“Distance”

Distance
A glass wall between us
Teasing us
Taunting me
Showing me everything I want
Everything I need
And everything I can’t have
But I want you
I want you more than anything
And for you I will beat and bash my fists against its cold hard ignorance
Until I bleed down its smooth unforgiving surface
Bleed out all I am
Down to my very last breath
Because that is what you are worth
And I love you
But you are deaf
And you are blind
And all my attempts are worthless in the end
Because you never hear my screams
And you never see my tears
And you will never know how much I love you
Because in the end
The only thing between us
Is distance

“Mama, Don’t”

Mama don’t be afraid
Of what you think I might do
Mama please my heart’s still beating
Of course I still love you

Mama don’t wear that frown
Because of what I’ve become
The pain is finally fading away
My emotions are numb

Mama don’t shed one tear
For the hurt you see me in
Oh to heaven I won’t go
Because this Mama, is a sin

Mama don’t ask me questions
When you see the marks on my wrist
You know exactly what they are
Please Mama don’t be pissed

Mama don’t try to help
You’ll only make it worse
See I’ve fallen only deeper in distress
This pain is like a curse
Mama don’t be upset with yourself
It’s not something that you have done
It’s crazy really how it’s turned out
How out of control my life has spun

Mama don’t look on me with shame
For that’s the worst pain of them all
Burning in a pit of flames like a beast
On my hands and knees I crawl

Mama don’t try to imagine the pain I feel
Because it’s worse than you could ever know
This smile on my face isn’t real
There’s more to me than I show

Mama don’t spend your days worrying
About the future that will come no matter what
Yeah my eyes are open, but on the inside
My soul has shut

Mama don’t say that I’m better than this
Because I’ve proved that to be wrong
You think I’m beautiful proud and true
Brilliant valiant and strong
Mama don’t deceive yourself
Because I’m not any of those
Sure I can walk the walk
And sure I can wear the clothes

Mama don’t you see
That’s not what matters to me
Fitting in isn’t meant for one like myself
It’s not how I’m meant to be

Mama don’t you see I wasn’t made to be a copy
And maybe that causes a little pain
But I’ll fight while I can
And I’ll always get up again

Mama don’t think I’ll last forever
Though I’ll be strong while I can
If I don’t survive the night
This is all God’s plan

Mama don’t assume I hate my life
Most times it’s good to have breath
But when the pain comes creeping in
It’s hard not to pray for death

Mama don’t look at the bad side of this
That my world’s falling apart
But see that there is still hope
Somewhere in my heart

Mama don’t pray for me
There is no reason for God to listen
I’ve turned my back on him many times
The tears on his face glisten

Mama don’t offer words of wisdom
I don’t care what the wise man once said
But take the time to look at me
Listen to my advice instead

In the darkness
Of terror and fright
Of misery and agony
In the dead of night

Close your eyes and block out your pain
Hide it from judging society
The light will find a way to shine through
And guide you to propriety

“Holding Hands with Boys”

My baby brother:
teaching me the meaning
of love.
Murmuring quietly.
Always smiling.
Gazing at me.

Finger outstretched,
pointing at the world’s wonders;
something he’ll grow up
to forget.
Holding my finger
like a life line.

His hands fit in mine.
Soft, un-calloused.
Un-touched.
Un-corrupted.
His hands are an empty canvas,
waiting to be painted
by the world.

What do you think of the world?

“It’s amazing.”