It was raining-no scratch that- pouring. It normally did around then ever since the accident. She fixed the patchy grass, watered it and everything. She even planted a delicate white rose; probably just around the one she had dropped six feet under on August 27. August 27 was the morning she rose, only to find her coffee tinted hair a mess, her mascara leaving streaks on her rosy cheeks, and her black tight dress hanging on the door knob, it was the last day she’d ever be so close to his sensitive body.
Three months later she stood in the same spot again. Her heels dug into the ground and her knees shook tremendously as she whispered prays towards his stone. Her hair was in lose curls, her body was so broken, the top of her Rutgers sweatshirt was soaked from her tears as she admired his stone and even smiled looking at the washed picture faded in the back. It was him and her holding hands. She could remember the day so vividly. It was her sister, Ariel’s, music concert. She was really into jazz and could play the trumpet so heartfelt but intense at the same time. It was a summer afternoon at the concert hall, two days after Ariel graduated from high school. But soon enough, the picture and the memory vanished quickly once she got to the dates presented on the bottom of the gray granite stone; October 23 1986- August 27 2005. She looked down at her plumped belly, laid a hand on the middle, and spoke.
“I hope he has your hair, I hope he has your eyes, I hope he’s like you, Troy,” Her voice was so sweet, a lullaby in every word, every syllable. “It could be impossible, though, I know. I wish I could have told you about him.” Her voice cracked, she hated discussing it. It made her feel at fault. She breathed in, a long gasp for air, “You didn’t have to leave us, Troy. You’re the one that I loved, but you went to quickly for me to tell you the truth. I wanted to so badly, I couldn’t find the words, though,” She knew this moment would come. The warm tears flooded her eyes and every time she blinked one would release down her golden cheek. “I’m sorry, but don’t worry, one day you’ll know the truth when I tell you in heaven.” She bent over, kissed her fingers, and placed them on his speckled stone.
She leisurely walked away, twisting the silver ring on her left hand. It would have been four more months until the college couple would be kissing in from of a priest. White roses, a white dress, white frosting; a dream come true but it wasn’t going too, well not at least with Troy and Rain.
Rain hopped into her white escalade and drove away; she hit the wheel and reminisced the unpleasant memories in her head. She went back to the day her one nightmare became true.
________________________________________
“I have to tell him, he needs to know, I cannot bare another second.” She was whispering under her breath wondering if she should turn back but it was too late she was already pacing out front of his bedroom door in a frantic. Suddenly Rain slammed the door open, starting her words,
“Troy, I have something to –,” Her head was ducked into her chest afraid to look up but she did and that’s when her throat closed and her vocal cords broke. The gray walls began to close in on her and she bit her lip so hard she could taste the salty blood landing on her tongue. The brown stool that always sat so awkwardly in the corner laid there in front of her wrong side up underneath his feet. He swayed so disturbingly side to side. The thick rope hung so tightly on one of white fans paddles and wrapped around his throat. His head laid on his shoulder like he was sleeping in the air but this time he wasn’t going to awaken from his sleep, he was going to sleep forever and there was no way anyone could wake him.
“BBBBBBBBBBBBBEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEPPPPPPPPP” She shook her head awake at the sound of a car behind her and there she was back in her escalade with the rain slapping against the windshield. Ever since that day, “the accident”, she had weird flashbacks of things she always wished she could forget but she knew the death of her boyfriend, of her fiancé, of her soul mate, was a big part of their relationship considering it was partly her fault for not telling him the truth until it was too late.
Once she arrived home, she ate a small meal, of course something healthy so her baby boy would be satisfied in her belly. She stared vacantly across her counter as she bit into her apple slices. She paid no attention to the bitter picture of her, Troy, her sister McKenzie, and Travis, in the clear distance of her view. Travis, Travis, she could have sworn she burned every picture of him. Why had she forgotten this one? She got up throwing her half eaten apple slice on her paper plate and vigorously grabbed the picture frame. She ripped the picture out, grabbed the closes pair of scissors, and cut Travis out. She turned on the stove and dropped the picture right into the flames, grinding her teeth.
Travis use to be so handsome, just like his little brother. He had black hair that fell directly over his eyebrows and green eyes that could cast you into a spell but Rain hated these eyes, she hated everything about Travis. He wasn’t that innocent God-like figure everyone put him out as. He was deadly. Literally.
****************************
A photograph flew off her desk. She picked it up annoyed considering this was the fifth time it happened since she printed it out two hours ago. The mall was practically dead, especially the store she worked at. No one wanted to go shopping at ten thirty at night when it was the middle of summer and no one wanted photography done this late either. Clearly, though, a lot of people did want pictures taken during the summer. Whether it was a graduation, a wedding, or just a typical celebration party, she was there with her Kodak camera taking unexpected shots of people who looked so glamorous.
Although she got paid well, she hated working late because it meant she had to call Troy and either cancel or delay her plans to see him.
“Hey Troy?” This was the third time she called and he finally answered.
“Rain?” He actually sounded like he wasn’t positive it was her but then she realized she was calling off of her work phone.
“Yeah, it’s me. I’m just calling to say I’ll be working late, I probably won’t make it over for another hour or so.” She wished she could just say she’d be right over but unfortunately she had a lot of work to take care of.
“Okay but if you don’t make it in time for the buses, give me a call and I’ll come get you.” She thought about this for a moment. Buses stop at eleven thirty and it was ten thirty, she thought she would be able to make it on time. Besides, she hated when she had to ask for a ride but her parents refused to buy her a car until she was a sophomore, little did they know, though, she was saving up either way.
“Okay, I will,” She lied “Bye, love you.”
“I love you too, Rain.”
*******************
The flames threw her off course, she couldn’t think of this now, she couldn’t think of this ever. This was one thing she knew for sure the evil part of her mind was making her recollect on purpose.
She turned the stove off and wiped the ashes into her hand, she wish forgetting Travis was that easy but it wasn’t, he was going to be a part of her life until the day she saw Troy.
********************************
Eleven forty-six exactly. She gathered her papers into her sapphire Coach bag and locked up her station. Walking out of the main door with her bag saddled over one shoulder, she searched for her Blackberry. When she grabbed hold of it she dialed in Troy’s number and hesitated to call three times until she came across the conclusion that he was probably asleep and she’d be better off walking the fifteen blocks to his house rather than have him come get her.
She purposely walked on Main Street, so the lights could guide her and a few cars will spot her. Humming the tune to Story of a Girl by Nine Days, she strolled by Divincas Italian Secret, a small family owned expensive restaurant. She looked up at the white rough layer wall in the back, remembering the times her and Troy snuck out from those doors and kissed. Somehow it was romantic even though this was where the chefs would garbage all the uneaten meals.

