I’ll never forget the day he walked out that door. The last time I saw his bright blue eyes was the most horrific moment of my life. He handed me a piece of paper and I closed my hand around it. He tried to give me a smile but his face only showed how overwhelmed he was. I could see the words scrolled out across his sleep-deprived and worried face. “I’m sorry. I never wanted this to happen,” the words seemed useless right now. His hand brushed against mine as he pulled it back to his side. The shock ran through me like never before. It had never been this strong before. What I wondered though was if he felt it too. If he felt the shock that ran through me every time we touched, the one that reminded me of Cinderella and Prince Charming, would he have said something by now? The door behind us opened and I cringed back as I saw her walk in. She walked straight to him and he reached for her hand in return. She smiled at me before looking quickly to his beautiful face. He looked to the floor as they began to walk towards the door and I knew that that was the last time I would ever see him.

I held the paper he had given me tightly as tears swelled up in my eyes. I didn’t want to read it; I was afraid of what it would say. It was probably the same old thing that everyone writes when saying goodbye to someone, “Don’t ever change”. The words ran through my mind again and again. The sad truth is that would be something he would say. He wasn’t deep and poetic, and most of all he hated saying goodbye. He was so simple but yet so hard to understand. He always said the same things. He never ventured to do something new. He always drew inside the lines to put it plain and simple. Somehow, though, he managed to keep all of his feelings to himself. He was complicated and simple all at the same time.

I looked down to the piece of paper while tears ran down my probably pale face. I didn’t want to see just those three words written down. I didn’t want that pain to flow through my veins, through my heart. To know for sure that he didn’t care about me would surely break my heart and to be over dramatic, ruin my life, yet I still opened the paper. The note that had his true feelings written down on it, for only my eyes to see was in my hands. My heart beat quickly as I opened the paper carefully, making sure not to rip it. As I read his words I couldn’t breathe. His handwriting was sprawled across the paper.

It read to my surprise, “To my dearest love, these past five years have been the most wonderful and joyous years of my life. I never fully knew I had feelings for you until I was supposed to say goodbye. I think I knew deep down that I always loved you. I always pushed it aside though. I was afraid of rejection. I afraid you wouldn’t love me. So now I’m going back to London to visit my family. I’m taking her with me, the girl I’ve been seeing. I wish I was taking you instead. I just don’t have the strength to break her heart. I love her, but not like how I love you. I know you think of us as just friends, you have said it so many times before, but I still can’t get you out of my head. I will miss you so very much. I will fall asleep every night, wondering what could have been if I had only told you how I felt before I left. And now I must go pack for I will be leaving soon. I love you, you must know this, with all my heart. Please, don’t ever change my love.”

As I read his signature at the end of that letter I realized just how bad I had messed up. I had never told him my feelings and now he was gone forever. I cried as I tried to forget about him. It’s finally over, I thought, we’re done before we even got to start. We could have been something! I wanted to yell or scream but I held it in. We could have been together and now both our hearts were broken because of the simple words that were and never will be spoken. I stood in anger and sadness. While I stood there like a lost dog not knowing where to go an idea ran through my head. He could still be here. He couldn’t have left just yet. I let myself believe that absurd lie for only a few seconds. But those few seconds gave me the thrust to run out that door and down the stairs. I ran to the bottom of the building in a hurry not letting my mind tell me he was gone. I couldn’t help but believe he was waiting for me. I tripped over the last step of the apartment building stairs but I steadied myself quickly. I ran through the door and the fresh wave of summer air hit me full force. My face was burning from the newfound California heat but none of this mattered because there, getting into the cab, was him. “Wait!” I screamed with as much voice as I could muster. He didn't hear me though, and he climbed into the cab just as I ran down the cement steps. The yellow cab pulled away, in what seemed to be slow-motion. I stood on the side-walk watching it pull into traffic and then around the corner. I let out a low sob before crumbly to the ground.