Scene 1
The mall is bustling with joy and happiness as everyone Christmas shops. Shantel and Americus arrive to hang out with their friends.
Shantel: Americus, I’m so happy its Christmas time. It’s the best season of the year for discos.
Americus: I know baby. Hey look there is James and Juju!
James: Oh, Hi Shantel, Americus. You guys ready to get some holiday shopping done? I know I sure am.
Americus: Yeah we are dude! Let’s go hit up some stores for those holiday goodies.
Shantel: Hey Juju, I need to go to the bathroom, will you come with me?
Juju: Of course Shantel!
Juju and Shantel exit.
Americus: Dude I really need to find Shantel a Christmas gift, but I don’t know what she wants!
James: Just get her something from your heart; it’s what Jesus would want you to do.
Americus: Alright man whatever, I’ll just get her some rainbow leg warmers or something.
James: She’ll probably like that.
Juju and Shantel return from the bathroom.
Shantel: Wow it was so crowded in there! I saw like five elves.
Juju: There was only two, and three weirdly dressed people…
James: Hey guys, you know what would be fun?
Juju, Shantel, Americus: What?
James: If we all went up to Santa, one at a time, just to see what he has to say.
Americus: I’m totally in, that sounds fun.
Shantel: Yeah, groovy. Let’s do it.
Juju: Alright I’m in if you all are.
James: Alright let’s go.
They all approach Santa’s chair in a line of children.
Shantel: I’ll go first.
Santa: Oh hello young lady! Ho ho ho, come sit upon my lap so I can whisper in your ear!
Shantel: Alright Santy Claus.
Santa: Shantel, You are the one true queen of disco. And that guy Americus isn’t good to be your king. I suggest you ditch him and men forever! That girl Juju, she is the girl you need by your side! She’ll bring out your full potential of disco queen.
Shantel: Uh, alright weirdo….
Santa: Young Americus! Approach me. Yes you may also sit on my lap lad.
Americus: Yay! Santa!
Santa: Hey boy, your friend James is cute. I wish I could get a bite of that hunk of man.
Americus: Um… Okay… Uh… No…? Bye.
Santa: James! Come and sit on my lap you dashing young man!
James: Ummm… Alright…
Santa: Oh James, sweet sweet James. If only you knew the true evil your father possesses. You must turn yourself from him. Become what he wishes never existed. Then you will know true happiness.
James: How did you know of my false loyalty to my father?
Santa: I know all, young James. Now go! And Send Juju to me.
James: Yes of course Santa… Juju, Santa wants to talk to you.
Juju: Alright.
Santa: Hello Juju, I see the way you look at Shantel. You love her. And you know it, but you do not want to hurt James. You must decide what your heart truly wants. Your happiness hinges on it.
Juju: Thank you Santa, I really needed to hear that.
Americus: Well that was interesting to say the least. How about we go hit up some stores now. Then we all head home?
James: Yeah, that works for me. I need to get home soon anyways.

Scene 2
James and Juju walk into a Christmas party where they had planned to meet Americus and Shantel
James: Jeez it’s really snowing out there very hard. I wonder how the power lines are holding up?
Juju: James you need to worry less. It’s Christmas! Relax!
Shantel: Hey Americus, this party is getting rather boring. Let’s go make out on that couch.
Americus: Well alright, I can’t say no to that.
Juju: James… I feel weird about how we all talked to Santa yesterday. Did he say anything out of the ordinary to you?
James: Uh… No… why?
Juju: He just said some weird stuff to me. It made me feel uncomfortable.
James: Well next time I see that Santa I’ll have a word with him!
Juju: Alright thanks. Just look at Shantel and Americus. They have such a perfect relationship. They are just so in love you can tell. And Shantel is just so perfect… I mean look at her. Perfect body, perfect hips, perfect eyes, perfect lips, perfect hair, perfect eyes, perfect voice, perfect dance moves, perfect knees, perfect elbows, perfect earlobes, perfect eyebrows, perfect cuticles, perfect big toes…
James: Uh… Are you alright Juju?
Juju: Huh? Oh… yeah. I’m fine.