While pondering this thought, the black door quickly swung open.

“Rain, my dearest,” he said this as if she had just arrived at a party and he was thrilled to see her. He was the manager of the restaurant, he shouldn’t be this untidy. He could barely walk straight and five feet in front of her she could smell the liquor stained in his mouth. She was disgusted, “Where are you heading my beautiful bee?” His one hand wrapped around the top of the wine bottle and his other hand guided him along the wall. He was up to talk; she wasn’t, so she didn’t answer. She figured he probably would forget this by morning. When he reached her he threw the guided arm around her neck and pulled her close to his chest. She pressed his hand against it and pushed away but she was locked to tightly.

“I have to go,” her voice was quiet but stern. He looked down at her and placed his lips on her ear.

“Oh, shut up,” his saliva wetting her hair, “Spend some time with me.”

“No. Now please let me go.” She ducked under his arm and got loose. She walked away securing her bag, but he grabbed her arm and dragged her back to him.

“Don’t walk away from me,” he grinded his teeth together as he said this, “You’re disgusting.” Was he really saying that? She got scared. He hauled her behind the closes trash can, all while she was tugging away. He would have never done this if he was sober. He threw her on the ground ripping off her shirt, unbuckling his belt, and she screamed.
********************************

Tears streamed down her face. She was on her knees in her kitchen, her head was tucked into her body and her hands covered her eyes. Stop, she thought, stop thinking this. There is nothing I can do now, I’m pregnant with a different man’s baby and Troy will never know the truth. How could he take his life away so quickly without knowing! It wasn’t my fault! More and more tears. Her eyes were red blood shot and glossier than ever. It’s been three months. There is no need to hold this in any longer. Once she regained the strength she marched right over to the Divincas household.

KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK! She banged on the door, tears still drowning her cheeks. Rain wiped them away instantly as an elderly woman opened the door. She had hair the color of marsh mellows, her whole body was a pile of wrinkles, and she wore clear glasses right on the tip of her nose. She carried a walker with tennis balls on the bottom. She was petite and clueless. Her tiny body opened the door gently and she let out an umph when she stepped down the door way step. The light shined on her immediately, attaching to her pale skin like it missed being connecting to her. From the looks of it, the last time she was outside was probably the time she went on a walk with Rain at the city’s park three days after the funeral.

“Now look who we have here. I haven’t seen you in ages, darling. What brings you here?” Her voice was so quiet, slow and raspy. Rain was surprised she remembered her, sometimes she couldn’t even remember her own grandsons name, but that wasn’t so shocking considering she was ninety three years old.

“I’m sorry for coming so unexpectedly, I just-“ The old woman cut her off.

“Rain, you are always welcomed here, don’t worry about it, my precious. When Troy was alive,” She choked on her next words for a second then took a gasp of air, “you would be here all the time. It’s rather odd that you’re apologizing right now.” Rain knew this was true but she only nodded her head and went on.

“I just need to see,” she paused “I need to see Travis.”

“Why, he’s not here right now. He told me was going to the library at the old college, the next town over. I can tell him you came.”

“No, that won’t be necessary, but thank you.” Rain turned to leave. She knew she was being quite rude but she was on a mission.

“Bye Rain.” The old woman managed to release those two words before Rain got back into her car and drove off to the library.

Travis was sitting there looking at a book written by Stephen King. It didn’t amaze her that he was interested in something so horrible. She broke out into a slight jog until she was directly in front of him.

“Hi Rain.” He didn’t even look up from his book but when the words slid out of his mouth, a rush of fear tingled over her.

“Travis, I can’t deal with it any longer, it’s your fault he isn’t here anymore. Turn yourself in before I march down there myself.” She was sure to sound mean but underneath it all she was nervous. He got up slowly and walked towards the bookshelf in a gesture that meant for her to follow him.

She was ready for one of his slick comments, one that would leave her in shock and agony but it never came,
“Okay.” He said. Bam. That’s it. She felt it was too easy, it wasn’t like Travis to be so forward but she could tell he was already thinking about it.

The next thing she knew, she was in the police station and Travis was going on about the rape, and the baby, and Troy’s suicide. The cops of course arrested him and she knew there would be trials and final goodbyes, but she was prepared to live the drastic life again if it meant saying it was going to be over.

Once she left the station she went to go consult over the details with Troy. She arrived at his grave stone and began,

“Troy, I know you can see me, I know you know what’s going on,” Her voice was restrained in a happy kind of way. Troy appeared behind the stone and she knew her mind was playing tricks on her but she could see him so vividly. At that moment she knew Travis was out of her life forever. She continued, “I love you Troy, I always will but I just- I just can’t believe this had to happen… but it’s over now. I love you Troy and one day we’ll be together again but I thought Travis, I thought he was your “boy” I thought he was your best friend… Troy, I thought he was your brother.”