I remember | Teen Ink

I remember

June 25, 2012
By Doctor_elisa PLATINUM, Columbia, South Carolina
Doctor_elisa PLATINUM, Columbia, South Carolina
44 articles 0 photos 2 comments

Favorite Quote:
"There are limitations and there are protocols and I’ve been warned that I’m not supposed to threaten or beg for pieces of someone’s soul."

Richard Siken, ‘The Long and Short of It

"My mother told me I had a chameleon soul, no moral compass pointing due north, no fixed personality; just an inner indecisiveness that was as wide and as wavering as the ocean" -unknown


The day we first talked
I mean really talked
I still remember it 

Not what we talked about 
I imagine it was something stupid

But I remember the feelings
I remember being so damn happy
And feeling like everything was going to be okay
I remember feeling free 

I can remember wishing that the moment would 
NeverEverEver end
But it did
Too soon it was over
And it was all just a memory

But after that
You started paying more attention to me
Sitting in my desk when I got to class
Trying to aggravate me
And I remember pretending to be annoyed
Just so that you wouldn't stop
So that you would keep seeing me
Keep talking to me
Smiling at me

And I remember that feeling I would get 
If I thought you wouldn't be there
That feeling
Like my stomach dropped
And the day would get a little dimmer

And I remember trying to fool myself
Into believing that I didn't like you
"like that"
And I almost did

But then suddenly we where sitting right next to each other
And everywhere I looked
There you where
Lighting up the room
Smiling, laughing, joking

And when you looked at me
I swear it was like you where 
Where seeing me
Not looking through me
But at me

And I remember
You grabbing my hand
And raising out clasped hands in the air
And my face heating up
And me desperately dragging my hand away
Because I liked the feel of your hand in mine too much

And I remember
Everyone in our class
Some of them jokingly  asking if we where dating
If we liked each other
Because they had already figured out
What we hadn't
We liked each other
"like that"

And I remember the day
That I realized just how much I liked you
And realizing that it didn't matter
Because your friendship was more important to me
Than a crush that would probably pass
And that I would never risk losing you over it

And I remember how the feelings did the opposite
They got stronger 
And how the urge to grab your hand got overwhelming 
And sometimes it was all I could do to not tell you

And I remember the day you asked me out
I had just finished telling my best friend
That I didn't think you liked me that way
And yes, we where hanging out the next day
And no, it was not a date

And then you asked me out
And I almost cried I was so happy
and I just sat there and smiled and rocked back forth
And it felt like everything was going to be okay

You've always made me feel like that
It's one of the things I like most about you

And I remember our first date
April 11th 
It wasn't conventional or traditional
I'm sure
But to me it was perfect

And I remember being back out school
After that long break
And I remember you grabbing my hand again
But this time I didn't have to pull away
I didn't have to pretend like it annoyed me
I could just keep mine in yours 

And I remember when Frau found out
And everyone else in the class found out
And no one was surprised
Because everyone but me had seen it coming

And I remember your birthday party
That picture of us that gave me this warm feeling
I remember being so nervous about giving you your gift
And I remember you 
And your contagious happiness

And I remember the day I came over to help you move
And I remember feeling useless most of the time
But being happy I was there
Because I remember helping you hang clothes
And laughing and your face lighting up when you laughed
And I remember you lying on the floor and running my hands through your hair
And I remember using your stomach as a pillow
And your hand in mine
And feeling your voice vibrating
And being perfectly content to never move

And I remember
The last day of school
Going over to your house
And I remember lying on the floor
Watching TV. and being so close to you
And I remember your face being so close to mine
And without your glasses on you looked so sweet and innocent and boyish
And I remember your arm over my waist
And your hand on my leg
And the feel of your face against my hand

And I remember calling you
Crying, asking you to come get me
And how you actually showed up despite my doubts
And how when I saw you I literally sagged in relief
And then how you got run off
And I ended up crying and texting you for four hours
I remember wanting nothing more than to curl up next to you
And lose myself in you

But dreams don't always come true

I remember one week passing
Two weeks
Three weeks
And how it literally hurt 
Not seeing you for so long
Because talking, texting 
It just isn't the same

And then I remember
Seeing you for the first time in 3 weeks
And how it felt like nothing I can describe
Seeing you finally

I remember on the way to your house
Your hand finally in mine again
And being in your truck
It felt like being home

And I remember talking to you
Even though I rarely talk when I'm in the truck

I remember finally being at your house
And before we can even get to your room to eat
Your grandma asking if you had given me the ring yet
And I remember the shock
and the feeling of complete joy 
And then when you gave it to me
I remember wanting to just sit there and stare at it

I remember sitting on your bed 
And watching your brother play a video game
And having your hand in mine
And resting my head on your shoulder 
And being so close to you
Touching you, feeling the heat coming off of you
I remember feeling at peace finally

I remember going to the living room
Laying on the couch
My head laying on your chest
I could hear your heart beating
And one hand was clasped with yours 
And the other was lying on your stomach
And I remember almost falling asleep
But I didn't want to wake up and it be time to leave

And I remember tracing my fingers over your cheek
Your lips
Trying to memorize how you feel beneath my fingers
And you would suck one of my fingers into your mouth
And it wouldn't disgust me like it would if anyone else did it

And I remember being in the truck
On the way back to my house
And squeezing your hand as tight as I could
Like it would stop me from having to leave way too soon

And I remember stalling
Not wanting to get out of the truck
Hugging you and not wanting to let go
Wishing you would kiss me

Your smile, your laugh, your warmth
The way you feel
The way you speak
The way you act
The way you touch me
I just remember you


The author's comments:
This is literally the story of me and my boyfriend. I just got inspired I guess and this came flowing out. And I just had to share it.

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