The drizzle of the water running down his neck from the rain that continued to pour down on him was the only thing that brought him from his daze. He felt as if he was walking on auto-pilot for the past twelve hours. His emerald green eyes were dilated and they seemed to stay that way as he tried to comprehend all of life, all of what life does to a person. The devastation and tragic affairs that center around whom and what you are do more than just leave you breathless. They leave you thoughtless as well.
He couldn’t think straight, he couldn’t even breathe right. His heart was nothing more than heavy, even though he was sure every piece of it was no longer connected. It was overbearing, the feeling inside of him, and the overwhelming pain that enveloped him wherever he seemed to walk. The worst part is how unnoticed it was. How no matter where he went, or what he did, nobody saw how much he truly hurt to be alive.
He could drown out his thoughts with other activities, tell everyone of how he was fine. He could continue to deny that he was helpless to a broken heart, to emotions that nursed every inch of him from days begin to days end. He felt like a helpless coward, allowing feelings such as these to eat up his soul day by day. But how could he not? How could he allow himself to feel anything but this? Would it even be appropriate to do such a thing?
He shook his head now; his soft hair flopped easily into his eyes as he did so. Usually he gelled up the blonde mess in a fancy rich boy up-do. Meanings he’s been walking on auto-pilot for the past twelve hours, he obviously forgot to do so.  No he kind of regretted that decision as the rain drenched his hair making it fall in his eyes.
New York was a bustling city, and he used to love it. But now he dreaded the sight of it, dreaded the sight of life. He dreaded the idea of being the man he was. He knew not of what others were thinking as he had left the Bakery where his little brother’s memorial was held. He knew only of how he felt stifled behind the closed doors of that dang Bakery that his little brother used to own. His little brother, his closest friend, his honest business partner.
He had thought it wasn’t possible for him to cry, since he hadn’t shed a tear since the tragic wreck just three months before, but now, suddenly as he walked in his almost dazed state. He felt hot wet tears streaking down his cheeks. Not sobs, not nasty devastating globs, but simple tears. Tears that hit the ground and blended with the rain so it was almost impossible to see that he was even hurting.
For months he’s been strong for his mother, who needed a shoulder the most at the devastating loss of her youngest son. He had been strong for his father, who could barely look at him now because of how similar he looked to his little brother. He had been strong for his brother’s girlfriend Casey, who could barely breathe through the whole memorial. He had stayed strong until now, where he felt he wept on the streets of bustling New York City like a coward, helpless, swine. 
How could he let something so tragic happen to his younger brother, his friend? He had sworn to always protect him, had always felt it was his job as the older sibling, and yet, he failed. He allowed his brother to get in the car that night full of anger at the circumstances of a prospect of a child on the way, with the Bakery running into the ground. His brother was full of anger and irrational behavior that he had clearly scene… He knew he shouldn’t have let his brother leave in such a state, but he did nothing to stop him. He failed at the one truly important job, the only important job of his life… Protecting his brother. He had failed him, and now he was no longer here to even lecture him about it. The idea pained him to no end. It haunted his nights and days, his dreams and visions. Every day he awoke with guilt and pain inside of him that he couldn’t reprimand.
He had every intention of doing the worst of it as well. Of ending the pain in his chest, the guilt that ate at him, the life that could have been. He had every intention of no longer living in it. Maybe it was also a selfish thought, but this had to be the only cure. After all, he was only a painful reminder now to the ones that he loved a painful reminder that he is the reason his brother is passed and gone far too soon. He had every intention of paying his brother back the only possible way that he could.
By ending his life as well.
He could not live like this, with this aching pain day after day in his chest. The guilt that ate at him, the amazingly agonizing pain of miss his brother, of feeling guilty for his death because he had not stopped him from getting into that dang car when he looked so very angry, so irrational, so out of hand. In his gut he felt he should have stopped him… It is his fault his brother laid dead in the ground. It is his fault his future niece or nephew must go without a father. It is his fault his mother must suffer the loss of a son. It is his fault and he knows it. That is why he is going to end it now, to pay back for everything that he had caused. His life was worthless whereas his brother’s life had been priceless.
He would end it.
