Anguish
          The year was 1815 as she sat alone in the secluded halls. Her mental demons had taken control, as she was at her their horrific mercy. Her father, mother, and brothers deaths still lingered in the mansions atmosphere, with the stench of mourning still upon her mental and physical being. If those filthy gypsies had not been at the right place at the right time, she would be blessed with their presence, but alas, they had ransacked and viciously murdered them for personal gain. The light of the golden hour used to fill little Holly with wonder and a euphoric sensation of optimism, whereas now it simply filled her with the misery of distant memories, whose wisps of joy seemed alienated with her present emotions. Silent tears cascaded down her stoic face, like the majestic falls that resided in the most cherished places of earth, only there was no beauty in this sight. as she retrieved the dagger from the desk drawer and hid it in her shawl, she felt no inhibition for her next transgression.
Actions
          She had succumbed to her greatest adversary. At the age of 21, she was mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and soon to be physically dead. Holly wrapped her shawl around her pale arms and rose from the cushy chair, that had might as well have been made of razors for all the agony she felt. She trudged to the front door and as she opened, saw no beauty in the fresh world that she had long taken for inspiration. She drew herself into the garden and sought the solitude of the woods, knowing what she had to do if she had any self pity. She turned slowly, and gave her home, her soul, one final look, before sprinting into the distance, ignoring the calls of the servants, prepared to defy everything she thought she believed in.
              Holly's energy was fueled by fear. Her fear of the world and of any more potential anguish she might encounter. She wished she could leave all of her love behind, she knew she had to if she wanted to survive. But she had no plans of, in fact, surviving. Her golden hair, flew behind her, like a  great willows branches giving into the infinite power of the wind. She fell to the base of a great pine and grasped the tree trunk in her arms and held with more passion that it merited. She slowly and drunkenly trudged through the woods, sobbing ferociously. Her barefeet were sharply stabbed, but the pain kept her grounded. Holly felt as a pathetic child, yet with much less agency, and infinitely more helpless. She stumbled upon the hem of her dress, and fell, only she did not get up, but pulled herself to the base of the nearest tree and leaned against it. She pulled the dagger from its confines, and saw the triumph in its dull gleam. She looked at her surroundings that she took for granted. The rays of light that snuck through the trees, the sounds of nature and life with the breeze comforting them, with the crisp air that smelled vibrantly of pine. She inhaled, and took the ultimate commitment, and plunged the dagger in her heavy chest. “Over,” was the final wisp of a thought that penetrated her once pure mind.

Existence
          She arose in untouched beauty.  Here at lakes edge. Holly had no fatigue or physical discomfort. On the contrary, she felt as though she had the energy of a young child, yet still possessed her adult body. It was either early morning, or late evening. The golden light hit the vast meadow in the valley at an impeccable angle. The rolling hills seemed to have been left isolated by the means of any mobile life, leaving the air more crisp than a freshly picked apple, yet it still felt of the perfect temperature. The grass fields were littered with flowers of unfathomable natures. Trees that stretched to the snow capped mountains surrounded the perimeter of the meadow, and in the middle of all of this was a majestic lake, whose waters lied so clear and still, you would’ve mistaken it for glass.
               Holly rolled over onto her stomach so she was at the very edge of the lake. She dipped her hand in and tasted the lake's water. It couldn't have been water, for it tasted of sweet nectar that only gods must drink. It had a rich smooth feeling that elated each of her senses, leaving her dazzled and dumbfounded. She put her lips to the water and began to drink plentifully. She fell onto her back and laughed absurdly. A breeze, the flurry of a bird, the rays of the sun. “I must be in Paradise!” she thought. And suddenly, once more unto the breach. Her family, still gone, still separate, still, away from her. She had killed herself to get away from that. To free herself from the bonds of mortal pain. She had died for nothing. As these menacing thoughts stole her away, Her surroundings changed. The clouds turned a hideous black , along with the trees and the now withering flowers. The lake was being sucked into the ground, with the pit it had once resided in being an ugly dry brown, as though the lake had been gone for years.
               Holly suddenly realized that this utopia, or heaven wasn't such a thing. She was in her mind. She was literally a slave, and a guest in her own mind. She would have to learn to push the negatives out, and think optimistically to really survive in this strange new world. She closed her eyes and used her arsenal of memories of her family, and she realized how foolish she had been. All this time if she had accepted their departure and learned to remember, rather than regret, she could have been happier as her living self. She would wander this world for eternity. Holly would have a satisfactory existence in her mind, but at that cost.
             So , you see, you can't simply run away from the vexatious* things you may encounter in life. Face what is true, and don't delude yourself by thinking all is lost, yet don’t delude yourself into all is well. One day it will all end, and the regret we feel, should really be the pride we feel. Acceptance is key, and once we accept what has already come to pass, we can truly endure and persevere whatever pathetic little obstacle is thrown at us. Don’t let your mind enslave, but rather let it welcome you with open arms, and you, with an open heart.
                    The End