James: Juju can I tell you something?
Juju: Yes of course you can James.
James: Well yesterday, Santa did say something weird to me, but it was true… It’s like he was inside my brain…
Juju: What did he tell you?
James: He told me that my father is evil and that I need to turn my back on him completely.
Juju: How do you feel about that?
James: Well he was right. That’s the weirdest part.
Juju: I know… He was right about what he told me also. He told me that he knows I’m secretly in love with Shantel. And he’s right James! He’s totally right!
James: Juju it’s alright… I’m secretly in love with Americus. I have been since the sixth grade. You’re awesome and amazing, but I’m just dating you to make my father happy. He hates homosexuality so I couldn’t be open with him like I’ve always wanted.
Juju: I’m sorry James. We need to do something about this though.
Scene 3
Americus: Wow you get better at kissing all the time baby.
Shantel: Thanks, I’ve been practicing.
Americus: Oh okay. Wait what?
Shantel: I need to go to the bathroom.
Americus: Uh okay.
James: Hey Americus, can I talk to you.
Americus: Yeah of course do, you can tell me anything. We have been bros since the sixth grade.
James: Yeah I know. Yesterday at the mall Santa told me something rather weird. He told me that my father is evil and that I need to turn my back on him completely.
Americus: Well that’s pretty weird. I think your dad is a nice guy.
James: I know he means well, but I can’t be myself with him. I can’t tell him the truth.
Americus: What can’t you tell him?
James: Americus, I’m gay.. And my father hates gays. So I could never tell him or else I would lose my father.
Americus: Wait… You’re gay? How long have you been gay?
James: Americus. I’ve always been gay. It doesn’t just suddenly come on like a heart attack. It’s who I am.
Americus: Whoa, but dude. You’ve like. Seen me naked.
James: No, dude its okay. I always diverted my eyes.
Americus: I mean well I wouldn’t have minded if you looked.
James: Uh, okay? That’s good I guess?
Americus: Are you sure you didn’t look?
James: Pretty sure.
Americus: Like ever?
James: Mhmm.
Americus: You’re positive that you didn’t see my nether regions?
James: I mean I might have once or twice. Why?
Americus: Uh no real reason.
James: Alright, so we’re cool?
Americus: What did you think?
James: That we wouldn’t be cool, duh.
Americus: Now, I mean of my nether regions.
James: Oh uh… that’s an interesting question.
Americus: Come one man just answer it.
James: I would really rather not.
Americus: Fine. Loser.
James: I mean it was okay.
Americus: You mean it?
James: Yeah dude, I wouldn’t lie about this! It’s awkward enough already.
Americus: Dude, I need to tell you something. And I know this is the right time.
James: What is it Americus?
Americus: James, Yesterday, Santa told me that you are cute. And since then I haven’t been able to stop thinking about what he said. I agree with him. You are pretty cute. I’m not mad that you’re gay. Because I feel the same way.
James: Wait. What?
Americus: It’s true.
James: Well I never said I liked you. But alright.
Americus: I just kind of assumed.
James: Yeah, I figured that out.
Americus: So I guess this means I need to break up with Shantel… Since you know. I apparently like guys now.
James: I don’t think that’ll be too much of a problem. Look.
Americus: Holy crap. Is the Shantel and Juju kissing? That’s so hot… Wait I’m gay. No it’s not. Ewww gross. Girls.
James: Ha Ha very funny. Alright we should go talk to them.
Americus: Yeah we should.
James: Hey, Shantel, Juju. We all need to talk.
Shantel: Huh, what. Oh we weren’t doing anything. Why do you say that?
Americus: We didn’t say anything.
Juju: I’m in love with Shantel.
James: Yeah. We figured that out.
Americus: Yeah, and James and I are like totally a thing now. So I guess we totally just traded partners. Huh, funny.
Shantel: Americus, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you earlier, but Santa brought something into my brain yesterday. He made me realize how perfect Juju is. And I need her.
Americus: It’s okay Shantel. We are all happy now. James and I, Juju and you. We are all still going to be friends. But this is better for all of us.
