Second chances
You know those points in your life when you realize that you have screwed up. Everything. When you realize that not only have you chosen the wrong path, but everything in that path that could bring the slightest bit of joy, you have destroyed. That was my problem. Not only did I take the path of sin and error, but anything that felt right, I pushed away. I went from the good boy who had good grades and amazing friends, and some how along the way I completely screwed up. I had my heart broken by the love of my life, or so I thought, and I resorted to everything I shouldn't have. I was stupid. Instead of moving on, which would have been the smart thing, I chose to pity myself. I would spend hours at the bar every night, trying to find someone to get me through the night. Mistake one. Which my drinking lead to more drinking, and I had more girlfriends in that year then I have had my entire life. My life consisted of alcohol, drugs, and girlfriends that gave me nothing but a few nights of pleasurable guilt. I have thought of suicide so many times, but I have never done it. But now I sit in my tiny rusty apartment, with a drunken girl throwing up in the bathroom and a knife in my hand. I thought about it all. How it would be so easy to just end it all. End my failure. End everything right here right now. Both my parents were ashamed of me. All of the people in town knew me as a player. No decent girl ever trusted me because, well I wasn't trustworthy. I started to bring the knife to my neck. I would end it all right here right now. Then i felt a hand on my shoulder. A forceful hand gripped me as hard as it could. It scared me so bad I dropped the knife and stood up. I pivoted on my heels so quickly I almost lost balance. But no one was there. Everything fell silent for a second. Then everything around me started to change. My apartment went from dirty and small and rusty to huge and clean and well kept. The knife disappeared from the ground and the girl in the bathroom was no longer here. My ratty old jeans and t-shirt changed to some nice clean Kakis and a sweater. I walked around my apartment and I was here alone with no one around. Everything was nice and clean and I thought for a second that this is the life I have always wanted to live. I noticed a plaque on the wall with a doctorate that read "Sam Higgens." And next to it a wooden table with many pictures of me and some girl, a wife. And we had kids, two beautiful kids. A boy about five years old and a beautiful baby girl that was maybe 6 months old. We were all so happy as a big beautiful family. This was exactly what I have always wanted. I was a successful man with a beautiful wife and two gorgeous kids. But then the pictures disappeared and the table and the plaque went along with it. My clothes went back to my ratty jeans and t-shirt. The walls closed in and the perfect paint chipped away. And I sat there on the old dusty couch, knife in hand and the smell of throw up in the apartment. I stood up walked over to the kitchen and put the knife away. I went into the bathroom, cleaned up the girl and drove her home. When I got back to the apartment I immediately cleaned up and went to get some paint. I needed to give myself a second chance. And I am proud to say that that night changed my life. It has been five years since then and I have changed everything. What's weird is everything in the pictures is exactly how it is now. I have a big house in a beautiful neighborhood. I have a gorgeous wife named Lisa. We had a child named Evan two years after we got married. Five years later we had a baby girl named Katlyn. So I have decided that the night all that happened was gods way of showing me that he could forgive me if I could forgive myself. Which is exactly what I did. He showed me what I was in store for if I could just give myself a second chance. I am so glad that I did because I am absolutely in love with the life I have now. I may have went through all the hard times and failure, but I believe the darkness showed me what the light could bring. I chose to give myself a second chance.