There is sadistic beauty in the way an addict prowls for drugs like a wild coyote rips flesh off deer every night and howls into the distance to wake the world and let the night know it’s supremacy
You did that too in a way
Everyone around you seemed so lost in time and space and the only thing that mattered to you was the high
The steady spin of the world and the way your hands seemed to always find their way to every doorknob in your house, searching for rooms that were created in your own head
But you lost everything when you found yourself digging through what seems like trash bins of plastic bags of white diamonds just to find them empty time after time
Every time you replenished, each crystal appeared to hold more luster than the last
And I watched you squirm for months on how to say goodbye to a friend you knew all too well
I watched you lock yourself into these rooms every time you rolled up a dollar, and every time you organized your treasure into perfect little white lines
It all came across so beautiful, so impeccably sad

And I remember the first time you told me about your mother
It only felt odd and uncanny that she was dead for 6 years and you never said her name in past tense
The way that she seemed so alive to you was beyond enchanting
You were 17 and you thought you’d live forever, like every mountain was a hill and every valley was full of snow and you could slide down and free-fall into infinity
And maybe that’s why driving around intoxic