yea, I think I know what I’m doing! And I’ll take the cokkie—I’m a good poet and a good human being. I specifically sent this poem to Teen Ink because of its content, and I refuse to send anything “mature”, as you put it, because this is Teen Ink…and all the bickering and lack of literary criticism proves my point. Now here’s where you get all upset—wait! What I’m actually saying is that this is a community intended for teens, and it’s a pretty great one, but one in which, I (and maybe even you) am no longer academically challenged in. Point blank, I’m growing up, as do we all.
If you're so well "educated", I would expect your writing to be of a much higher quality. It should have more depth and be more thought out. And the writer should be more mature. Instead of putting down every person who tells you something that they don't like, maybe you should listen to them. When you start hearing the same things repeated over and over by different people, maybe you should listen to what they say. People aren't on here just to say "you suck." and move on, we're telling you what we didn't like and everything in hopes that you'll use the feedback to improve your writings. Don't walk in here acting all arrogant and put down every person who gives you negative feedback. If you don't want people telling you that they honestly didn't like something, I suggest you not show your writings to other people.
Many people have said that they don't like the grammar, the style, the rhyme, etc. Maybe you should listen to them. If that many people think something is wrong, something might actually be wrong.
Don't walk around acting like you're better than everyone who is giving you feedback. Woohoo you're a junior, woohoo you work on a lit mag. Want a cookie? That doesn't make you any better than us. I too am a college student and I too have worked on lit mags. For all you know any of these writers leaving you feedback could've graduated college have masters degrees and be publish in tons of magazines. You don't want us to assume things about you and your writing? Then don't assume you're better than us.
TeenInk.com/raw/Poetry/article/73993/For-Christian/ <--- I'm sickened by that one...still kind of bitter about that break up.
TeenInk.com/raw/Poetry/article/73986/Blindsided-By-Betrayal/
TeenInk.com/raw/Poetry/article/73987/Coming-To-Terms/
TeenInk.com/raw/Poetry/article/73988/Failing-Fate/
Just FYI I know some of these are emo sounding or overly emotional in other ways but strong emotions tend to bring out my writing.
And as a literary mag person I strongly suggest you check out nanowrimo.org its pretty cool. Our chatroom is pretty awesome too.
Simply put, why are teens on here always trying to determine what’s wrong or right about the poem instead of interrupting it—that’s how workshops work… You tell me what you got from it…I listen…I then edit attentively, based on the understanding you got, and the one I want to communicate to you. And the closer you get to my interruption…the more successful the poem whether you like or agree with the content/form or not.
You have no idea how much tolerance I have…I ignored foolish comments since August because I know you’re teens! But wouldn’t you rather know how you’re responses can mature? Don’t misunderstand me! I’ve welcomed all the comments whether I agree with them or not! There are, in fact, some comments I disagree with that are understandable.
But my overall mistake was expecting and/or trying to demand constructive and literary criticism from others who may not have had the opportunity to analyze the craft as much as me. I mean no disrespect, and please don’t misinterpret me.
But here we are so far off track from the purpose of TeenInk. Do you have a poem I can read?
P.S. I can tell that you actually give a dam. Thank you.
Excuse any grammatical errors—I am way too tired.
The number one way to tick a writer off—any writer off—is to tell them what they mean instead of what you took from it!
That's the whole point of feedback! You tell the author what you think of how it's written. If you only want people to say "oh I love it, it's awesome." Don't put your work up for people to comment on. Not all comments will praise your work.
"And yes, I am a junior in college and I’m Editor-In-Chief of my college’s literary magazine and I got a 4.0, and blah blah blah blah blah—so yea, I think I know what I’m doing! I’m a good poet and a good human being. "
All I have to say is WOW. Now I understand why your writing ability is where it is! It's because you let yourself become cocky. Once you decide you are good, you become the worst. It's a good lesson.
Your poem wasn't bad, but you should never decide that you are a good poet.
You still have a lot of work to do and I suggest taking some sort of creative writing class; it helped me improve dramatically.
Best of wishes on a bright future!