I can't do this anymore. | Teen Ink

I can't do this anymore.

January 31, 2020
By Anonymous

Here is a little bit of a book that I started with this and never actually finished. Enjoy!

 

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I can't do this anymore.

I sobbed, my heart beating loud enough for the whole world to hear. I cried and cried until my body could not take it anymore. I stood up from the corner of my room I had been for the last three hours. Walking, crying, stumbling. I was done with all this. With him. With them. With the entire world. I wanted them to know how I was feeling, even though they wouldn't even notice my cry for help.

I swung open the door to the medicine cabinet. I grabbed what I needed, and, grabbing the piece of paper that I had written three days ago, I made my way back to my bedroom. I heard the front door open. My brother. He could find me. Save me. No, he wouldn’t. Nobody would. Even if they did, whether I survived, all anyone would do is forget within a week.

Back in the corner, I curled up, thinking about everything. About my dad, my fake friends, and everybody in the world who could not see what was happening to me. I opened the pill bottle and took out all the contents. I stared at them in my hand, scared, determined, hopeful. Somebody could come and save me? This was the only way to find out. I shoved the pills into my mouth, swallowing them as fast as I could. Now, we wait.

What was I doing? If I survived, I would have to go back to this. I should have waited for a time when nobody was home. When nobody would be able to save me. I would be able to be done with all this and have no possible way that somebody could take me out of my inescapable fate.

I began to hyperventilate, shaking uncontrollably. I was cold. I screamed. I didn't want this. “I take it back! Please!” I tried to stand up to get my brother, but my knees buckled before I had even moved an inch.

I put my hand on the wall, trying to regain my balance. I stood up, unable to stop shivering. I was so cold, I thought I had lost all the warmth within me. I took barely half a step and fell down again.

I screamed again, breathing heavily, trying to stay awake- no, alive- long enough for someone to find me. What if nobody came? What if I didn’t survive?

I heard footsteps racing toward me as I faded, losing all my energy in seconds. The last thing I heard was my brother’s voice, screaming. “Stay with me, Sam. Please. Don't leave me like this. Please! Don't go!”

 

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The author's comments:

I personally see this as one of my best pieces of writing, and I have always wanted to actually complete something with as much confidence as I have with this.


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