He had every intention as he skipped up the steps, drenched from the rain. He even fumbled with his dampened keys at his apartment door as he shoved it open. Every intention of ending it. He had the gun. He had no letter, he wouldn’t leave one. He would just put the gun to his head and end this pain, this guilt. He would rid himself from a world he was worthless in for once and for all. It would all be over soon.
The door shut behind him, and he slowly peeled his drenched jacket off his shoulders. He dropped the keys to the ground as he pushed play on his answering machine. He hadn’t checked it for months, not that he received many calls anyways. One was from his mother, her tragic voice in whispers on the phone, something about the memorial that didn’t matter. The next was from Casey, his brother’s pregnant girlfriend. She spoke of the memorial as well, as did the next call.
He stepped into his room, and shut the door but nearly jumped out of his skin when a hand touched his shoulder. “What!” He panicked, who was in his room… How? Swirling around he could have sworn he was dreaming. It wasn’t possible, no, it can’t be… “Daniel?” His own voice was raw with emotion as he stared at the figure in front of him. Was it real? How could it be? Daniel was dead in result of his stupidity… How was Daniel standing in his room… He had finally done it, gone mad.
“Brother,” The words seemed to echo in his head, but never truly be spoken. “You must listen to me Ryan,” Ryan stared at the shadowy figure that looked like his brother… This isn’t happening. “Casey is not okay.” His head was pounding now with words unspoken. This was a dream, he was dreaming. This isn’t real, can’t be real!
“Daniel…” He choked out, tears brimming his eyes and spilling down his already raw cheeks.
“You are not fine.” The words echoed in his head as the shadowy figure placed his hand on Ryan’s shoulder. It was cold to the touch; it seemed to go straight through his soul. His heart hammered with cold rapid fear and heartache.
“How…?” Ryan had managed out but the shadowy figured that looked to be his dead brother only shook his head.
“Your life is priceless, so is Casey’s. Save her.” After the words were done echoing in his head as Ryan stared at the shadowy Daniel, something inside of his heart twisted… Came alive. “Save her.” The shadow seemed to continue to urge. After Ryan clenched his jawline in new found determination, the shadow figure of Daniel gave him a painful smile, a nod, and vanished from view.
Suddenly the phone rang, and Ryan still a daze… A new kind of daze, ran for it. “Casey!?” He snapped quickly into the receiver as if it would be her. There was silence on the other end, but he knew it was her by the shaking breath.
“I can’t.” She choked out. And he knew she was crying now. “I can’t live like this anymore Ryan.” Something in Ryan’s heart shifted aggressively, a new found passion that hadn’t been there for months was in its place.
“Casey, listen to me. Daniel just came to me.” Ryan knew how crazy he sounded, but if what Daniel had come for meant that Casey was about to make the same stupid decision Ryan was going to make only two seconds before, he had to do something.
“Ryan,” She choked out in disbelief and undeniable amount of pain.
“Rather than allowing myself to drown this time, in the water that encases my every step I take. I have decided something.” He sniffed. “Daniel’s appearance may have been thought up in my head, possibly, but it wasn’t for nothing. If you are hurting as much as I am, I feel I must share with you that life I believe was not for me, since the beginning of Daniel’s death I have believed this with every intention of ending this misery tonight. But as I was to do so, whether Daniel really appeared, or it was just my imagination, I believe it happened for a reason. I mustn’t go, and we mustn’t blame ourselves for what has happened and what could have happened. The truth is, Daniel lives inside of us, and we don’t allow ourselves to live, we disgrace his memory. If we don’t allow ourselves to honor his memory, then Daniel truly dies. But if we stop drowning in the water surrounding us, and finally come up for air, perhaps Daniel can live on longer than any of us… I don’t know about you, but if not for another reason than this, I want to live. I want to live for Daniel and for the life that can be, above the icy cold water we are underneath. So I ask you Casey, would you join me in coming up from the water?”
Silence encased them for a long prospect of time. It seemed ages until her shaken voice finally came from the other line of the phone. Skipping his heart into a new kind of passion he hadn’t remembered ever feeling.
“Yes.” The finality in it proved that water would no longer cloud their judgment though it clouded their eyes from time to time. Life was much more then something to throw away, life is priceless. Life is like the water cycle, and somehow in the span of seconds Ryan discovered just how precious it as to be a part of that cycle.