I Want to Talk to my Future Self | Teen Ink

I Want to Talk to my Future Self

September 25, 2013
By goldmansharone GOLD, Boulder, Colorado
goldmansharone GOLD, Boulder, Colorado
13 articles 0 photos 19 comments

Favorite Quote:
A different world cannot be built by indifferent people<br /> What a miserable thing life is: you&#039;re living in clover, only the clover isn&#039;t good enough. <br /> You&#039;ll never shine if you don&#039;t glow.<br /> Selfishness is a horrible trait.


I want to talk to my future self.

I want to see myself a year from now,
about to finish off senior year,
ready for college,
and have a conversation with her.

I want to tell her how uncertain everything feels now.
How I have no idea what I want to do,
Who I want to be.
How I am completely freaked out by how
there is
nothing
tangible I am striving for.

How I don't even have a list of colleges I'm interested in.

It's not apathy, it's just insecurity.
It's doubt.
It's suspense.
It's hesitancy.

It's scary.
It's fear of failure.

I want to tell my future self that.

I know she won't have all the answers.
But she'll have a plan.
She'll be enrolled in a school.
She'll have picked a major.
She'll be focused.

She'll be me.

I take comfort in knowing she exists, just not right now.

I take comfort in knowing my future self will read this (poem? rant? intelligible tirade of self pity?) and know she is in a different place.

I like the idea of my future self.
I like the idea that one day I won't be so confused.
I like the idea that, a year from now, my future self will look back on me tonight and know how far she's come.

But, for now, it's just me.
Groveling in my uncertainty.


The author's comments:
I wrote this towards the end of Junior year, when I was thinking a lot about college and the future. I guess I'm still uncertain, but I'm one step closer.

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