I think about myself
words come to mind

ugly
worthless
insufficient
incompetent
broken
selfish
fat
lazy
cowardly
needy
joyless.

I am empty,
without a home
without a shell
no place to hide these feelings.
I try to shrink them down, under my clothing,
my covers.
I ask for them to be taken away.
but they stay
unbidden.

These thoughts and ideas of discontentment remain.
At times these things well-up in me
too much to bear-
I erupt.

I want to be all that they want me to be.
beautiful
joyful
witty
smart
thin
caring
complete.

So I wait for change.
I wait.