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The Twilight Saga in About Two Minutes

September 26, 2009
By LucyM BRONZE, Kent, Ohio
More by this author
LucyM BRONZE, Kent, Ohio
2 articles 0 photos 2 comments

Favorite Quote:
90% of my happiness is coming from my pants. <br /> <br /> Alright, alright, sorry, inside joke. Okay how about: &quot;If you give a man a fire, he&#039;ll be warm for a day; if you set a man on fire, he&#039;ll be warm for the rest of his life.&quot; -Terry Pratchett.

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[BELLA and EDWARD are onstage. EDWARD is staring over his shoulder like a creeper at BELLA.]



BELLA: Are you a vampire?



EDWARD: No! Yes...



[BELLA whirls around to face EDWARD.]



BELLA: I love you.



EDWARD: I love you too.



[They kiss. JAMES enters and stands menacingly behind BELLA.]



BELLA: Help! I'm in danger!



[EDWARD punches JAMES. JAMES falls and is no longer onstage. The pair kiss again.]



EDWARD: I love you. I don't love you. I have to go now.



BELLA: Aww.



[EDWARD exits. JACOB enters.]



JACOB: I love you too.



BELLA: Yay!



[They embrace. EDWARD rushes back in.]



EDWARD: Hey, get away from my girl!



JACOB: Or what?



[Michael Jackson music plays, preferably 'Thriller.']



EDWARD and JACOB in UNISON: Dance off!



[They dance for a short time before BELLA interjects.]



BELLA: Stop it! Can't you see- my eggo is preggo!



EDWARD: Yay!

JACOB: (with intensity) I am in love your child! [awkward pause] Hey, isn't there something about the Volturi?



EDWARD: Yeah, but that was anti-climactic.



BELLA: Nothing happened. Edward! Please! Kill me so I can live forever!



EDWARD: (looks doubtful) Okay.



[EDWARD pulls out a gun and shoots her. She collapses to the ground; JACOB face-palms.]





JACOB: I think she meant "bite me."



EDWARD: Oh.



[EDWARD bites BELLA.]



BELLA: (rising with arms outstretched) I'm aliiiiiive!



[RENESME, preschool aged, runs out from behind her.]



RENESME: I'm your daughter!



ALL: Yay!



[Cut to scene of the four skipping through a field with "Happy Together" by the Turtles playing. EDWARD, already shiny, takes his shirt off and blinds everyone with his whiteness. Music abruptly cuts off.]



EDWARD: Oops.



End credits.

The author's comments:
Don't flame, dudes. That's seriously lame. Feel free to film, just credit me in the credits and let me know if you're making a movie so I can check it out.
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JOIN THE DISCUSSION

This article has 1986 comments.

madilyne BRONZE said...
on Jun. 20 2010 at 8:52 pm
madilyne BRONZE, Lancaster, Wisconsin
2 articles 0 photos 6 comments

Favorite Quote:
being diffrent is one of the best things i have ever done with my life

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i love this, serioulsly better than the books and movies
_Mags_ SILVER said...
on Jun. 20 2010 at 4:03 pm
_Mags_ SILVER, Somewhere, North Carolina
9 articles 7 photos 436 comments

Favorite Quote:
- I stare danger in the face and giggle<br /> - Never argue with an idiot, people might not know the difference<br /> -R.A.P (Retards Attempting Poetry)<br /> -Tip Cologne ryhmes with alone

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Lol, no joke, thats the whole story right there. And it's not lame
yaythisisavailable GOLD said...
on Jun. 20 2010 at 1:52 pm
yaythisisavailable GOLD, Simpsonville, South Carolina
13 articles 0 photos 31 comments
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i love you for writitng thiis
DannyKid33 PLATINUM said...
on Jun. 20 2010 at 2:06 am
DannyKid33 PLATINUM, Pleasant Hill, California
34 articles 2 photos 81 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Don&#039;t ever let the media tell you what to look like. You&#039;re beautiful the way you are. Stay beautiful, keep it ugly.&quot; - Gerard Way.

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funniest thing ever!! i completely agree this is literally wat twilight is. best thing ever :)
wildon3 BRONZE said...
on Jun. 19 2010 at 6:54 pm
wildon3 BRONZE, Sewell, New Jersey
2 articles 0 photos 1 comment

Favorite Quote:
In every girls life; there&#039;s a boy she&#039;ll never forget and a summer where it all began.

