Stop



















It was April and probably one of the coldest Aprils. Also the month my sister, who I am, and everything else changed.


Than along he came. Becoming who you should not be is something you are supposed to avoid but this story is as complicated as it may seem. We all have the scars to prove it and the debris left behind but it's the healing and the picking up the can be a hassle. And he didn't make it any better or worse? Or what? It has been a couple of months since my sister Beth had left me in this stupid world and it's hard to speak. I've been driven of the edge so many different times.


You see, Beth was the rose to our family and the blood to my heart, but I guess things do happen for many different reasons its just I wish this wasn't something that happened. I remember it like it was yesterday. BAM, Short stop, the short flip turn spin and collision of something so precious it ends. April 14th the day Beth and I got into that car accident head on .. One.. Two... Three... Four.. Five...


Than here came the stop of the flip and the pulse. The pulse that would never be able to beat ever again. I mean I haven't been the same since the accident neither has my family I'm never around my friends that much I feel so scared. I'm scared of life and people. Now fast forward well actually Im not as afraid anymore here's a little sum up of the couple of events that have screwed up my life even more.


I will remember, I will always remember. So it was the second week in July, school was out and we moved. Yeah, I know sounds typical of course out of everything else that happened we move. Now we live in San Clement, big drift. I mean I love it here I really do, but it was when I didn't know anyone except now I do... And he makes me feel comfort. Oh and his name is Micheal he has put me through so much it's not even funny.



I feel like my sister secretly sent Micheal to watch me, help me, and realize things I needed to realize. I met Micheal at a party. Instantly I felt like everything had burst when I saw him. I felt like he read everything rushing through that mind of mine, my feelings, my thoughts, and just simply everything. All of the new friends I made told me I should not really interact with him but I really wanted to experience with him.


The thing is they were right... Micheal made me do things I really shouldn't have. I got caught up in doing all of those things it was like he became my new illicit drug.


I would think to myself often,

look at me look at what I've become.


I'd say, "Beth how could you sit their and watch me turn into what I am and not guide me to the right path? It's like you forgot who I was? Why aren't you watching me?"


I felt like a puppet and Michael was my puppeteer. A sixteen year old shouldn't be doing all the things I am. It all took place in the matter of three months. A lot can change from one decision and can turn your world around and around.


Michael and I loved each other so much. Our relationship was so unhealthy, and I knew it, but i kept going back for more. i couldn't stop.


The leaves started to change along with the weather than, it was December. Than I realized, I can't do this anymore. I am addicted to someone so much that no matter if he hurt me or changed me I would still cling to him like a lost puppy.


So I Stopped everything that very day I told him we were done. Than he said that he would changed who he my mind.


No one in this world is perfect, not you...not me. We all expect everything to turn out like the movies you meet someone fall in love get in a fight than fall back in love I could honestly say that has happened to me.


Cheating on someone is probably the coldest thing you could do to someone that you love. After the fights and after the day we meet and with everything you still put me through. I than find out one more horrific thing, he had cheated on me with my best friend.

"I would never do that to hurt you."

"Would you like me to explain everything I have gone through with you EVERYTHING because that will take all damn day and honestly I have all day."

"I guess I love you doesn't fix it this time does it?"

"No, it doesn't I love you is not how I feel anymore love is gone."

"I know you don't mean it I know you will never stop loving me you will come running back to me tomorrow or the next day trust me Allyson, I know who you are."

"Michael, you don't control me anymore and honestly I will always love you, no matter how much we fought i cant...bye."

"I will wait for you."


Sirens after siren and i sit here with a blank mind but at the same time so many things are going through my mind I just sit sink In my car seat of my Infiniti and think hahaha this is a joke when I get out my car he will be getting out of his alright one two three...


I knew I should have called him as I was coming over to fix it I knew I shouldn't have told him bye. But I didn't.


When he didn't get out of the car and my stomach just starts doing about a thousand of somersaults.

I really don't understand why this had to happen to me, again?

I think to myself, God out of all people you chose me not one but twice. I thought,

"Beth once again why?! why couldn't you stop this please Beth let him be okay please."


As I'm sobbing We get to the hospital its about 12:43 AM now and we are just waiting hoping he will wake up from his emergency surgeries.


I walk in room 203 with tears rolling down my face just standing their looking at his precious face.


"I don't understand" as I say "everything I don't understand anything anymore I can't loose you I can't..." Than it happens the monitor stops and everyone comes


running in making me leave and I think this is it. He is not going to make it out. when they shocked him he did come back.


Than I go back in the room just bawling crying like a running stream overflowing on the shore. I just sit their in complete silence holding his clammy hand into mine kissing it and than I feel a tight slight squeeze and I look up and his eyes are slowly but steadily opening. I just continuously say, "I love you I love you I'm sorry I'm sorry." And he says "Never leave me again."


He describes to me that in those few moments after his car accident when he stopped breathing he meet a women with long brown hair about nineteen and freckles on her face just like me. Michael had told me her name was Beth. She told him

"I don't know what you are thinking coming up here your time isn't done you better continue to watch my sister and treat her good because she loves you a lot and you love her I can tell ... I'll see you later Michael tell Allyson I said its not the same without you here but hang in there ill see you soon."


When he told me that I realized that my sister sent him just for me just to keep an eye on me... In that time I also realized that she was watching me the whole time all those times I blamed everything on her it was never her fault. I just made it seem like it was. As I sat their I felt a hand touch my shoulder I look behind me no one is their and instantly I thought Beth. I just sat their and said,

"Thank you."