“Is he still there?” Dr. Wells asked, a yellow notepad lying on his crossed legs. His round glasses sat on his nose and behind him bookcases lined with rows and rows of books sat staring at me. He held a black gel pen which was carefully poised above the notepad waiting to write down everything that was wrong with me, or so Eevlot told me. Everything that he hated about me, everything that made me as screwed up as I was. Everything that everyone hated about. Because they did hate me.

“Don’t say it,” Eevlot told me. “Do not say it.” His voice echoed in my head in a million different whispers.

“No,” I said, trying to sit up as straight as I could. “They’re gone.” He looked up at me, his eyebrows raised.

“Really?” He asked leaning back in his chair. “All gone? If he told you to tell me he was gone-” he started but I shook my head.
“No.”

“Good,” Eevlot told me. “Very good.” A strand of hair fell in my face and I pushed it behind my ear only to have it fall back again. I looked down at the floor and clenched my hands together, fingers laced.

“I did it,” I told Eevlot in my head, almost tripping up and saying the words out loud. But I knew what he’d do to me if I did.

“Yes you did Claire, yes you did.” His voice had a tint of loftiness in it as he said the words but I was used to that, it didn’t surprise me.
“I’d like to up your dose to 50 milligrams,” Dr. Wells said and my head shot up, staring straight at him. “It’s common in schizophrenia for your hullucinations to tell you to do things. We want him to go away. You want him to go away.” I’m not sure if I do.
“But he’s gone...he’s gone,” I said desperately.

“Yes, but I’d still like you to do it. I’ll let your parents know,” he said calmly ignoring the harsh expression that had come over my face. “Why? Is that a problem?”

I looked back down, my hands sweating from the hold they had on each other. “No, sorry,” I replied. Out of the corner of my eye I saw him glance down at his watch them back up at me.

“Our time is up Claire. I’ll see you next week.” The tone in his voice stayed the same; calm and steady. I nodded and without saying anything walked out of the door my body heavy.

“You idiot,” Eevlot hissed. “Look what you did.”

“I’m sorry,” I replied quietly, the words somehow managing to escape my mouth.

“You’re so stupid,” he replied, his voice jarring. I flinched but kept walking. Out of the psychiatrists waiting room and into the hall.

Eevlot used to be nice to me. He never snapped and his voice was kind. He would take me away and I would fly with him, higher and higher each time. The wind would rush past my face and a large grin would never leave it. He would never insult me, never pointing out my flaws. He would take me to the Castle and I would stay there only with him. It was wonderful.

But then he started to tell me I was stupid, an idiot, I was screwed up and everyone hated me. He told me what to do and somehow I couldn’t disobey him. If I did he would punish me. He would make it cold, deadly cold. A cold that no winter could ever bring. A piercing cold that made my whole body hurt and no blanket, jacket or sweater could block it out. Sometimes he would make it hot. An agonizing hot just as intense, burning every part of my body so I fell to the floor with pain. “I do it for your own good,” he would say. “You should thank me.” “Why don’t you do it to anyone else?” I would ask him, tears stinging my eyes. “Only you deserve it,” was his clear answer. Nothing more, nothing less.

I guess at some point my parents started to notice what they called “odd and concerning behavior.” They took me to a psychiatrist who perscribed medication that he said would make the voice go away. But Eevlot told me I couldn’t take it. If I took it he would punish me. So I didn’t.

My mother picked my up outside of the building and drove me home, all the while chirping with conversation and asking me questions I didn’t answer.

“Did Dr. Wells say anything about your medication?” She asked as we pulled into our driveway.

“Don’t tell her,” he hissed again.

“No,” I replied, not looking at her.

“Really?” She asked, turning the car off and looking over at me.

“Yes,” I replied simply. She looked unconvinced but didn’t say anything more.

I opened the car door and slipped out of the vehicle, walking up to the house and sprinting straight up to my room the minute the door opened. I felt her gaze on me but I didn’t turn around. I shut the door behind me and lay down on my bed and closed my eyes.

“I’m disappointed in you,” Eevlot spoke, fire sparking from his eyes.

“I said I was sorry,” I replied, my body shaking.

“Sorry is meaningless,” he replied raising his eyebrows at me. “You should know that by now.”

“I-I do,” I said softly, sinking to my knees. I didn’t dare to look at him.

“I was going to take you flying today,” Eevlot said, his eyes boring into me. “But I don’t think I will. Not after what you did.”

“Please,” I begged finally looking up at him. “Please, you said you would.”

He shook his head and narrowed his eyes at me, fire still sparking within them. “And now I say I won’t,” he replied, a dangerous edge to his voice. “That. Is. Final.”

I felt a tear trickle down my cheek but I resisted saying anything else. Nothing good would come out if it, I knew that much.

“You know I only want what’s best for you,” he said, his voice softened slightly. “They don’t. They never did.” He made an expansive motion with his arm, referring to everyone else.

I nodded and wiped the tear away quickly, hoping he hadn’t noticed. “Yes, I know. Thank you.” It was hard to believe him, but he was so convincing. And why would he lie to me?

“And if you’re good,” he added. “Maybe I’ll let you stay in the Castle tonight.”

I looked up quickly, my heart starting to pick up speed. “Really?” This was more than I had even hoped for.

He smiled at me, something that had started to grow rare. “Yes, really.” I smiled back but as soon as the smile had come, it was gone. “If you’re good.”

Somehow the sounds of my parent’s voices entered my head but they were muffled and I couldn’t make out clearly what they were saying, not that I cared much.

“Ignore them,” Eevlot said, his words as cold as ice. “Don’t listen to a word they are saying. It’s all lies. They made up schizophrenia,” he said, the word rolling off his tongue with such hate and disgust that it made me cringe. “They made it up to hurt you.”

“I know,” I said, trying to sound forceful and brave. “It’s all a lie.”

He nodded at me and raised his head high. “Every bit of it.”