While retrieving a pencil
it occurs to me
that I go through erasers
faster than lead

Yet I have not
can not
erase the things I want

Periods of my life
decisions made
based on
"What I should do"
Instead of breaking the rules
I learned long ago

It's easy to dream
about what I could have drawn
if I had used more lead
than eraser

Yet it's difficult to see
what reality I could have created
for others
for myself

Either way, I am a statistic.

Maybe I wouldn't have to hold the rope
for others
while writing this
or creating that

But I couldn't
couldn't let go
couldn't end their lives

Even if it was to gain
mine in return