One of the saddest times in my life was when my grandma passed away and I wasn't able to attend my own grandmother's funeral. I know what you’re thinking, “Why weren't you able to attend her funeral?” The reason is because a few years prior, my family and I had moved from Minnesota to Florida. We moved from West St.Paul, Minnesota to Orlando, Florida. There wasn't really a specific reason for moving to Florida. I guess the sunny skies and warm breezes might have had something to do with our decision. My family just needed change, I guess. That might kind of sound crazy to anyone who doesn't know my family. 

  My grandma meant the world to me since I don't have the best relationship with any other grandparents. My grandma was my light when the rest of the world was dark. She was like always having an instant best friend by your side that you could call at any time.  Losing her was difficult as I’m sure you can guess. Finding out I wasn't going to be able to go to her funeral was heartbreaking. My sister and I were not able to go because my family could not afford plane tickets for the whole family to go to Minnesota for her funeral. This was horrible because it meant we never got to say a proper goodbye to my grandma. But we also did not know it was going to be the last time we ever saw her. We knew my grandma was ill but we didnt know she was going to pass away so soon.

Everytime I had spoken with my Grandma it was always positive. She brightened my day on a daily basis. We always spoke about life and the things to come. One conversation we had was a couple of months before I knew I was moving. 

“Valenzia, come downstairs.”

“Okay on my way!” 

“Can you grab me the sugar?”

“Yah. Here you go.”

“Thank you sweetie. You wanna know something? I'm so proud of you. My very own grandchild is about to be done with middle school. With all straight A’s.”

“Thank you Grandma. You know I’ve really been trying and you know how hard it's been.”

“Of course. Trust me I know all about it. But you are doing great, sweetie. I love you and I just wanted you to know that I'm very proud of you.”

“I love you too. I appreciate all you do, Grandma.”

As long as I can remember my grandma was always sick or had some sort of health issue happening. Knowing this I tried to appreciate time with my grandma and enjoy her company. But I guess I never wanted to believe she would leave so soon. 

Before we all moved to Florida and we said our goodbyes my grandma gave my mom a note that she had written to her. The note was heartfelt and personal to all of us because in it she wished us all luck. It meant a lot because we were all unsure about moving. But my grandma made us all feel good about the idea of us all moving because she knew we were hesitant about the condition she was in.

  After we had been living in Florida for only seven months, on July 11, 2018 my grandma passed. This was difficult for me. It really challenged me in my day to day life. I felt like my life wasn't mine anymore and I was just a bystander watching everything get destroyed in a tornado I called my life.  

A few days later when her funeral was being planned was when I found out I wasn't going to be able to go. Finding this out was horrible because I wasn't ready to say goodbye. If I would've known that the last time I saw her was going to be the last time I feel like I would have acted differently. I would have enjoyed her company more, gave her more hugs and kisses, and wouldn't have been so distant, like I had been in the past.

No one ever knows what it feels like to lose a loved one until you've lost them. The feeling of losing a loved one is not something I can easily describe because it is different for everyone. But I can tell you the amazing woman my Grandma Vicki Pedroso really was. She was a fighter, a determined soul and a wise person to talk to when you needed anything. 

The reason I told this specific story is because my grandma always stood by the idea of Living Life To The Max. My grandma never said it in those words but she always said to do what makes you happy. Before her passing I probably wouldn't have taken what she said so literally or even  listened at all because I always had the attitude that I could get whatever I wanted done later, which now that I think about it was such a dumb idea. Now I know that at any time everything could change and my whole life could turn upside down. So in shorter terms I should do what I love no matter the fear I might have. Seek discomfort.