Moving from state to state didn't bother me anymore. I had grown accustomed to going to different schools every few years. The longest I've ever stayed in one place was in the city I was born in, Bronx, New York. Growing up in a Puerto Rican/Cuban family meant that wherever one of us went, the family would follow. It wasn't until I was about ten years old that my father wanted to start living in different states, to get a feeling of somewhere else other than New York. Every placed we lived in, whether it was Texas, Illinois, Iowa, New Mexico, Washington, or California, my father was never fully content. He would always say that one day we would go back to New York and finally get over his wanderlust. We never stayed in one place for more than a few months. It was always after my mother got comfortable working at a hospital and my father started working at a law firm that his wanderlust would kick in and we were on the move again. My mother would always tell me,
"Honey, one day we'll be back in the Bronx and you'll finally be with Sammi."
Samantha, or Sammi for short, is my best friend. We have known each other since kindergarten. After seeing her get bullied in the playground, I felt very protective of her. Since then, we have been inseparable. When my father announced that we would be moving, I felt as though my world was falling apart because I would be leaving my best friend. We promised each other that we wouldn't lose contact and we kept that promise. Once a week we either called or Skyped each other and talked about everything that went on that week. That lasted for the first few years. I was never good at making friends at the new schools. I eventually gave up on wanting to get to know anyone because I knew I would be moving soon after. I'd have to deal with being sad and saying goodbyes. That all seemed over-rated now. After my father announced that we would finally be moving back to the Bronx, I broke down into tears and my sister jumped into my arms. She practically grew up on the road and was never able to make close friendships with people at school. She is ten years old now and is excited to be able to see our family back home.
Sitting on the plane, looking down at my iPod, I noticed that the bedazzles letters on the case had started to fall off. It spells out my name, Juliette, but now it's missing a little off the top of the J and the end of the E is starting to chip off too. This case was sent to me by my best friend on my birthday, two years ago. I haven't talked to her as much since the beginning of the summer. She started hanging out with different people and canceling our weekly Skype chats. I haven't talked to her in almost a month; she doesn't even know I'm coming home. My sister, Marisol, distracted me from my thoughts. She was eating the complementary bag of peanuts the flight attendant had given us. She tried to take mine but I saw her reaching for it and she retracted her arm quickly, pretending like she wasn't doing anything.
"Mari, do you want my peanuts?" I said to her.
She nodded yes, with her mouth full of the salty snacks. She must have eaten my mom's bag too because she doesn't just one wrapper in her little hands. The pilot announced that we are nearing our destination and that there was about twenty minutes left until landing. I felt my stomach clench up, going back home made me nervous. Coming back for senior year meant that I was one year away from going to college, moving out and becoming an independent adult. I was both excited and scared. The seatbelt light came on, we started our descent. My parents told us that we would be moving back into our old house, which made me very excited because from my bedroom window, I had a beautiful view. There were people always walking their dog and kids playing on the playground. Old couples went on walks by the small pond. The park always seemed to be a calm, peaceful area. Pulling up to the building, it looked the same it did seven years ago. The doorman still stood proudly at the door, awaiting someone for whom he can open the door for. The floors were shiny and clean and lobby smelled fresh. We were greeted by a girl at the front desk, who looked bored out of her mind. My father tells her that we were the new residents and she tells us that our apartment is on the 12th floor. I was already at the elevator, anxious to go up. All our belongings had already been delivered so all we had to do was unpack. Opening the door, I took in the image of our apartment. Crisp white walls with accents of a rosy pink decorated the room, sunlight that came in through the window made the room feel warm. It felt great to be home. I walked to what was and still is my bedroom. The walls had been painted a light shade of green. It looked a lot bigger without all my belongings inside. The walk in closet was soon filled to the brim with all my clothes and shoes. The far left corner was still all windows. This was my favorite area of the room; I remembered sitting in that spot and reading for hours and hours. I heard my mother call me from the living room,
"Juli, someone is here to see you."
