No, I never believed in “love at first sight” or love at all for that matter. Well, not until I met him. The first time I saw him was the first day of 6th grade, yes 6th grade. I was instantly in love with those big brown eyes and long brown hair that rested perfectly above his eyelashes. Now at the time I had no idea it was love, but now I realize that there’s nothing else it could be.
Anyway, being in 6th grade I was afraid to approach him, so I admired him from afar, hoping he would one day notice me.
Around February, after studying his every move for about 6 months, I finally got the guts to ask someone for his number. I remember the excitement when I received the first message from him. We began talking and by the end of the week we were best friends.
I remember it was a Wednesday when I finally threw out the question. A simple one, “Who do you like?” It sounds so childish now but then it took all my guts just to press the send button. I expected he would say some girl in our class that I would envy for the rest of my life, but he didn’t. He replied with a simple, “I’ll tell you, when you tell me.” And thus the argument began. We spent the next two days arguing who would tell first. And finally, on Friday, he snapped. When he told me, I couldn’t have been happier; it was me!
Being in 6th grade and no experience with guys I responded, “Well… ummm I kinda like you too.” And on Friday, February 6th, at 4:51pm, I could finally call the guy of my dreams mine.
I guess you could say we had a normal relationship. He told me he loved me for the first time on Valentine’s Days. He was always on my mind. But then the fights started. There were always over really pathetic things, like him talking to other girls. At first it wasn’t so bad but then my jealously got the best of me and the fights became worse.
Finally he had enough. Three days after school got out for the summer, he told me that he was breaking up with me. “Just for the summer,” he claimed. This literally killed me, it was horrible.
I started talking to his best friend, Connor, and he arranged a plan so I could get him back. The next day we met up so I could talk to him. I told him I love him and did everything in my power to get him back. It was useless. He had made his decision. I felt like my heart broke into a thousand pieces.
He had a new girl friend a few days later. That crushed my heart into more pieces. Pieces that would never be put back together no matter how much glue and love was used.
I started to date like crazy then. If a guy dumped me, I’d have another one in a week. It’s the way I learned to deal with the pain. There were a few guys along the way that I truly cared about. Or so I made myself think. I covered up my feelings for him by making myself, and everyone else, think I loved other guys. I did some things I am not proud of, just to get him off my mind.
A year went by and by then I had some-what wiped him out of my mind. Summer came and went and I kept myself busy. School started and it seemed like everything was going wrong. My best friend ditched me, rumors were flying and I was an out-cast. He was in two of my classes. Second and third. Third period we had science and of course I got sat right next to him. We hadn’t really talked much except for little fights here and there.
He was so different. More popular, he had girls all over him. He would go along with their little games, not paying much interest to any of them in particular. It hurt to see him with them, god how it hurt.
At this time I was literally depressed but most of the time I chose to hide it.
We started talking a little more. Not really conversations but just comments about class here and there. As the year went on we had conversations, joking around. He would make fun of me, then come back and say he was sorry. Call me a name then say he loved me. He had no idea how much I wish he meant it.
You see, now I have to talk in present tense because it is happening now.
I’m not sure how to explain our relationship to you. It’s complicated. It’s like we are almost friends, but not quite.
I love hearing his voice. So perfect and soothing. I love seeing him everyday. I have come to depend on him for happiness. Even if we don’t talk its enough to just see his face every day.
I want to switch schools. I feel as if everyone hates me. But he said he doesn’t want me to go. So I won’t.
Im still in love with those big brown eyes and long brown hair that is now naturally curly. He’s grown a lot since 6th grade. Im not even up to his shoulder. But that’s the way I like it.
I know I will always love him. Nothing will ever change that. I’ll love him forever and I will wait for him until the end of time if I have to.
I love you Justin.