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The Twilight Saga in About Two Minutes

September 26, 2009
By LucyM BRONZE, Kent, Ohio
More by this author
LucyM BRONZE, Kent, Ohio
2 articles 0 photos 2 comments

Favorite Quote:
90% of my happiness is coming from my pants. <br /> <br /> Alright, alright, sorry, inside joke. Okay how about: &quot;If you give a man a fire, he&#039;ll be warm for a day; if you set a man on fire, he&#039;ll be warm for the rest of his life.&quot; -Terry Pratchett.

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[BELLA and EDWARD are onstage. EDWARD is staring over his shoulder like a creeper at BELLA.]



BELLA: Are you a vampire?



EDWARD: No! Yes...



[BELLA whirls around to face EDWARD.]



BELLA: I love you.



EDWARD: I love you too.



[They kiss. JAMES enters and stands menacingly behind BELLA.]



BELLA: Help! I'm in danger!



[EDWARD punches JAMES. JAMES falls and is no longer onstage. The pair kiss again.]



EDWARD: I love you. I don't love you. I have to go now.



BELLA: Aww.



[EDWARD exits. JACOB enters.]



JACOB: I love you too.



BELLA: Yay!



[They embrace. EDWARD rushes back in.]



EDWARD: Hey, get away from my girl!



JACOB: Or what?



[Michael Jackson music plays, preferably 'Thriller.']



EDWARD and JACOB in UNISON: Dance off!



[They dance for a short time before BELLA interjects.]



BELLA: Stop it! Can't you see- my eggo is preggo!



EDWARD: Yay!

JACOB: (with intensity) I am in love your child! [awkward pause] Hey, isn't there something about the Volturi?



EDWARD: Yeah, but that was anti-climactic.



BELLA: Nothing happened. Edward! Please! Kill me so I can live forever!



EDWARD: (looks doubtful) Okay.



[EDWARD pulls out a gun and shoots her. She collapses to the ground; JACOB face-palms.]





JACOB: I think she meant "bite me."



EDWARD: Oh.



[EDWARD bites BELLA.]



BELLA: (rising with arms outstretched) I'm aliiiiiive!



[RENESME, preschool aged, runs out from behind her.]



RENESME: I'm your daughter!



ALL: Yay!



[Cut to scene of the four skipping through a field with "Happy Together" by the Turtles playing. EDWARD, already shiny, takes his shirt off and blinds everyone with his whiteness. Music abruptly cuts off.]



EDWARD: Oops.



End credits.

The author's comments:
Don't flame, dudes. That's seriously lame. Feel free to film, just credit me in the credits and let me know if you're making a movie so I can check it out.
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JOIN THE DISCUSSION

This article has 1986 comments.

DamonSalvatore1864 said...
on Oct. 6 2011 at 1:52 pm
OMG...had such a bad time at school...this totally made my day! That is definitely how the movies are, though...LAME
Victoria.S BRONZE said...
on Oct. 5 2011 at 4:33 pm
Victoria.S BRONZE, Dallas, Texas
4 articles 0 photos 24 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Someday you will look back and know exactly why it had to happen.&quot;

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hahahahahah this is so funny!
TheGirlWhoDancesWithSnowflakes SILVER said...
on Oct. 4 2011 at 7:19 pm
TheGirlWhoDancesWithSnowflakes SILVER, Sunnyvale, Texas
8 articles 0 photos 99 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the world together.&quot; <br /> <br /> Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another,<br /> &quot;What! You too? I thought I was the only one.&quot;<br /> - C. S. Lewis

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It's been a couple months since I last read this.

 

It still makes me laugh til I wanna pee myself! xD

Smile-And-Wave-Boys. SILVER said...
on Oct. 2 2011 at 4:14 pm
Smile-And-Wave-Boys. SILVER, Rotherhithe, Other
8 articles 1 photo 38 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Everyone wants to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down.&quot; <br /> &mdash; Oprah Winfrey

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Ha! Epic :D
Sweetu BRONZE said...
on Oct. 2 2011 at 9:05 am
Sweetu BRONZE, Chennai, Other
2 articles 0 photos 3 comments

Favorite Quote:
Live life to the fullest :)

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Its a hilarious one..seriously it made me laugh so much. :D
MadelineG BRONZE said...
on Oct. 1 2011 at 9:14 pm
MadelineG BRONZE, St. Louis, Missouri
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Favorite Quote:
&quot;Shoot for the Moon. Even if you miss, you&#039;ll land among the stars.&quot;

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Hahaha, if I could give you 6/5 stars I would. Hilarious, you made my day with this one (:
Socsisshea BRONZE said...
on Oct. 1 2011 at 5:23 pm
Socsisshea BRONZE, Mooresville, North Carolina
3 articles 0 photos 5 comments

Favorite Quote:
A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing.

