The Last Time I Saw Him | Teen Ink

The Last Time I Saw Him

April 17, 2012
By JessicaQ PLATINUM, North Vancouver, British Columbia, Other
JessicaQ PLATINUM, North Vancouver, British Columbia, Other
23 articles 5 photos 28 comments

The last time I saw him, his body was numb
His lips quivered slowly, his breath smelled like plum.
He muttered his last few words,
And hoped to see the birds.

He taught me how to read, and taught me how to write
He also taught me to fight with all my might.
All the time I would complain, all the time I would cry,
But I never thought that he might die.

Daddy, come back! I won't be so mean
You can't leave me, I'm only sixteen.
But it was too late
His death was fate.

His body was cold and frail,
Outside it began to hail.
The sky began to dim,
But that was the last time I saw him.



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This article has 6 comments.


on May. 11 2012 at 8:55 am
meagan watson BRONZE, Dunbar, Pennsylvania
3 articles 0 photos 1 comment
This poem is touching and really inspired me. I love it!

on Apr. 30 2012 at 7:17 pm
maizyiscrazy GOLD, Washington, District Of Columbia
10 articles 53 photos 261 comments

Favorite Quote:
I believe in pink. I believe that laughing is the best calorie burner. I believe in kissing, kissing a lot. I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong. I believe in miracles. ~Audrey Hepburn

This is really beautiful. I love the vivid picture that you paint. The one thing is, though that in

"The last time I saw him, his

body was numb

His lips quivered slowly, his

breath smelled like plum," seems a little forced. That's my only critique, though! *****


deleted said...
on Apr. 30 2012 at 8:55 am
deleted, Miami, Florida
0 articles 0 photos 194 comments
The imagery and overall idea is great and moving. I would only work on making it flow better. Try to keep a consitency with the number of syllables in the stanzas (as in 5 syllables and then 7, then 5 and then 7 for instance). Hopefully that makes sense haha. But it's really nice, just work on the flowing :)

on Apr. 29 2012 at 3:26 pm
CountryPopGirl PLATINUM, Lawrenceville, New Jersey
38 articles 16 photos 64 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;You love someone, you open yourself up to suffering, that&#039;s the sad truth. Maybe they&#039;ll break your heart, maybe you&#039;ll break their heart and never be able to look at yourself in the same way. Those are the risks. The thought of losing so much control over personal happiness is unbearable. That&#039;s the burden. Like wings, they have weight, we feel that weight on our backs, but they are a burden that lifts us. Burdens which allow us to fly...&quot;<br /> -Dr. Jack Hodgins (Bones)

First off - the image totally fits (even though it says she was 16)

Second - this just reminds all of us how precious our parents are. And we don't realize it until they are gone

So - BRAVO! ;)


on Apr. 28 2012 at 2:03 pm
JessicaQ PLATINUM, North Vancouver, British Columbia, Other
23 articles 5 photos 28 comments
Thank so much! I'm glad you like it! Also, I actually didn't loose anyone. There are just times when I feel like writing heartfelt poetry :) Thanks again

on Apr. 28 2012 at 1:59 pm
AgentOrange789 GOLD, Friendswood, Texas
16 articles 0 photos 59 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;It&#039;s a saying they have, that a man has a false heart in his mouth for the world to see, another in his breast to show to his special friends and his family, and the real one, the true one, the secret one, which is never known to anyone except to himself alone, hidden only God knows where.&quot;<br /> -James Clavell, &quot;Shogun&quot;

This is really good. It's obvious how heartfelt this was, and I feel deeply sorry for your loss.