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Little Red
The wolf crept slowly forward. He growled, almost seeming to taunt Red with his blood stained teeth.
Red screamed.
She paused, hoping her cry would be answered. But no response was given to her.
In the moonlight the wolf's eyes seemed to glow with the ghosts of his past victims.
She screamed again; now, causing her arms and legs to tremble with terror.
Red took a step back. Her heel hit the base of a sturdy oak tree, its long branches seemed to enshroud her. She pressed her back, hard against the bark of the tree hoping it would consume her.
A single tear broke free, it rolled down her cheek and then stopped. Oh why had she not obeyed her Grandmother? Why had she gone into the forbidden forest?
Red opened her mouth, trying to scream for the third time. But no sound came. She closed her eyes slowly excepting her fate.
The wolf snarled again. It was hungry.
Red only hoped that now in the middle of this dark, and forboding place her end would be quick.
She could almost imagine his teeth sinking in to her skin. Allowing the blood to pour. She breathed in deeply trying to calm herself...The wolf lunged.
Red braced herself waiting to cry out in pain. But it was the wolf who howled in pain. He landed a foot away, as if some unknown invisible force had kicked him.
The wolf whimpered, looking distastfully up at Red, then scampered away like a little puppy.
Little Red Riding Hood gasped, just now remembering the red cloak she wore. The red wool hood her grandmother had given her. Of course. How stupid! She had forgotten about the magic in the wool that protected her. In the terror she had forgotten.
Red slumped down to the ground, letting out a muffled sob. She hugged herself allowing the tears of joy to flow freely off her face.
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This article has 24 comments.
I like very much that it's set in the moment. However, your approach to this moment makes it a bit choppy. When focusing on a moment and making that the entirety of a story, you need to really hit every single detail because that is what the moment is made of. Yes, you did describe various major moments but you need to go more in depth. What is tree bark really like, besides just "hard"? Does she smell anything? What is the air like? These are all important details that enhance a moment-concentrated story.
Also, though it is an interesting twist at the end, it seems very deus ex machina because of its abrupt delivery. Though it is a plot twist, you cannot just drop it at the end. There needs to be a natural build up, subtle though that may be.
Keep on writing. I think you're on to something!
This is like writing to yourself, instead of an audience. I'm not trying to be mean, just helpful :/
(writing to yourself is a hard habit to get out of)
Thanks for commenting! It means alot.
haha okay and thanx :o :P
omg!!!! you have got to write more, I beg of you!!!!!!!! O.O It was very descriptive