I haven't been home for more than a few minutes and someone was already looking for me? I walked into the living room and tears came to my eyes. Sammi was standing there with a bag in her hand and a smile on her face. We ran into each other’s arms and cried for about ten minutes. My parents greeted her and my sister gave her a big hug. We went back to my room and started catching up.
"Juli, I've missed you so much! I'm sorry I haven't been on Skype, this summer has been so crazy that I haven't been able to find the time."
She said it without looking at me. She looked so different since the last time I saw her on Skype. Her skin had lost a lot of color and she looked a lot thinner. The bones on her face were very defined and her eyes looked sunken in. I grabbed her hand and made her look at me.
"Sammi, are you OK? You don't look so well."
Her eyes look lost to me. She shakes her head, as though brushing off the question.
"Yeah, I'm fine. Remember, I had a crazy summer."
She forced a smile and I knew that was all I was going to get out of her, for now. She handed me the bag she had with her, excited for me to see what's inside. I hesitantly opened it.
"You got me a school hoodie?!?!?!?"
I couldn't help but glow with joy. A smile spread across Sammi's face, "Of course I did, I just thought, you know, since you're starting your first year at Matley East that you would like some spirit wear." I couldn't stop smiling. The hoodie was red with the mascot in the front. Matley East High School was written in large gold letters and a warrior stood proudly in the middle. At my previous schools, I was never there long enough to watch football games or go to other sporting events. It meant a lot to me that she would get me something from a school we were both finally going to attend together. She looked into my eyes and said,
“Juli, this year is going to be crazy. You are going to make amazing friends but always remember that you and I are like sisters. I’ll always have your back, no matter what. So don’t be afraid to live life to the fullest.”
She ended with a smile that brightened both our faces. I pulled her into a hug and we both started laughing. For the rest of the evening she helped me unpack, and then we ordered some pizza and watched scary movies. I missed spending time with Sammi, there is never a dull moment with her. The night went on and we ended up falling asleep on the floor of my bedroom. The next morning, I woke up and Sammi was nowhere in sight. Her purse was still on the floor so she didn't leave the apartment but she wasn't in my room. Everybody else was still asleep so I decided to go look for her. I quietly stepped out of my room and listened to hear what room she might be in. I heard noise in the bathroom, she must be in there. I lightly knock on the door but there was no answer. I whispered,
"Sammi, you in there?"
Again, no answer.
I could hear a lot of movement, as though she was putting something away or trying to move something. And then nothing, no noise came from the bathroom. I knocked again, this time a little louder and called out her name.
"Sammi, are you OK???"
She didn't say a word. I started to get worried and decided to unlock the door. What I saw there in the bathroom would haunt my dreams until the end of time. Sammi was sprawled on the floor; her eyes were open but they weren't looking at anything. The color to her skin was gone and there were black rings under her eyes. I became overwhelmed with panic.
"SAMMI!! Wake up Sammi!!!"
I tried lifting her up, but her body was limp. There was a syringe next to the sink and many small marks on her veins. I should have noticed the signs. Never would I have guessed that my best friend was doing drugs. My parents heard my loud pleads and came rushing to the bathroom. My mother, being a nurse, quickly examined Sammi while my father called 9-11. Everything soon became a blur. There were paramedics rushing into our apartment, Sammi's mother cried in her husband's arms, and my parents held both my sister and I.
Soon we all gathered at the hospital, awaiting news about Sammi. Every so often Sammi's mother would ask the nurses how she was and their answer was always, "she is still under examination." Everybody was becoming very anxious and nervous, waiting for an answer. About four hours later, Dr. Roth walked out of the room and approached Sammi's parents. This isn't the first time that I had seen Dr. Roth. Before I moved, my mother worked at this hospital and I got to meet a lot of the doctors and nurses. She had changed a lot over the years. She looked a lot older; the late nights at the hospital were showing in how tired her skin and eyes looked. She usually wore a bright smile but not at this moment. The look on her face didn't give away any information.
