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It Would Be Lovely
The calm of the forest is somewhat disturbing, disrupted only by small rays of sunshine, moving and glimmering. The soft, golden glow is too bright to her eyes, so she avoids the glare that comes from the sky. There stood the trees, stoic, a relaxing deep green, lulling her into a melody broken only by the sway of the pine needles and the gentle breeze. After deciding that she has sat still for too long - even if too long is merely a minute - she stretches out her wings. A worm or two down below would make for a snack both delicious and appetizing. Her head snaps to attention, and sure enough, the dive begins. She flies towards the ground, the exhilaration halted by the extension of a lovely pair of blue wings. Pink and slimy worms squished inside her beak, and the food could not have been better. Sure enough, the satisfaction and the absent minded actions were too good to be true as the obvious break and snap of a branch caused her to freeze. The haunting sound echoed in her mind. Everything was still. Someone had pressed the pause button for the world, save for the whispers of the wind. There it was. Out of the corner of her eye, she spotted the streak of reddish brown laid out against the dirt, dappled with circles of sunshine. A fox, malicious eyes glinting with the prospect of a meal. She knew she could outfly him at this distance, but for some reason her little heart was still racing.
In the blink of an eye, her wings extended and she was in the sky and above the treeline. Delighted and relieved to be away from those hungry, evil, and frightening eyes. Oh, to be free of fear. To be free of prying eyes. To be free of the constant, vigilant watch she endured in the dangers of the forest. The wind blew and ruffled her feathers, the shivering breeze that belonged to the coast meandering behind her. As she drifted over the grey ocean, a mirror of the clouds, she wondered briefly how nice it would be to become a whale. Why that absent minded thought crossed her mind she didn't know, but to be fair, she didn't know much. It wasn't a stupid idea. She could be big enough so that she would never frighten. That stupid, stupid fox wouldn't be the reason that she received electric jolts of fear. Electricity. The blink of an eye. She froze in the air, a useless thing, dead. Her wings were pointless for all they were worth, and suddenly she didn’t have wings at all. Her skin felt like it was searing hot, an inferno, and her feathers withered and crumbled to dust. She was beautiful and blue, and now she was burning, shriveling, falling. She was falling. To anyone watching, which there wasn’t, it would look like a bird had been shot dead, free falling into the grey abyss. With barely the splash of a pebble, all was quiet again, as if nothing had happened.
Her eyes flared open, the shock of the water slammed into her system, and her heart seized up. The air around her was murky and dim and dark. She twisted her head left to right. Frantic. The movements of objects around her blurred and obscured and she panicked. Horrified. Terrified. But she wasn't burning anymore. Her skin wasn't searing, and her feathers weren't crumbling. She wasn't even in the air anymore. She was floating in the serene blanket of grey ocean she was above only a few minutes ago. Her movements were slow, despite her urgency, marked by her gigantic form that swirled through the molasses that everyone called water. A whale. She inhaled the molasses, alive once her breathing caught up to her heartbeat. Minutes passed, and she realized that nothing around her was big enough to harm her. She came to her senses. Fish passed though her vision; she was the most massive object as far as she could see. As she explored the vast area, she greeted all kinds of new things that she had never before witnessed. New colors and new flashing, shimmering objects. Fish that were flat and fish that were round and spiky, and instincts told her not to touch those ones. As time went on, she began smiling more and more, and she wondered whether she herself looked as starkly different to others as they did to her. Sunlight speckled lazily through the water, lighting up the motions of waves just as the golden glow had done in the forest so long ago. She drifted along, and the surface kept coming closer and closer until one day she breached the air again. Curving her back, spraying water out of her blowhole. Being here in the water was the most content she had been in a while- free of fear, free of prying eyes, free of paranoia. She was finally massive enough to not feel the need to check over her shoulder or move every few minutes. Nothing could harm her. As it turns out, she was completely naïve.
Shade passed over an area of water next to her, the golden spotlights disappeared, and she felt a deep chill in her bones- an almost forgotten feeling to her mind. She was being hunted. Fear coursed through her veins once again, sharp and blurry. Electric. Frantic, she grasped to the thought that she was too big to be hunted, nothing could come for her. Images flashed through her mind of whale hunters and humans, those monsters with their cruel, unsettling white smiles. Humans with poison-laden eyes as evil as the fox she remembered from a lifetime ago. Spears with points that would soon cause blood to spill into the ocean as dark and gut-wrenching as an oil spill. The waves felt tumultuous and terrifying, unlike the memories of serene and peaceful water she clung to. She felt trapped. She had to get away. They were coming for her. Rising to the surface and emitting a loud noise that echoed through the brisk air, she caught sudden sight of the devil's boat- the whale catchers. Teeth that gleamed with the brightness of stars she used to love, their screams and yells a horrifying symphony- a death march. She didn't know much, but fear was all she knew. As if hit with a sudden desire, she thought with desperation about how lovely, how safe it would feel to be a bird again. Small enough that they couldn’t catch her. Couldn’t kill her. All she wanted to do was escape from these vile, evil monsters. In that moment, everything that was small grew large again. Her skin grew freezing, stiff, burning with ice. Her body erupted in pain and bone-crushing tremors as her skin parted at the pores, her lovely, lush feathers growing back. To anyone who was watching, which there was, it would look as if the whale was a hallucination caused by weeks at sea. The only animal that existed in that moment was a beautiful blue bird, hovering in the stormy sky. Drowning in the pain. Catching the air in her wings was an unfamiliar feeling, she was unsteady as she did, but it was instinctual. Go to land as fast as she could.
After a few weeks as a bird again, she settled back in her branch. She spent her time watching for worms down below, as well as keeping a watchful eye out for the fox that vexed her continually. Taking off, she soared through the forest on the edge of a small, seaside town. A thatched cottage, covered in old ivy vines and a thick fog, rested with serenity facing the ocean. The second story window was propped open, and on a cushioned bench by the window sat a girl. A girl that was staring at a book, contemplating with clear precise thoughts, but not reading at all. A book held open only by her hand, as her mind was elsewhere. The red cover was dipping down towards her bent knees, the fancy gold inscription worn beyond recognition. Pages were dog-eared at the corners, yellow highlighter lines scattered across the words. Pillows and blankets of various patterns surrounded her body, haphazard and strewn. A minuscule motion, catching her otherwise wandering attention, caused the book to drop completely and close. Her eyes widened at the sight of a lovely little blue bird, coasting on the breeze without a care in the world. Sighing, she placed her chin on the palm of her paint-flecked hand. A sudden thought came to her mind, drifting and casual as the waves of the sea. “Oh, how lovely it would be to be a bird. I could be free.”
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This was based off of a poem my mom wrote when she was young- "If I were a bird, I wouold want to be a whale. But as soon as whalecatchers came, I would quickly turn back to a bird again." To me, it's about wanting to be someone or something else, just to escape problems or dangers that come with being yourself.