February 13, 2010
11:00 a.m.
Evalynne’s House



Dear Diary,

The lease on Lori’s house is up, so we moved back to my actual house yesterday. But that’s pretty much the highlight of my life right now. Although, online college has been going pretty well too.

However, tomorrow is Valentine’s Day. My parents are going out for a romantic dinner, followed by a night on the town. I on the other hand, will be sitting home all alone, wishing Ash were here to share it with me.

At least I’d have my mother-in-law sitting home alone with me. But honestly, that didn’t make me feel any better. Lori was sweet and I loved having her live with me, and taking care of her. But sometimes it got to be a little too much for me to handle.

It was just so difficult to spend time with her when she couldn’t even remember what day it was. But it was my responsibility to make sure she was ok and keep her company. After all, I was the reason that she had Alzheimer’s disease in the first place.


I flipped my diary shut and placed it on my bedside table with a sigh. It was so nice to be back home. If only Ash were here with me…

Every morning, I woke up thinking of Ash. The entire day, he lingered in my thoughts. And at night, I fell asleep with memories of him filling my mind.

Kristy was attending community college about fifteen minutes away, so she was still around. And I was so glad to have her too. She was really the only friend I had. Well her and Cole.

The only problem with me being friends with Cole was that he lived in Michigan, where he also attended college. He was busy a lot and barely ever got the chance to call or text me. We were still friends…just very distant friends.

“Evalynne!” Lori shouted from the couch the downstairs.

“Coming!” I called back to her. I rose from my bed and traipsed down the stairs and into the living room. “What do you need?” I asked her.

“The TV isn’t working.” she told me.

I sighed and took the remote out of her hand, holding it in front of her for her to see. “You press the red button to turn it on, remember?” I pressed my thumb down on the red power button, demonstrating for her.

“Oh yeah, sorry, I forgot again.” She grinned apologetically and took the remote back, turning to face the television.

I stood there looking at her for a moment. I just felt so awful. She had to be taught over and over again just to turn on the TV. She could barely do anything for herself because she couldn’t remember how. I knew how badly she wanted to be able to be independent, and do things on her own, but she was incapable of doing those things. And that hurt her.

“Why are you staring at me?” she asked, interrupting my thoughts.

“Oh, sorry, I was just spacing out.” I replied with a small smile. I turned around and made my way into the kitchen.

I opened the refrigerator and stared blankly into it. I scanned all of its contents: a gallon of milk, a jar of grape jelly, a carton of eggs, a twelve-pack of Diet Coke. Finally, my eyes landed on an orange. I grabbed it and shut the refrigerator.

Taking a seat at the oak wood kitchen table, I peeled off the bright outside layer of the orange. The citrus fruit was sweet in my mouth, with just a hint of tartness to it. I swallowed hard and continued eating. But as I ate my orange, I began thinking of Ash again.

Before I knew it the orange was gone, and my hands were empty. I stood up and tossed the orange peelings into the garbage can.

“Hey, I’m going to go upstairs.” I told Lori. “You going to be ok down here by yourself?” I asked her.

She nodded in response, keeping her eyes glued to the TV. She was watching an old episode of What Not To Wear, where Clinton was criticizing a woman’s much-too-tight leopard-print blouse.

I’d seen the episode about four months ago, so I knew that the woman turned out looking ten times better, and so did her wardrobe. She was lucky, because she had Stacy and Clinton to help guide her to happiness. For her, it was out with the old and in with the new. So why couldn’t my life be like that?

Why couldn’t I have someone to help guide me to a new, happy life where my heart wasn’t ripped apart at the seams?

I pressed my lips together, as I glanced back at the TV. Then I turned on my heel and walked back upstairs, trying my hardest to think of something other than Ash. Unfortunately, I was unsuccessful.

No matter what I did to rid myself of thoughts of Ash, I always seemed to turn out unsuccessful. He was just such a huge part of my life. But he was gone now and I had to get over it. It had been six months since his death, and I was still in a state of grievance.

I wasn’t sure if the pain would ever end, but at the moment, things weren’t looking so good. My feelings for Ash were so strong and so deep. I knew that I could never feel that way about anyone else. No one could ever replace Ash.