My mom was unusually quiet during dinner. As I enjoyed my spaghetti, I wondered “Why is she so quiet?” My brother Andrew broke the silence by asking bluntly “Mom is everything okay? You seem weird.” She took a deep breath and whispered softly, “I was diagnosed with lung cancer this afternoon.” Andrew and I looked at each other with blank faces not knowing what to say or do. All I could think was “My mother is going to die.” I was doing everything I could to try and not cry. I wanted to let my mom know that I was strong, and everything was going to be okay. I couldn’t fight the tears.

My dad walked into the kitchen and was confused on why I was crying. “What’s Going on?!” he shouted. Andrew asked him to sit down. I didn’t know what his reaction would be. Would he be sad that his wife is sick? Would he be pissed that he warned her to stop smoking? I don’t know. No one did.

We all sat there for at least 3 minutes without saying a word. My dad was having a mini panic attack, because he knew something was wrong. “ARE YOU PREGNANT?!” Now the tension was on. I felt like I was going to vomit. “Oh my gosh! No!” I felt pressured. Was I supposed to tell him? Would mom be upset that I’m the one who told him? “For Pete’s sake! Someone tell me why Anna’s crying!” He was beyond angry. “Honey! Relax.” My mom tried easing the tension. “I wanted to tell you that…..” She didn’t know how to say it. “Dad, Mom was diagnosed with lung cancer this afternoon.” Andrew blurted. “God dammit Debra! I told you to stop smoking years ago! Now look where it got you!” I looked over at my mom to see her crying. She was so overwhelmed with emotions. Dad looked across the table and stated calmly “Andrew, Anna, go to your rooms. Now.” As we started down stairs, Andrew started to cry. I tried to hug him, but before I could wrap my arms around him completely, and scolded me to leave him alone. When I reached my room, thoughts on what my life would be like without my mom consumed my mind. I was so nervous, I started to sweat. I layed in my bed for twenty minutes crying, but then stopped when I heard a sudden thump. Andrew and I both ran out of our rooms at the same time thinking it was a burglary. When we reached the top of our stairs, we witnessed my mom, unconscious, on our hardwood floor. My dad was hovering over her. My first reaction was he had pushed her. “WHAT DID YOU DO?!” Andrew panicked. “Nothing!” My dad shouted. “Well what happened?!” I yelled. “I don’t know! I was going to the bathroom, and heard a loud noise, so I ran out here!” he replied. We were speechless. Andrew sprinted into the living room to call 911.

I could hear the sirens from 2 miles away. I waited patiently by the front door. Andrew and Dad waited by mom’s side. The cops were the first to arrive. They immediately start asking questions. The fire department was next, checking mom’s pulse and heart rate. “She’s breathing.” The fireman says in relief. The paramedics arrive with a stretcher. They put an oxygen mask on her to ensure she has enough oxygen in her system. They wheeled her out of the house on a stretcher and I could hear the medics radioing the hospital. As my dad climbed into the ambulance, the paramedics ensured us that she would be okay.

Andrew and I followed the ambulance. The twenty minute drive felt like four hours. The thought of my mom without hair, and suffering kept circling my mind. After about fifteen minutes of over thinking, we arrive the hospital. We rush inside. “Do you know where Debra Miller is located?” Andrew asked politely. “Debra Miller??? She passed away two hours ago!” the Nurse stated. “WHAT! OH MY GOSH! I thought she was fine?!?!” Andrew and I were having a mental breakdown. “I can’t believe she’s gone…” I started to cry. “Oh I’m sorry! That was Debra Morlean! Debra Miller is in room 3A, down the hall and to the right!” the nurse directed. “Thank you.” I said with relief.
We walked into the room. It was as quiet as a mouse. The doctor came in and broke the silence. “She’s in critical condition. One of her lungs collapsed. How long have you known about her cancer?” The doctor asked. “Three hours..” My Dad said. “Well she’s had it for about four years..” Dr. Johnson said awkwardly. “She said that she was diagnosed this afternoon!” We were all confused. “I diagnosed her at least four years ago.” Dr. Johnson insisted. It’s all starting to make sense now.. I always wondered why she was losing her hair. She always told me it was because she was aging. “She’s going to have to do an emergency surgery ASAP.” Dr. Johnson said nervously. “Bye Mom, I love you.” I started to cry. They wheeled her away into the operating room.

Two hours into the surgery, Dr.Johnson came out into the waiting room. He was quiet and seemed nervous. “I’m sorry Bill, but as soon as we opened her up, her kidneys failed. It was too late, there was nothing I could do.” We all started to cry. Why didn’t she tell us sooner? “Guys, I just want to let you know that I love you both very much.’’ My Dad tried calming us. Andrew got up and left. He didn’t look up, nor look back. I ran to the car, to try and beat him there. By the time I got there, he was crying so hard he could barely breath. “Andrew look. I know how hard this is going to be for you. Not having Mom there for graduation, or watch you create a family, but you need to look on the positive side. Would you really want to watch her suffer?” I whimpered. “Well, no.” he cried. “Exactly! So think of this as a positive thing.”
Even though I seemed more positive than negative, I wasn’t. On the inside, I couldn’t keep myself together. I had to keep reminding myself that she’s in a better place now. I was convinced that Grandma Betty was waiting for her with fresh baked cookies. I just have to think of it like she’s moving far away. I know that she’ll be happy and pain free in this new place. In fact, I’m glad she gets to call it home.