In the realm of Oxfordlandia, visitors witness young ones gowned in navy on navy attire with clicking rolling backpacks while the elders are dressed aesthetically, with trendy windbreakers and Adidas tennis shoes. Despite their significant differences in fashion, all citizens of Oxfordlandia share a common goal-getting into a prestigious college.
We often see Oxfordlandians striving to become “well-rounded” students, who fit the typical college criteria of academically, socially, and physically active scholars. Of course it does not stop here, the list is endless. High SAT/ACT scores are a must, followed by multiple AP’s and SAT II Subject Tests. Oxfordlandians desperately join all the clubs the school has to offer, in order to portray him or herself as an active leader in the community. Oxfordlandians go above and beyond for that A-, Patriot Recognition, end of the year award, and letters of recommendation.
Other peculiar scenes can also be witnessed, especially throughout the beloved, the most cherished finals week. As one blankly stares at the clock to gauge his or her time, she or he will often witness acquaintances aiding one another with difficult problems. Fingering and mouthing possibly incorrect answers across the room, nodding at each other in confirmation. When words goes out that test scores are released, students shake as they type in their email and password into Aeries, the grade book that determines Oxfordlandians’ happiness and sadness. As soon as they witness their success or failure, they automatically message their peers asking if they had checked their Aeries. If their peers respond with better scores, Oxfordlandians tend to feel an irresistible jealousy, but when their peers receive worse scores, Oxfordlandians gain relief.
Oxfordlandians cannot accept defeat.
The happiness does not end here, there’s more. Oxfordlandia offers a grand total of four career pathways, three of them being science oriented: biomedical, engineering, and computer science. The last career pathway is the business pathway, which is the outsider of the four. Oxfordlandias absolutely adore science especially AP Physics, Chemistry, and Biology. Oxfordlandians love it so much, they stay up until two o’clock in the morning rapidly typing their biology reports or solving physics equations.
The options at Oxfordlandia are endless. The non-science electives that are available simply consist of: choir, band, orchestra, and theater. No home economics, wood shop, or dance. Oxfordlandians love their electives with a passion.
Oxfordlandia’s government has extremely high expectations of Oxfordlandians. Blankets, colorful, and above the knee bottoms are banned from Oxfordlandia. Jackets can not be maroon as it is not red enough and bottoms need to be loose, no skinny style. The only colors permitted on campus are red, white, navy, grey, and khaki. Of course, articles of clothing cannot be black or the Oxfordlandia government officials will gift students a beautiful, salmon colored paper that requests his or her presence on Saturday morning.
It doesn’t end here, the Oxfordlandian government strongly recommends students to take rigorous AP courses and AP tests. The administration baits students by using the word, colleges. Anything beneficial for college, Oxfordlandians will do. After all, Oxfordlandia is a college prepatory school.
Once these students are accepted by these prestigious colleges, the government once again uses the students’ labor as a boast worthy topic.

I welcome you to Oxfordlandia, the happiest place on Earth.