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this story made me laugh so hard. iloveyou for writing this:)

 

RedvinesWTHCantTheyDo GOLD said...
on Jun. 18 2010 at 6:39 pm
RedvinesWTHCantTheyDo GOLD, Zephyrhills, Florida
10 articles 0 photos 154 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;You make one more comment like that I will wrap you in a tortilla shell and eat you as a snack, maybe with some nice pico de gillo.&quot;~ Lauren Lopez in Starship<br /> &quot;If you don&#039;t die for something, I&#039;ll kill you for nothing.&quot;~ Lauren Lopez in Starship

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Oh my gods. LOL that was great. Bravo Bravo. HILARIOUS.
xXKittyRawrRawrXx BRONZE said...
on Jun. 18 2010 at 1:18 pm
xXKittyRawrRawrXx BRONZE, Sparks, Nevada
4 articles 0 photos 4 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;oh my god you killed Kenny!&quot;<br /> <br /> &quot;screw you guys im going home!&quot;

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hahqa this made my day !!!! i can totally imagine their next movie exactly like this, maybe then i would acutally watch it for laughs!
Boppsta BRONZE said...
on Jun. 18 2010 at 12:50 pm
Boppsta BRONZE, Wantagh, New York
2 articles 2 photos 3 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;I&#039;d rather be 9 people&#039;s favorite thing than a hundred people&#039;s ninth favorite thing.&quot; - [title of show]

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This made my day!!!!!!!!!!!

Haha so funny and I really like twilight!

soletmar BRONZE said...
on Jun. 18 2010 at 10:49 am
soletmar BRONZE, Dobbs Ferry, New York
3 articles 24 photos 65 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;If you wanna be a dancer dance/ In you wanna be a miner mine/ If you wanna dress like somebody else/ Fine fine fine/ Cause what the hell is wrong with expressing yourself/ And trying to be free?&quot;<br /> Draco: &quot;You know they don&#039;t have dances at pigfarts.&quot;

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i'm in the exact same situation. lol. XD
IamtheshyStargirl PLATINUM said...
on Jun. 17 2010 at 7:54 pm
IamtheshyStargirl PLATINUM, Lothlorien, Utah
44 articles 16 photos 2206 comments

Favorite Quote:
Boredom instigates extreme creativity. <br /> ~Amoniel<br /> <br /> "Bowing gratefully to all of my subjects, 'thank you. Thank you. The pleasure is mine." Nah, I'm just kidding. We're all kings together.'" <br /> ~Thesilentraven

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I LOVE THIS!!!!!!!! Though I've never watched the movies, or read the books.
polyprincess16 SILVER said...
on Jun. 17 2010 at 2:01 pm
polyprincess16 SILVER, Tracy, California
7 articles 0 photos 29 comments

Favorite Quote:
No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. ~Eleanor Roosevelt

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 im a fan of the books, but i hate the movies, yet this was so funny! loved it....you should so make it into a movie...lemme know when it happens!
RFrocker23 PLATINUM said...
on Jun. 16 2010 at 11:36 pm
RFrocker23 PLATINUM, Ballwin, Missouri
22 articles 1 photo 59 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Don&#039;t cry because it&#039;s over, smile because it happened.&quot;

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Umm it was kind of fantastic.
charlygee BRONZE said...
on Jun. 16 2010 at 6:50 pm
charlygee BRONZE, Orlando, Florida
3 articles 0 photos 5 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;To Beatrice---darling, dearest, dead.&quot; -Lemony Snicket

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That was amazingly fantastic :)
I----- said...
on Jun. 15 2010 at 3:24 pm
love it! Twilight should go burn.
Kgirl BRONZE said...
on Jun. 15 2010 at 3:16 pm
Kgirl BRONZE, Hopewell Junction, New York
2 articles 0 photos 30 comments
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I'm a fan of Twilight...and I loved this parody!!!  Please check out my work?
OfficialApprover PLATINUM said...
on Jun. 15 2010 at 3:14 pm
OfficialApprover PLATINUM, Orefield, Pennsylvania
48 articles 0 photos 1752 comments

Favorite Quote:
Grab life by the balls. -Slobberknocker<br /> We cannot change the cards we&#039;re dealt just how we play the hand<br /> Experience is what you get when you didn&#039;t get what you wanted<br /> It&#039;s pretty easy to be smart when you&#039;re parroting smart people<br /> -Randy Pausch

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Oh, and anyone who sees this, could you check out and comment on my work?
OfficialApprover PLATINUM said...
on Jun. 14 2010 at 8:35 pm
OfficialApprover PLATINUM, Orefield, Pennsylvania
48 articles 0 photos 1752 comments

Favorite Quote:
Grab life by the balls. -Slobberknocker<br /> We cannot change the cards we&#039;re dealt just how we play the hand<br /> Experience is what you get when you didn&#039;t get what you wanted<br /> It&#039;s pretty easy to be smart when you&#039;re parroting smart people<br /> -Randy Pausch

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Lol this is hilarious!  Personally, I'm still a fan of Twilight, and I love this.  Great job!
Jenni_M said...
on Jun. 13 2010 at 10:23 pm
Hahaha. Even fans have to appreciate this. Great work! You should send this to SNL or some other comedy thing. NigaHiga on YouTube? Hahaha. That'd be excellent.
lil' push-up peach said...
on Jun. 13 2010 at 9:34 pm
This pretty much sums it up.
Soccergirl1418 BRONZE said...
on Jun. 13 2010 at 6:21 pm
Soccergirl1418 BRONZE, Hubbard, Oregon
2 articles 0 photos 8 comments
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That is really funny! I love it!!