Ba-boom. Ba-boom. Ba-boom. My slow heartbeat is the only sound that can be heard here. My glazed eyes frit around the stark white room. The soft, fuzzy blanket encompasses me in its warmth. I smile because it reminds me of the time Mama hugged me. She does not do that anymore, I don’t know why but she stopped. My shallow breath comes out in wisps and my eyes slowly shut. I dream of summer. The freedom, tranquility, and happiness of summer; the thoughts color my dreams.



I dream of the time Mama held me, It was midnight in the dead center of summer. The breezy wind whispered soft things in my ear and Mama encased me in her arms. I was safe there, no one could hurt me. Her arms shielded me from all the terrible truths of the real world. I looked up at the starry night sky and wondered about the future. It is such a mystery, I thought, the future is the only thing humans have not been able to control. I used to think as I lay in Mama’s arms that my future would be okay. How wrong I was.


Ba-boom…Ba-boom…Ba-boom…My heart will not go any faster. It is slowing down. Should that scare me? I don’t know; all I know is that I don’t want it to go any faster, but I don’t want it to stop. People cry because of my heart. I don’t understand why but they do. I try to tell them to stop, I try to tell them that my heart is fine, but I cannot. Whenever I speak, it seems as though nobody is listening. It’s a mystery to me, I never understand why. I guess there are a lot of things I don’t understand. I also don’t understand why Mama won’t hug me. She never visits me; I want her to be the one coming here, but I never see her.


Papa used to come see me too. He would come with a nice, young girl and he would give me gifts. I was happy back then; seeing Papa come visit me made me feel like a million dollars. Then one day the man with a white coat gave Papa some papers. I don’t know what the papers said, but they seem to have made Papa angry. He looked down, then up at me, then down again. That day Papa was yelling for the first time. He yelled a lot and threw things around and, finally, left. I never saw him again. Afterwards, a lady with a strict looking face and sharp features came to talk to me. She used a lot of big words that I did not understand but, mostly, she said the word “orphan”. I am not sure that that means, but I think she was calling me it.


Ba-boom…..Ba-boom…….Ba-boom……It’s coming slower and slower now. People are standing over me. There are tears in their eyes. Once again, I try to tell them to stop, but they don’t listen to me. My eyes are drifting closed. I decide that I’ll dream about summer and how Mama used to hug me. This time, thought, I’ll have Papa in the picture too. He won’t have the nice, young girl that makes Mama mad with him. Papa will come with all smiles and we’ll be one, happy family. Ba-boom……..Ba-boom……….Ba-boom…………Ba-boom…………Ba-…..boom………………………..