"Mr. and Mrs. Cabrera, Samantha Cabrera was found on the bathroom floor of the Delani's apartment with large amounts of heroin in her system. Her body was not able to handle the drug properly and caused her to pass out. After some treatment and providing antibiotics into her system, she is reacting now and is out of harm. She will need to stay here for a few days so her body can recover but she will need rehabilitation to get her off her heroin addiction."
Samantha's parent's faces were in complete shock. They had no idea that their daughter was using drugs. I felt myself start to shake; I never would have thought that she would do something like that. She had mentioned that her summer was crazy but I never would have assumed that she was doing drugs. We all went into her room and the vision of her was haunting. She had IVs in her wrist, oxygen tanks connected to her nose and monitors connected to her fingers. Her eyes looked dark but her skin was a sickly color. She looked very weak. Her parents approach her and her mother quickly bursts into tears. Their conversation was a slur of sobs and chocked up words. Sammi's mom began to say,
"Mija, why would you do this to yourself? You're a smart girl, you don't need to do drugs."
Tears escape Sammi's dark eyes,
"Mama, I love you so much. I didn't want to cause you any pain. I never thought it would get out of hand."
Her voice was so quiet, as though the words were only for her mom. Her father held his daughter's hand and held his wife close. Sammi lifted her eyes towards her dad and managed to say,
"I need help."
It was almost five in the afternoon when I finally got a chance to talk to Sammi alone. Throughout the day, nurses had been taking care of Sammi and she has been sleeping a lot. She was finally awake and I could get a word with her. I pulled a chair next to her bed and she heard me sit down. She turned her head towards me and gave me a slight smile. Though she looked sick, she still had a sparkle in her eyes. I felt tears threatening to escape my eyes but I held them back.
"Sammi... why? Why would you do drugs? You were always the one that said drugs were bad. When did you change?"
She just looked at me, thinking of what to say first. She took a deep breath and looked into my eyes,
" It started around the end of June. I started working at the bowling alley on Marx street and there were a lot of druggies that hung around there. I promised myself that I would never get involved with those people. After about a month working there, the girl that I worked with invited me to a party. I was hesitant but I gave in and went. She told me it was just going to be a little get together at a friend’s house. Little did I know that that night was going to be the last time I would be OK."
At this point, I had tears in my eyes as I listened to her speak.
"By the end of the night, I was already drunk and willing to do anything. All I remember from that night was shooting up heroin with a group of guys, knocking out and waking up on the basement floor with the smell of beer, weed, and heroin on my skin and clothes. I felt dirty, and smelled like I had spent the night in the forest. My makeup was smeared across my face and my hair was a matted mess. I was freaking out at that point and didn't know whether to go home right away or try and get rid of the smell of party from my body. I walked up stairs to find other people asleep on the floor and the couch. At that point, they were starting to wake up and go home. I went upstairs and found a bathroom. I took a quick shower and went back downstairs. I was starting to feel weird. After the amazing rush from the night before, I wanted to feel it again. I went home to find my parents were out and nobody was home. I decided to change clothes and leave for work. I walked in to find my coworker in the back room trying to sleep. My head was pounding and the coffee I was drinking wasn't helping. She asked me if I had a great time last night and I asked her if there were any other parties coming up. She began telling me about this place downtown that was a party 24/7. I just wanted another rush and that's what I got. I started going once a week, and then it turned to everyday after work. Soon I was buying my own heroin and shooting up at home or at work. I couldn't go a day without it. All the money I was getting from the job was going to my addiction. Just a few days ago, your mom called my mom to tell us that your family was moving back. When she told me, I got really excited and I felt as though it was my window out of the addiction. My mind was suddenly focused on wanting to catch up and make plans together. It wasn't until this morning when I woke up, that I started feeling the desire for the drug again. I thought I was finally kicking the addiction, but I was very wrong. I couldn't sleep the whole night; I wanted it in my system very badly. I remembered I had a syringe and bottle in my purse. As soon as I felt the needle in my skin, I lost control and shot the full amount into my blood. I had never taken that much, and my body felt overwhelmed. The effect was no longer something I liked. I was in pain, the room was spinning and I felt woozy. I tumbled to the ground and then I woke up in a hospital bed. I never thought it would it would get so out of hand."
