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Broken

November 24, 2011
By Inksy SILVER, A, Utah
More by this author
Inksy SILVER, A, Utah
7 articles 0 photos 89 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Three can keep a secret if two of them are dead&quot;<br /> ~Benjamin Frankiln<br /> &quot;Love? Above all things I believe in love. Love is like oxygen. Love is a many splendored thing. Love lifts us up where we belong. All you need is love.&quot;<br /> ~Moulin Rouge

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I close my eyes
Slip into another life
The pain and hurt is gone
I create my paradise

Everything I thought I knew
Was just a web of lies
Your illusion did succeed
You pulled the wool over my eyes

Breaking down, falling to pieces
But you refuse to do the one thing
That will cease the pain
And fix my shattered world

When you look back,
I hope you understand
That who I am is completely
Your heart-breaking mistake’s fault

Maybe in time, I will forgive you
But what you set in motion
Will be too late to fix
You broke each other, and you broke me too.

© Hannah S., Avondale, AZ

The author's comments:
This is a really rough draft... I wrote it spur of the moment. Oh well!
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JOIN THE DISCUSSION

This article has 12 comments.

BrightBurningCampeador PLATINUM said...
on Mar. 12 2012 at 5:18 pm
BrightBurningCampeador PLATINUM, Portland, Oregon
42 articles 11 photos 333 comments
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Overall, I really like it. My one suggestion is to change the line "your heart-breaking mistake's fault". Compared to the rest of the poem it's a bit of a mouth full.
Kiki_McGee GOLD said...
on Feb. 9 2012 at 11:34 pm
Kiki_McGee GOLD, Woodstock, Illinois
16 articles 16 photos 72 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Hope is the thing with feathers that perches in the soul - and sings the tunes without the words - and never stops at all.&quot; - Emily Dickinson

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Other than being a little rough in places, this is very good. I find that the best poems occur when you just grab on and run with it.
Inksy SILVER said...
on Feb. 4 2012 at 1:10 am
Inksy SILVER, A, Utah
7 articles 0 photos 89 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Three can keep a secret if two of them are dead&quot;<br /> ~Benjamin Frankiln<br /> &quot;Love? Above all things I believe in love. Love is like oxygen. Love is a many splendored thing. Love lifts us up where we belong. All you need is love.&quot;<br /> ~Moulin Rouge

View profile
Thank you everybody (:
Haylynn GOLD said...
on Feb. 1 2012 at 6:59 am
Haylynn GOLD, Skiatook, Oklahoma
10 articles 0 photos 23 comments
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So beautiful. You have great talent. Dint let it go to waste. Don't ever stop. I did for awhile, and I'm just now starting to pick it up again. I love the imagery. I have two more I just wrote, you should look at them. (:
marissadele PLATINUM said...
on Jan. 24 2012 at 4:59 pm
marissadele PLATINUM, Danbury, Connecticut
20 articles 3 photos 388 comments

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I love this. I really do. I like the metaphors and imagery....my favorite lines are "you pulled the wool over my eyes." and "You broke each other, and you broke me too." love it =) 5/5
Eshshah PLATINUM said...
on Jan. 20 2012 at 5:26 am
Eshshah PLATINUM, Galloway, New Jersey
32 articles 31 photos 239 comments

Favorite Quote:
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thing is- I think some of the very best poems are written on the spur of the moment- this is lovely, keep writing!
Adelle SILVER said...
on Jan. 1 2012 at 7:41 pm
Adelle SILVER, Oakland, Oregon
6 articles 1 photo 4 comments

Favorite Quote:
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Its very nice poem and very well relatable..I've had sort of the same feelings and experiences. great job :)
YukiBella SILVER said...
on Dec. 6 2011 at 11:42 pm
YukiBella SILVER, Tampa, Florida
9 articles 1 photo 3 comments

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Its a nice poem. I personally think you could add a little more and polish it up a little bit. It has nice emotions in it.
Inksy SILVER said...
on Dec. 4 2011 at 10:06 pm
Inksy SILVER, A, Utah
7 articles 0 photos 89 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Three can keep a secret if two of them are dead&quot;<br /> ~Benjamin Frankiln<br /> &quot;Love? Above all things I believe in love. Love is like oxygen. Love is a many splendored thing. Love lifts us up where we belong. All you need is love.&quot;<br /> ~Moulin Rouge

View profile
Thank you (:
LifesIllusion BRONZE said...
on Dec. 4 2011 at 3:53 pm
LifesIllusion BRONZE, Cicero, Indiana
4 articles 0 photos 127 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Don&#039;t let your fears slow you down. Instead, chase them down and beat them.&quot;

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This piece flows effortlessly also but its a different type of effortless. The way you write the words makes me think that she finally gave up. Sad but touching. 5/5 stars
Inksy SILVER said...
on Dec. 4 2011 at 2:39 am
Inksy SILVER, A, Utah
7 articles 0 photos 89 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Three can keep a secret if two of them are dead&quot;<br /> ~Benjamin Frankiln<br /> &quot;Love? Above all things I believe in love. Love is like oxygen. Love is a many splendored thing. Love lifts us up where we belong. All you need is love.&quot;<br /> ~Moulin Rouge

View profile
Thank you!
poetic.eyes PLATINUM said...
on Dec. 3 2011 at 12:04 pm
poetic.eyes PLATINUM, Everson, Washington
23 articles 3 photos 198 comments

Favorite Quote:
eARTh

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This get's me thinking. Great rough draft!