Celestial | Teen Ink


September 25, 2013
By CountryPopGirl PLATINUM, Lawrenceville, New Jersey
CountryPopGirl PLATINUM, Lawrenceville, New Jersey
38 articles 16 photos 64 comments

Favorite Quote:
"You love someone, you open yourself up to suffering, that's the sad truth. Maybe they'll break your heart, maybe you'll break their heart and never be able to look at yourself in the same way. Those are the risks. The thought of losing so much control over personal happiness is unbearable. That's the burden. Like wings, they have weight, we feel that weight on our backs, but they are a burden that lifts us. Burdens which allow us to fly..."
-Dr. Jack Hodgins (Bones)

ce·les·tial Adjective /s??lesCH?l/
Positioned in or relating to the sky, or outer space as observed in astronomy
Belonging or relating to heaven
Supremely good

***Celestial Part 1***
I am celestial
This is what I’ve been told to be
Should be
But I don’t feel like I am

Sure I am technically made of light
And my wings aren’t made of feathers
But instead the feelings of individuals
And so what if I help wayward souls
When they die
How does that make me celestial?

Huh, maybe that’s just something humans
Label us as
I mean, what’s in a word
When you don’t know the meaning of it?

Anyway, the only time I can feel celestial
Is when I am not showing it
When I conceal my wings and light
When I appear human

It’s not freeing, but at the same time it is
I become human for them
Those closest to death
One of the “perks” of being an angel of death

But for her,
I stay by her so she won’t suffer that fate
Sure I had to go to extensive measures
But it is worth it

It’s hard to keep up appearances
When you don’t experiences the things
You Should be feeling

Well, it’s been three years
And I can finally be close to her
Before I had to be kept under strict observation
Just like her

They decided we weren’t harmful to each other
We just weren’t helpful
Taking up room
When there is none

I spoke to her today
She seems fine, ready
So cute and innocent
This was never her fault
It was his

Weeks and we are still talking
We’ve run out of ideas of what to talk about
We’ve run out of things to contemplate
We’ve run out of visitors that see us
Even though I never had any

I can’t say I miss being light
I feel light when I am with her
I hope she feels the same when she is with me
She deserves that after what she’s been through

I feel like telling her today
But maybe she’ll fear me
But she has had an open mind most days
Maybe she won’t mind

Alright, no going back
I can’t have any regret
I have to be brave
Am I going to show her

***Celestial Part 2***
I am celestial
Or at least I’m pretty sure I am
I don’t remember much

I know that I have been assigned
To watch or rather control
A portion/quadrant of the sky
That’s what I only know to do

I haven’t moved in a while,
But I don’t mind
I see lots of new faces
But there is a certain face
I never see

I don’t know who they are
I don’t know what they look like
I don’t even know if they exist in this world
I just know their name is Kaylee

I don’t know what letter my name started with
Ruben? Ruby? Max? Maxi?
I can’t even remember my gender
Did I even have a gender?

I try to think about Kaylee
The only thing I know about her
Is that she was a girl
A small, vulnerable girl

Anything else is a blur
Kind of like my section of sky
I guess that is why I was assigned to it
I don’t know

Another unexplainable thing
Is why I know that today is special
I don’t have any memory of why
And it’s only happened this one time

The hospital is directly below me
There hasn’t been much activity out here today
But why should there be
Treatment goes on inside

I see the doors open
There is an older couple
And a younger girl
I go down to a cloud to observe closer

The girl has a wide brim hat on
She is wearing jeans and long sleeves
Even though it is spring
I move my cloud to shade her

She takes off her hat
Her blonde curls fall
I can see her lipstick stained lips
Her appearance seems familiar

She looks up at my cloud
Showing her blue eyes
I know she can’t see me
But I can see her

The older woman says something to her
And she laughs
I can’t hear to well
I lean over the cloud

They start walking over to a car
I make sure my cloud follows her
She starts talking with the man
I lean further over my cloud

They stop, but I keep going, unexpectedly
I try to stop, but the cloud is moving on its on
I lean over the edge further
I lean too far

I can feel myself fall through the air
I haven’t experienced this in awhile
The only time I could truly feel air
Was when I was human

I can feel the impact
I land on my back,
Watching the cloud that let me go
Float away
I don’t control the sky anymore

For the first time
In a long time
I feel something
I moan in pain

I hear footsteps coming toward me
I want to think they are Kaylee’s
But I can’t really turn my head
I don’t know if that could worsen my condition

The persons stops moving
Gasps, then runs
I hear them arrive and stop again
“Are you okay?”

“I don’t know.
Does it look bad?”
I can’t see their face
I turn my head towards them

I see her face up close now
I see the concern on her face
The concern I saw before
My memory flashes back

When she was a little girl,
I was supposed to take her
But I didn’t
I became human as a cover

Still, I was supposed to take her
I made myself appear sicker
To be in the same room as her
I had gotten moved

At the time, she was five
Welcome to a new friend
We had talked about our illness
An “allergy” to the sun

We had no sunlight
Because of our sensitivity
So we both only knew
The hospital lights as a light source

I remembered wanting to cure her
She seemed happy then,
But imagine the joy of her
Feeling the sun on her face

One day I told her
She did believe me
I could see it in her eyes
But then it all went wrong

My superiors caught me
Then made me have a seizure
That put me into a coma
That eventually “killed” me

Before I was sentenced to punishment,
I remembered seeing Kaylee’s face
By my bedside
That face I can never forget again

She thought I was just sleeping
When I flatlined
“Max, wake up.” she shook me
“Max, wake up.” She shook me harder

Nurses rushed in and pushed her away
“Max!” She yelled
“Don’t leave me alone!”
“I won’t,” I told her
But my body was already dead
She couldn’t see me anymore

It’s been 17 long years in the sky
Without my memories of her
Or anything
But now they were back
She was back

“It’s not that bad,” I heard her say
I knew she was lying
“But we should probably get you inside.
Can you move?”

“I don’t know.” I barely recognized my voice
“I’ll go get help then.”
“Wait!” I yelled before she could leave
“Don’t leave me alone.”
There was a hint of recognition on her face
“I won’t,” she told me.

The author's comments:
My writing club I'm in has this "word on the street." Basically, we write about a certain word. Also, this is in two parts and the definition is there purposefully.

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