"closed"

I was in love once, not very long ago. I was stupid and naive and wish I would've known better. perhaps if someone had warned me It wouldn't hurt so bad. Maybe If someone had told me I could've prevented all of this, But it's too late now, It's all over and all that I was left with was the pain. for those who have never felt the destruction and pain that love leaves behind with you when it goes away. I envy you deeply, For love is not for the faint hearted. Love, what a beautiful word but as beautiful as the word is its meaning holds a secret within in the word itself. if you were as skilled as I when it came to reading in between the lines; you would of seen the warning in the smallest print, you would've paused and possibly not continued for it reads clearly " love: noun, verb;[luhv] : feeling of deep affection or passion for a person; enamored of.- warning( no happy endings guaranteed, symptoms include: heartbreak, endless tears, severe depression, shortness of breath, depressing memories, suicidal tendencies and heart ache. This is why I don't bother with love anymore, why play with something that can burn you so badly? is it the adrenaline rush you get from it? is it the enticing idea of finding that someone you can't get enough of and finally feeling whole forever? I am yet to figure this out for myself, for one burn gave me enough pain to last me a lifetime, I'm smarter now but I still find myself envying those lucky few who walked through loves fire and managed to make it out alive untouched. Love was something that I couldn't coexist with. it's too unstable, too life consuming and it's side effects too much for one as myself to handle. the best way I can describe the pain caused from my last heart break from the one who rejected me after I spilt my heart and guts out for is h***, it feels like h***. I know I've never been but I can imagine it, for you've never gone through h*** until you've been heartbroken to the point you become lost and your thoughts become scattered. then come the nightmares where you're in danger and he or she shows up to save you and for a minute you forget that your dreaming and that in truth that their the bad guy and that the only reason they saved you was to justify their absence in your life but I learned that dreams don't come true...at least not for me. love there was no fighting it for in the end I would always lose only to fall into a crowded room of depression with no guarantee of making it out of the fire again alive. love burns, Trust me i know. I was burnt once.