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The Twilight Saga in About Two Minutes

September 26, 2009
By LucyM BRONZE, Kent, Ohio
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LucyM BRONZE, Kent, Ohio
2 articles 0 photos 2 comments

Favorite Quote:
90% of my happiness is coming from my pants. <br /> <br /> Alright, alright, sorry, inside joke. Okay how about: &quot;If you give a man a fire, he&#039;ll be warm for a day; if you set a man on fire, he&#039;ll be warm for the rest of his life.&quot; -Terry Pratchett.

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[BELLA and EDWARD are onstage. EDWARD is staring over his shoulder like a creeper at BELLA.]



BELLA: Are you a vampire?



EDWARD: No! Yes...



[BELLA whirls around to face EDWARD.]



BELLA: I love you.



EDWARD: I love you too.



[They kiss. JAMES enters and stands menacingly behind BELLA.]



BELLA: Help! I'm in danger!



[EDWARD punches JAMES. JAMES falls and is no longer onstage. The pair kiss again.]



EDWARD: I love you. I don't love you. I have to go now.



BELLA: Aww.



[EDWARD exits. JACOB enters.]



JACOB: I love you too.



BELLA: Yay!



[They embrace. EDWARD rushes back in.]



EDWARD: Hey, get away from my girl!



JACOB: Or what?



[Michael Jackson music plays, preferably 'Thriller.']



EDWARD and JACOB in UNISON: Dance off!



[They dance for a short time before BELLA interjects.]



BELLA: Stop it! Can't you see- my eggo is preggo!



EDWARD: Yay!

JACOB: (with intensity) I am in love your child! [awkward pause] Hey, isn't there something about the Volturi?



EDWARD: Yeah, but that was anti-climactic.



BELLA: Nothing happened. Edward! Please! Kill me so I can live forever!



EDWARD: (looks doubtful) Okay.



[EDWARD pulls out a gun and shoots her. She collapses to the ground; JACOB face-palms.]





JACOB: I think she meant "bite me."



EDWARD: Oh.



[EDWARD bites BELLA.]



BELLA: (rising with arms outstretched) I'm aliiiiiive!



[RENESME, preschool aged, runs out from behind her.]



RENESME: I'm your daughter!



ALL: Yay!



[Cut to scene of the four skipping through a field with "Happy Together" by the Turtles playing. EDWARD, already shiny, takes his shirt off and blinds everyone with his whiteness. Music abruptly cuts off.]



EDWARD: Oops.



End credits.

The author's comments:
Don't flame, dudes. That's seriously lame. Feel free to film, just credit me in the credits and let me know if you're making a movie so I can check it out.
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JOIN THE DISCUSSION

This article has 1986 comments.

emergingtalent SILVER said...
on Jun. 29 2010 at 1:48 pm
emergingtalent SILVER, Riverton, Utah
5 articles 0 photos 33 comments

Favorite Quote:
Be who you are and say what you feel, Because those who mind don&#039;t matter, and those who matter won&#039;t mind. -Dr. Seuss

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That was soooo funny! I am going to tell that to all my twilight loving friends!
volleyballchika said...
on Jun. 29 2010 at 12:06 pm
OH MY GOD THAT WAS FUNNY!   i used to be a twilight freak but now i have realized how stupid they are! haha i like the part where edward goes ya but that was anti climatic!  lol
Robsessed PLATINUM said...
on Jun. 29 2010 at 12:45 am
Robsessed PLATINUM, McKinney, Texas
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LOL! "Can't you see my eggo is preggo" - that was hilarious! I love Twilight, actually, I'm obsessed, but this was so freaking funny.

You shoud do one for other series like Harry Potter or something.