She finished off with a loud sigh and she closed her eyes. I didn’t know if she was going to sleep or if she was just pausing to think. She opened her eyes and looked at me. Her voice was still weak but she managed to say,
“Juli, I regret everything I did. You are and will always be my best friend. Please forgive me for doing wrong.”
She had tears in her eyes and the monitor next to her started beeping a little faster. Her heart beat was increasing and other monitors were lighting up as though in a frenzy. Nurses rushed into the room and I was asked to leave. I didn’t know what was going on. Before being dragged out of the room I managed to yell,
“SAMMI!! I LOVE YOU. YOU ARE MY BEST FRIEND AND I FORGIVE YOU FOR EVERYTHING…SAMMI!!! SAMMI, PLEASE!!”
I stood outside of the room as nurses closed the door in my face. There was nothing I could do after that so I walked to the waiting room. Sammi’s parents and mine were sitting together. When they saw me walk out, my mother asked me,
“What happened? Did they kick you out of the room?”
Tears were streaming from my eyes as I mumbled out the words,
“nurses and doctors are rushing to her, all her monitors were lighting up and she is being checked out.”
Worry was apparent on all of their faces. After waiting for about half an hour, Dr. Roth walked out into the waiting room. She had sadness in her eyes as she approached Sammi’s parents. In a soft voice she said,
“She didn’t make it…”
Sammi’s mother broke down into tears as she looked for shelter in the arms of her husband. Sorrow spread through the room as the fact that an amazing friend was just lost. It took about a second for it to sink in and I settled into the arms of my mother as I cried. Sammi’s parents were taken into Sammi’s room to see her before she was taken to the morgue. I couldn’t bring myself to see her. The last image I had of her was her smile as I was pushed out of the room. A week later, the funeral was held at Williams Funeral Home. Family and friends gathered to mourn the death of Samantha Cabrera. There seemed to also be a lot of people from Matley East there to mourn her death. It took a lot of strength to walk up to the casket and see her cold, limp body. She looked almost the same as she did alive. Her skin didn’t have any color and the dark circles were still under her eyes. The only difference was that she was no longer warm and her heart lay still. Tears escaped my eyes and my body started to shake. My mother appeared at my side and whispered,
“Be strong mija. We’ll get through this together.”
She pulled me into a hug and we walked away from the casket. Later on that day, we stood in the graveyard looking down as the casket was lowered into the ground. The sky was dark and clouds threatened with rain. The crowd, dressed in black, stifled sobs as they said goodbye to Sammi. Sammi’s mother was crying uncontrollably and all her husband could do was comfort her and tell her everything was going to be ok. The next week and a half went by like a blur of light. Soon enough, the next day was the first day of school. Teens bombarded stores to buy the latest fashion trends and parents swarmed other stores to buy school supplies for their kids. I hadn’t left my room at all that week. My mother had gone shopping for me but I hadn’t looked at what she bought me. I wasn’t ready to go to school. I had hoped that senior year would be great with my best friend by my side but those hopes are dead not. I had begun to organize some things in my closet when the hoodie Sammi had given me fell out. I had forgotten that I had put it on my shelf. I picked it up and a piece of paper fell out of the pocket. I hadn’t noticed it when Sammi first gave me the hoodie. Seeing the note brought back a thousand memories of Sammi. I was hesitant to read it but I brought myself to do it. The note read,
“Juli, I want to start off by saying that you are my best friend. The past couple of years have been so hard without you. Having to grow up and to go school without my best friend is something I never imagined I had to do. I know that with work and school I haven’t been keeping close communication with you. Just know that now that you are back we are going to make amazing memories together. This year is going to be great. We are going to do everything we talked about doing. Just know that I love you and you will always be my sister, no matter what happens between us. There will come a day where we won’t get to see each other but always know that you will always be my best friend. –Sammi <3” by the time I was done reading the note, tears had been running down my face. Those were the last words I got from my best friend. Although we had forced goodbyes, she will always be a part of me.