Fearless | Teen Ink

Fearless

August 4, 2013
By Mahikaa SILVER, Jakarta, Other
Mahikaa SILVER, Jakarta, Other
6 articles 0 photos 0 comments

I have always hated the idea of speaking in front of people. The very idea of speaking makes me want to throw up. This whole fear started in 3rd grade, when I had to do a presentation on my hobbies. Before I could even start, I was sweating like crazy, and twiddling my fingers. Let’s just say, I learnt that when you faint during a presentation, you don’t get graded. After that experience, I somehow talked all my teachers out of testing me on oral skills. Sometimes I’d just research more, sometimes I’d just explain to them how I couldn’t do it and they accepted it. This time though, my persuasion skills weren’t exactly working. “ Mr. Dean, how about I just do twice as much for my written part? Isn’t that the same as doing an oral and a written part?”, I said with a polite smile.

Mr. Dean sighed and looked at me as if I was some sort of little kid he was losing patience with, “ Look Ami, an oral presentation is in no way the same as a written one. It is compulsory for you to do it, as it is for everyone else.”

“But, Mr.Dean, you don’t understand. I just can’t do it, I’ve never been able to do it!”, I said desperately.

“You’re in 8th grade now Ami, you can do this. Trust me, it will all go fine.” replied Mr.Dean with a smile. I bit my lip and was walking out of class when he added, “ Just make sure you practice.” Once outside, I sighed, so loudly that some kids nearby started to stare at me. Oh who cared, I had bigger problems. Ugh, how was I going to do this.

Well, the first step was to get all the information about my favorite book, Twilight. Mr.Dean had said something about picking the key factors about that book that made it, in my opinion, a great one. So I did do that. That part took me about an hour, because that part was the easy part. I made a poster, made it all colorful and put all my information on it. Done in an hour. Easy. But it was about to get a lot harder, cause it was time for the second step, which was to write the script. Write exactly what I was going to say . . . in front of the whole class. . . which means 20 kids . . . and on top of that, I was going to get graded on it. I decided, I had done enough for the day.

When I told my mom about the entire oral presentation dilemma, she grinned. “ Mom! Why in the world are you smiling? My life is going to be over on Monday morning, and you’re happy?”, I said shocked.

“Honey, this is a good thing, trust me on that!” she said, patting my head. I sighed and walked away. What the heck is wrong with everyone? Why does everyone want me to trust them?I sighed and walked away just as I did before with Mr.Dean and as I left my mother called out, “ Don’t stress it baby, you’ll do great!”. I shook my head at my mom’s silliness, and didn’t reply.

When I sat down to write my script, I realized what part was confusing me. I mean, I knew exactly what I was supposed to say at the end, “ Thank you for listening” and the middle
was all about my research. The only thing that was bugging me was how to greet my classmates. Should I say, “ Greetings” ? Or would it be too formal. Or “ Good morning all”?


At the end, I decided to go with “ Hey guys”. I only chose this because after I looked up on Google, “ most effective way to start a presentation in 8th grade”, it came up with that. Apparently, Google can help you with anything.

I must have practiced that script about a hundred times. When I practiced, sometimes I’d say the whole thing without a single mistake and sometimes I would stutter so much that it would take me 5 minutes to go through the first 3 lines. The night before my speech, exactly that happened. I was stuttering and stuttering and I felt like I just couldn’t do it. I burst into tears and cried. Sobbed would be a better word actually.

My mom heard me right away, and came into my room. I must have looked like a mess, on my bed with a box of tissues right next to me. I certainly felt like a mess.

“ Sweetie, what happened?” asked my mom. I didn’t reply.

“ It’s the presentation isn’t it? Look honey, you’re looking at it the wrong way. This oral presentation is not a punishment, it’s an opportunity”, she said. I stared at her, wondering how in the world we were related. She gave me a slight smile and continued, “ Speaking in front of people is an important life skill and Mr.Dean is giving you the chance of learning it and practicing it”. I still didn’t reply. She sighed and got up, turning the lights off. As she closed the door she said, “ Good night my darling.”

I couldn’t go to sleep for the longest time. I kept thinking about what my mom had said. Should I be feeling happy about this? Lucky? Grateful?Still not coming to any conclusion, I finally went to sleep.The next day is a blur to me. I remember only from when my name was called out for the presentation.

While walking to the front of the class, my legs wobbled. The familar whiteboard was now intimidating.  Once there, I looked at everyone and froze. 20 eyes blinked back at me, blank expressions waiting for me to begin. But I couldn’t.  I was about to run off or make up an excuse, but before I could I remembered my mom’s words. It was an opportunity.  Shaking still, I managed to stutter out, “Hey guys”

After those two words, I can’t say it was a breeze. But by the end, I was smiling and everyone was smiling back. Mr.Dean gave my rubric after class with a reassuring smile.

Ten out of fifteen.It was a D. But who cared?  I had just battled my fear and won. I guess even when things look like they can’t get any worse, if you look at them in a different way, they turn out better than expected.

I rushed home to tell my mom the good news.


The author's comments:
A story does not have to have the perfect happy ending in order to be satisfying. Life doesn't work that way anyways. "Fearless" highlights the story of one battling her fear and achieving success regardless of the particular results.

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