“Why don’t you tell me what was going through your mind that night?” The fat man on the couch just looks at me, probably as he looks at the rest of the people here in this he** hole, like I’m crazy. He always asks me this same question. I wonder when he’s going to notice that I have no intention of answering him. Ever.
"Riley, we've been at this for what, three weeks now, your going have to start talking sometime." I just laugh. "When are you going to get it I’m never going to talk about it?" "Then you realize your going to be here even longer?" I hate my parents for sending me here. They’re the ones that should be here if they think I'M the one that’s crazy. HA. I’m not crazy, I don’t need medication and I sure as he** don’t need to be in this nuthouse.
"Our time is up for today. I'll see you I’m group later this afternoon."
"Yay!" I say sarcastically. If there’s one thing worse then one on one it’s group. I hate this place. It sucks they all just suck. "Oh before I forget Adam won’t be with us anymore. Therefore, we have a new patient joining us today. You’ll be meeting him today in group." "Aw what happened did one of your little nut cases finally crack? Well isn’t that just too bad." Then I walk out not wanting to listen to him any longer.
I really do despise this place. I’ve been here three weeks. I know most people think I’m crazy, that’s what people tend to think when you try and kill yourself but I’m not. I’m not like the other people here that need medications because they can snap at anytime. And I’m not like the others that tried to kill themselves off because there’s something wrong with their wiring. I know why I did it there was nothing in me that snapped nothing traumatizing happened to me when I was a kid, nothing like that.
I go back to my room. My plain white walled room. We’re not allowed to have pictures because it may cause us to have a depressed relapse. The rules and people around here are depressing at best. I make my way to the common area. This is where all of us have “free time”. Watching television, which really is not television if you ask me, drawing, reading, and sitting. Yes I know oh how fun!
One o’clock roles around soon enough and it’s time for group. This is where we all get together talk about “feelings” and “treatment”. Ugh. Dr.Fatman, who’s actually Dr.Fitmen but not a fit man at all thus the name I gave him, likes to have us pair up and practice “cooping” skills and other stupid activities.
I’m the first one there, just like every other day. There are five of us, Katrina, Keggan, Carson, Adam, and myself. However, know that Adam cracked there will be a knew guy. The first person to come in is Katrina; she is a short little girl with medium length brown curls and big innocent doe eyes. She’s only 12 but this girls been through a lot. She has been here the longest out of us all. She’s been here for almost a year, that’s how bad she is screwed up. Apparently, when she was eleven her mothers boyfriend went all loopy and slit the women’s throat, little Katrina saw the entire thing. So she was sent here because she won’t talk or act like a normal little girl. Nevertheless, we all know she has vocal cords, every night she wakes up screaming bloody murder. I try and look after her, she reminds me of my little sister.
The next person/people that come in are Carson and Keggan. First, there’s Carson, she’s 16 a year younger then me. She has short, thick, blond hair, she is very bubble gummy. Personally, I think that’s because she’s crazy no one can be that happy all the time. She’s here because she went all nutty when her boyfriend broke up with her. She went and begged him to take her back when he said no she went home and tried to swallow a bunch of pills.
Nevertheless, she moves on quickly, which brings me to Keggan. Keggan is my age 17, he’s tall muscular and sleeved in tattoos. He and Carson are “dating” even though that’s impossible to accomplish here. Keggan hasn’t had to tell his story for people to know, he has a long scar across his neck which tells it for him.
Then there’s me, no one knows my story. No one will ever know if I can help it. The can obviously see the damage, the bandages on my arms are still fresh. But they’ll never no why as long as I can help it. Dr.Fatman comes in and behind him follows a boy; he’s either the same age as myself or a year older. He’s about 6’4, he has shaggy blond hair that makes it so I can’t see his eyes.
He follows over to the rest of us and Dr.Fitmen introduces him “Boy an girls this is Terrance.” I roll my eyes as he calls us boys and girls as if he was addressing kindergarteners. Sitting down he tells Terrance to pull up a chair, today Fatman has decided to sit next to me. Oh, joy! “Alright, because it’s Terrance’s first day we’re only doing introductions today. No activities we’ll pick back up tomorrow.” He announced.
“Say you name, something about yourself and what you hope to get out of being here. Alright I’ll start by introducing Katrina.” After he introduced her it was Carson’s turn, she smiled and said, “I’m Carson. Um let’s see something about myself well I tried to kill myself with an over dose and I like bubble gum (see told you bubbly gummy) and then what I hope to get from being here is to get better.” Fatman always means tell your story when her says ‘something about yourself’. Then it’s Keggan he doesn’t say much just his name then points to his scar that tells it all. Finally, it’s my turn, “My names Riley, I have a Unicorn names Leo he’s pink with sparkles and what I hope to get out of this is to find the wonderful land of lollipops and gumdrops.” I say making them all look at me like I really am crazy. Dr.Fatman gives me a look. “You’re not that slick Doc.” I tell him with a grin.
Turning away, he looked at Terrance and told him to do what we had just done. “Well, you already know my name. Something about me would be that I have a thing for fire which is kinda why I’m here and what I want to get from this would be to know why I’m here.” “Very good!” Fatman tells him. Then he tells us group is over for the day and that we only have an hour until quit time. Again, I say kindergartners.
So we all go off in different directions Katrina wants to color so I let her drag me over to the table. She’s coloring a picture of a smiley face and I’m randomly writing down poetry on the back of one of the sheets. When a shadow comes across my paper, I look up. “Can I help you?” I ask Terrance who’s just standing there. “Nope just watching.” “That’s not creepy at all.” I say turning back to the paper. I see Katrina’s hand grab a piece of paper and crayon and hand it to the boy. I’m shocked she never interacts with anyone but me.
Terrance sits down next to Katrina; I can feel him staring at me. “What? Do you have a staring problem?” “Why doesn’t she talk?” It took me off guard a little but then I said, “She’s just been through a lot so she just doesn’t.” “Oh okay.” Then the conversations over. For about an hour I watch Katrina draw pictures and show Terrance moving her hands all over the place as she tries to explain the picture. When the hour is up were all sent to our rooms for quite time. The time of day right before dinner were we have alone time to yourselves. I actually don’t mind this. It’s nice to have time to myself , me time I call it. I usually just count the dots on the ceiling so far the farthest I’ve gotten was 14,286. There’s not much to do here.
However, today I just go into my room and lay down on the stiff bed. It takes a little while but eventually I fall asleep. I think of my family and wonder once again why they abandoned me here. Then I fall deeper into sleep dreaming about Katrina with Terrance today and her wild hand movements.