“Knowledge is power”, I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard that, if only people knew about me. They strive to know everything without knowing just what that entails, just how that will make you feel. What’s power without happiness anyways, without excitement? You’d think that knowing everything would give you some sort of satisfying feeling or maybe you would pass onto a higher plane of existence. You’d be wrong though, not even close. I mean, what’s the next goal? What do I strive for? I slowly pulled the gun away from my head, I should just end this, I am weak.

All my life people have been jealous of me, telling me that I’m “gifted”, that I shouldn’t squander what I have. What makes them think they can tell me what is and isn’t squandering my life though? They just want me to make their lives better, they don’t actually care about me. Regardless, I don’t see it as a gift at all; it is more of a curse. I have never been able to enjoy, or even have things like love, conversation or any sort of friendship. Social interactions never turn out well, just end in me being annoyed. People are just a vessel harboring nothing but a small amount of incorrect thoughts. Friendships are formed when you want to know more about the other person, because you’re interested. But every time I have ever met someone I have known everything about them and their thoughts. So there is no mystery, nothing to be interested in.

It’s not just the knowledge that drove me to this point though, it’s the one thing that I don’t understand, myself. Why is it that I’m the only one stuck with this horrible burden? Why is it that I don’t know everything I am going to think, or do I? There is no way to be sure. It drives me crazy having the one thing in this world that is out of my control being me. I’m scared of what I will do next, because I have no idea what that is. People wake up every morning hopeful that something good will happen, choosing to ignore all the awful things that could happen. They mentally plan out the direction their day will take, they even look forward to the surprise that their day might bring. Whereas I wake up scared, scared for what will happen that day. Scared that I don’t have a goal, don’t have a direction. What should I do? Just wallow in my never ending thoughts and self pity? That isn’t any way to live my life.

Even if I were to get up and go outside, no good would come of it. There is nothing that hasn’t been done already, nothing that hasn’t been learned yet. I don’t see why I would interact with all the other humans; they are just a bunch of a inferior, unintelligent, inbred mutts anyways. They have nothing to contribute to me. So then it’s decided, there is no logical reason I should stay in this world. Hasn’t evolution prepared us to overcome primal instincts anyways? So who’s to say that the instinct of self preservation isn’t the next one we needed to overcome? The world would be better without us anyways. So I think everyone should do it a favor, and kill themselves. They all think I’m the smartest man in the world, and they’re probably right. I know they won’t listen to me though, just a bunch of unevolved brutes that can only listen to their instinctual thoughts when it comes to death. I slowly raised the gun to my head and squeezed the trigger. The rudimentary armament hissed and whined as it launched a small piece of metal though my brain. Just then, and only then I finally knew what it was like to be clear of what had plagued me my entire life, thought.