This is how you are weak. You’ll need all the strength you can get for the day so make sure you eat all your food given in the morning. Be sure to listen to the guards complain that it’s Monday or be happy that it’s Friday so you know what day it is. Make sure your cell is neat, remember how your mom used to fold your blanket into a heart even if the one you have now is thin and ripped. Be ready and wait when the guards come and don’t whine when they grab your wrist too tight. Try not to annoy the guards and memorize the hallways. Memorize each route each one takes. Who leaves and who replaces them. Don't try and run again, not yet. You’ll only get locked in the dark again. Be patient and wait. 

When getting to the lab look no one in the eyes. Follow every direction the scientists give you but let them believe they are still smarter than you. Don’t struggle when you're stripped down for examinations. Hold your tongue so you don’t lose it. Remember the humiliation of when one of the scientists goes too far in examining you while telling you what a success you’ve been or how perfect your body has adjusted. Comply, don’t fight back, hold the tears. You’ll only get hurt more.  Hold a piece of cloth in your mouth so you don’t hurt your teeth. If you need to scream, scream when you feel the burning sensation of the injections all over your body. The stinging pain of every nerve as the power flows through you veins brightly shining through your skin. This is how you get stronger. Be careful not to trip as you're shoved in a washroom to clean yourself up. Make sure there are no excess chemicals on your body and that you massage your wrist under the hot shower to keep from bruising so much. Let the water hit your face and wash away the tears, remember the rainy day walks you would take with your dad. Three knocks to alert the scientist that you're done.  

Rest in your cell when you’re taken back. Focus on your energy. Move it to your fist and see how it glows. Don’t use too much and slightly restrain the power that was given to you. Using too much might kill you or you’ll lose yourself and then they’ll kill you. You can’t afford to lose yourself. Practice little by little because you won’t know who you're being put up against. That's why you’ve distanced yourself. In the fights it’s kill or be killed. Rest and wait for nightfall. You’ll know when it’s time when the air gets colder. Don’t let the guards see you using your powers, they’ll only get hostile. Let them restrain every part of you and pull you by chains. Stay calm as your lead into an arena with a room high above for the scientist to watch. Calm your breathing, in and out slowly. Show no fear even when your opponent is brought in from the opposite side even if you are shaking. When the horn blows for the fight to start, don’t attack straight away. Watch how the move, look for any signs of a weakness. Fuel your power with all the rage and humiliation, use the anger you felt when your parents were taken from you as a child. Remember flashes of the crash and being snuck out of the hospital. Move that all to you fist and watch them glow. Then strike. Dodge every punch and kick thrown at you, every scratch and bite. But if you do get hit, move with it, move so you can lessen the impact of the hit. Wear them down, then in one blow subdue them. Don’t lose control as you give them a swift and merciful death. Because if you don’t the scientist will do much worse. Calm yourself before the guards come back. You don’t want to get tranquilized again. Just know it’s okay to be tired, it’s okay to cry now because it was never your choice to be there. The only thing you can do is survive. It’s okay to fall to your knees, it’s okay to close your eyes for just a second.

If you wake up too quickly your eyes will hurt and you’ll get a headache. If you’re back in your cell, meditate. It’ll clear your mind and help with the headache. Bandages and antibiotics will be provided to your cell. Clean your wounds and wrap them in bandages. You’ll be served your reward soon, a hot meal. Eat then rest. Get all the sleep you can get because soon you’ll be ready to leave. Remember the lullaby both your parents use to sing as you doze off. This is how you are strong. This is how I survive.