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HAHAHAHAHA! Oh, this just made my day. I'm kind of new on the website, making my way around and stuff. Only one of my articles have been published so far would you mind reading it?
Jellybeanme said...
on Oct. 1 2011 at 10:47 am
"Edward: Oops." BEST PART!!
kellybelly25 said...
on Sep. 30 2011 at 4:54 pm
This is AMAZING! LOVE IT! :D
Asagi Raynard said...
on Sep. 29 2011 at 7:26 pm
Asagi Raynard, Ohio, Ohio
0 articles 0 photos 1 comment
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AHAHAHA! >.< Hilarious!
HateKnuckle SILVER said...
on Sep. 28 2011 at 7:38 pm
HateKnuckle SILVER, Peru, New York
9 articles 0 photos 96 comments
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The word choice was so good and the way you said it was superb. I really loved it. The emotions flew off the screen and right into my face. Great job. LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL 5 STARS.
WhiteWidow GOLD said...
on Sep. 26 2011 at 2:41 pm
WhiteWidow GOLD, Bakersfield, California
14 articles 3 photos 28 comments

Favorite Quote:
Life is not fair because no one plays fair and survives.

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This is still on?!  I remember reading this, like, a year ago.  Still makes me laugh.  ^.^
spiritiris BRONZE said...
on Sep. 25 2011 at 6:23 pm
spiritiris BRONZE, Blacksburg, Virginia
4 articles 0 photos 16 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Writing a story is like driving through the fog. You can only see as far as your headlights, but you can get the whole way that way.&quot;<br /> ~E. L. Doctorow

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Hilarious. I love these types of parodies.
littlebirdblue said...
on Sep. 23 2011 at 1:47 pm
littlebirdblue, Camden, South Carolina
0 articles 0 photos 2 comments

Favorite Quote:
patience is a virtue

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XD lolol!!!
no1texastiger BRONZE said...
on Sep. 23 2011 at 12:31 pm
no1texastiger BRONZE, Palestine, Texas
2 articles 0 photos 10 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Only two things are infinate. The universe and human stupidity and I&#039;m not sure about the first one.&quot;- Albert Einstein<br /> &quot;Promise me you&#039;ll always remember: You&#039;re braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.&quot;

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Oh my gawsh. I think I just about died! That was so hilarious! Loved it!
Ninga99 said...
on Sep. 22 2011 at 12:55 pm
THAT IS HILARIOUS!!
Iggy_Fang112 BRONZE said...
on Sep. 22 2011 at 12:21 am
Iggy_Fang112 BRONZE, Daytona Beach, Florida
2 articles 0 photos 20 comments

Favorite Quote:
Right now I&#039;m having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I&#039;ve forgotten this before.<br /> <br /> And<br /> <br /> Pain is inevitable; Suffering is optional

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I've read this post more times than i can count. (well, almost) its still just as awesome as it was the first time! keep up the good work.
Bloozagurl said...
on Sep. 21 2011 at 11:20 am
Bloozagurl, Riverview, Florida
0 articles 0 photos 2 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Writing is merely a socially accepted form of schizophrenia.&quot;

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Oh my gosh. That was AMAZING!! I couldn't stop laughing XD
nerd101 said...
on Sep. 20 2011 at 8:39 pm
i loved it i also loved twilight but that was a way funnier version.
angelchild GOLD said...
on Sep. 18 2011 at 7:31 pm
angelchild GOLD, Stockton, California
12 articles 0 photos 11 comments

Favorite Quote:
Once you learn to read, you will be forever free.<br /> - Frederick Douglass, <br /> <br /> A library is infinity under a roof.<br /> - Gail Carson Levine<br /> O, there is lovely to feel a book, a good book, firm in the hand, for its fatness holds rich promise, and you are hot inside to think of good hours to come. <br /> <br /> <br /> - Richard Llewellyn

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hahahaha could not stop laughing XD. It's fun to laugh at anything every so often, even if I loved the books.