Inkmusic GOLD said...
on Jun. 28 2010 at 2:43 pm
Inkmusic GOLD, Renton, Washington
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LOVE IT!!!! OH MY GAWD!!! XD. My friends are all going to love this, hahaha...
AriaLabyrinth BRONZE said...
on Jun. 28 2010 at 1:58 am
AriaLabyrinth BRONZE, Fresno, California
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It took me 8 minutes to read this because I was laughing SO HARD!!!!
xAllegria BRONZE said...
on Jun. 27 2010 at 2:11 am
xAllegria BRONZE, Singapore, Other
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Pfft... x) You must have had so much fun writing this haha. It changes much from what we've had so far on Teen Ink.
Surrealist14 said...
on Jun. 26 2010 at 9:03 am
Surrealist14, Greenville, South Carolina
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I applaud your satire, but the concept is way over done. Still, I bow to the comedy.
SocialCollision SILVER said...
on Jun. 25 2010 at 7:04 pm
SocialCollision SILVER, Hampton, Georgia
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\&quot;When we\&#039;re taught to love everyone, to love our enemies, What value does that place on love?\&quot; Marilyn Manson

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Love!!! Hilarious! Nice work!
KatiKat BRONZE said...
on Jun. 25 2010 at 10:24 am
KatiKat BRONZE, Middle Of Nowhere, Vermont
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Favorite Quote:
The most important thing in life is learning how to laugh just for the sake of laughing! -Me

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This is terrific! By the way, could someone come and comment on my work? I really need it.
star-gazing-dreamer GOLD said...
on Jun. 23 2010 at 10:05 pm
star-gazing-dreamer GOLD, Pittsgrove, New Jersey
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Favorite Quote:
Everywhere I have sought rest and not found it,<br /> except sitting in a corner by myself with a little book.<br /> ~ Thomas Kempis ~

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twilight in a nutshell. Funny :). Yet i still like the story
IamtheshyStargirl PLATINUM said...
on Jun. 23 2010 at 8:12 pm
IamtheshyStargirl PLATINUM, Lothlorien, Utah
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I could read this 495 times and still laugh my head off!!!!!!!! I have actually read it about THREE times. 
AsherJ SILVER said...
on Jun. 23 2010 at 7:38 pm
AsherJ SILVER, Parker, Colorado
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Oh my gosh... This is hilarious! It is also a very good summarization (idk if that is how you spell it) AWESOME JOB!!!
Mongo BRONZE said...
on Jun. 23 2010 at 4:56 pm
Mongo BRONZE, Uhrichsville, Ohio
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lol im a twilight fan but that was hilarious!
ilovepolkadots said...
on Jun. 23 2010 at 12:18 am
ilovepolkadots, Joplin, Missouri
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Oh my god! That was AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!! I COULDN'T STOP LAUGHING EITHER! KEEP WRITING MORE!!!
Love1321 PLATINUM said...
on Jun. 22 2010 at 3:07 pm
Love1321 PLATINUM, Harrisville, Utah
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I could NOT stop laughing! THAT'S sooooooooooo funny! GOOD JOB! And its true, that's pretty much all that happens in Twilight. Lol...
fyreflies BRONZE said...
on Jun. 22 2010 at 12:32 pm
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My friend Raven and I could not stop laughing about this. We probably laughed for an hour, then said something random about the article and laughed even harder. I like the scene with the happy together thing. That looks like something I'd say. :) Way to make me laugh! LOL.
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on Jun. 22 2010 at 10:09 am
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HA HA HA!! I like the "Edward, kill me so I may live forever" part the best. ha ha.
Demon_of_Truth said...
on Jun. 22 2010 at 8:37 am
Demon_of_Truth, Warrenton, Virginia
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i think you really got the true meaning behind the books to show: never trust a sparkly guy who says he's a vampire.
brainiac SILVER said...
on Jun. 21 2010 at 9:34 pm
brainiac SILVER, Grove City, Ohio
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Ha ha! You're close.
TeamJacobArchuleta2 SILVER said...
on Jun. 20 2010 at 11:54 pm
TeamJacobArchuleta2 SILVER, Beverly Hills, California
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Haha, that was too funny! Me & my friends made a Twilight parody type thing that I was thinking about posting on here so it's so funny that you made this! I'm favoriting this piece lol :)