in about two minutes

Princess Leia is standing next to Artoo Detoo on her spaceship.

Leia: “Here, Artoo, hide this information from the bad guys!” (Shoves a tape into the robot’s memory banks and runs; Darth Vader grabs her arm and throws her into a cell). Luke Skywalker enters.

Luke: “Hey, a droid! Where did you come from?” (Artoo plays Princess Leia’s recorded message).

Luke: “Wow, she’s hot! Who’s Obi Wan Kenobi?”
Obi Wan Kenobi enters. “She needs your help, Luke! Here, take your father’s lightsaber and go rescue her.”
Luke: “Huh?”
Darth Vader enters and kills Obi Wan Kenobi with his lightsaber.
Luke: “Noooo!”
Darth Vader: “Luke…I am your father.”
Luke: “NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!”

Yoda enters. Luke kneels on the floor.
Luke: “Please, Master Yoda, I want to be a Jedi!”
Yoda: “ Ready you are not!”
Luke: “Pleeeeeease?”
Yoda: “Okay! Use the Force, Luke.”
(Luke stretches out his hand and closes his eyes).
Yoda: “Use the Force, Luke!”
(Luke pulls his lightsaber from the floor into his hand).
Yoda: “Use the Force, Luke!”
(Luke flips over backwards in the air and lands on his feet).
Luke: “Hey, I get it! Now I’m a Jedi!”
Yoda: “Not yet you are! Fight Vader first you must!” (Luke turns and looks at Vader). Luke: “Are you kidding me? I just wanted to kiss the princess and go home.”
Yoda: “Kiss her you cannot! Your sister she is.”
Luke: “Huh? What the…”

Palpatine enters and stands beside Vader.
Palpatine: “You will join me or die, young Skywalker!”
Luke: “Get lost, you creep.” (Palpatine starts zapping Luke with bolts of lightening).
Luke: “Oww! Dad!”
Darth Vader picks up Palpatine and throws him down a reactor shaft.
Luke: “Thanks, dad. Are you OK?”
Darth Vader: “Goodbye, my son. I must die now and leave the galaxy in your hands.”
Luke: “But dad, I just got here!” (Leia runs in and throws her arms around Luke’s neck).
Leia: “Luke, I love you!”
Luke: “But you’re my sister!” (shrugs) “Oh well. As long as Han's frozen in the carbonite, you're all mine, I guess.”

[end credits]