James: It’s a Christmas miracle! Praise Jesus!
Scene 4:
The party died down and everyone has returned home.
James: *To himself* Come on James. You can do this. He’s your father, what’s the worst he can do to you? You love Americus and there’s nothing that can stop that. Now go and tell your father! Be a man!
James: Father, I need to tell you something.
Fred: Son, I’m busy right now planning tomorrow’s sermon. I plan on preaching about how God hates gays!
James: Uh… Yeah dad. Funny story. I really need to talk to you about this. Right now.
Fred: James! I cannot talk to you right now. Now go away!
James: Dad! Listen to me! You’ll rea-
Fred: James I said go Awa-
James: DAD! I’m gay! Okay! There I said it! I’m Gay!
Fred: No you’re not.
James: Yes dad, I really am.
Fred: You can’t! I raised you better than that!
James: But dad I do!
Fred: Nope! No. No way! You can’t! I forbid it! You don’t like men! End of discussion.
James: Yes dad. I do. And there is nothing you can do to change it!
Fred: Oh isn’t there!?
*Fred grabs James by the collar and drags him into a closet. Locking him inside.*
Fred: Alright! Now I know pornography is a sin as well, but I would rather you look at women than men! Now you will read those magazines until you are not a homosexual!
James: Dad that won’t work!
Fred: It will! I know it will!
*We cut to Shantel telling her parents the truth*
Shantel: Mom, I’m a lesbian. Me and Juju are together now!
Shantel’s Mom: Alright dear!
*We cut to Juju telling her parents the truth*
Juju: Hey mom, dad. I need to tell you something.
Both Parents: What is it?
Juju: I’m a lesbian.
Both Parents: Oh we already knew that. It was obvious. Who’s the lucky lady?
*We cut to Americus telling his parents the truth*
Americus: Mom! Dad! I’m home! And gay!
Americus’s Dad: I don’t care what you are! Just go to bed! And shut up!
Scene 5:
The friends have noticed James’s absence and have devised a plan to go find him at his home.
Americus: Hey, the door is just unlocked… Weird. James’s dad is a control freak and wouldn’t just leave it unlocked. Something must be wrong!
Shantel: Shut up and just go inside, James might be in trouble.
Juju: Oh I’m so worried about him, he’s like a brother to me!
Americus: *Whispering* Hey! James! You in here?
James: *From inside the closet* Americus!? Is that you? Help me! I’m locked in here with gross female porn magazines!
Americus: Eww that’s so gross, here!
*Americus and James embrace*
James: Thank you so much for freeing me, you sexy hunk of man love.
Shantel: Stop your man love and let’s get out of here.
*Suddenly all the lights come on at once and Fred Phelps is standing there holding a shovel*
Fred: NO! YOU WILL NEVER TAKE MY SON! MY STRAIGHT SON!
James: Dad! I’m not straight!
Fred: BUT I CAN MAKE YOU STRAIGHT!
James: No dad you can’t! Now put the shovel down and go to bed!
Fred: NEVER!
*He takes the shovel and begins to swing it all the four kids, but suddenly Margret, James’s mother, jumps onto Fred Phelps’s back*
Marget: Run kids! James! I love you! And I will always love you no matter what!
James: No! Mommy! I love you! I can’t leave without you!
Marget: James. You have to. Mommy will be okay. I love you. Now go!
James: No! Mommy!
*Americus grabs James and they all run from the house together.*
Shantel: Oh thank god we are all safe from that crazy psycho.
Juju: Shantel you’re not hurt right?
*They embrace*
Americus: James I’m sorry I had to drag you from your house. It was our only chance!
James: No, Americus its okay! Thank you!
*They hug it out like true bro lovers*
Shantel: Hey, you guys know what we should do?
Juju: What?
Americus: I’ve got an idea.
Shantel: We should all get a house together!
James: That would be so fun! We really should!
Americus: That wasn’t what I was thinking.
Juju: Oh we so should! I would love that! Let’s totally do it!
Shantel: Alright it’s settled! Let’s all get a house together!
James: Guys! This is awesome! And it’s beginning to be the beginning of a very good new life together!
End