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It had been a long night. My pulse was still rushing as I lay in bed, silently contemplating my choices. I could stay here with this man I despised, or leave with my young admirer. It just felt so wrong, he was very young after all, and who was I to corrupt his innocent spirit?
As I thought, I heard three light taps on my window. I looked over excitedly for I knew who it would be. There he stood, the young man who had charmed me so well. He had a big smile full of mischief planted on his face. I laughed at his expression. He looked at me pointedly with question in his eyes, wondering how much longer I was going to make him stand out in the cold. I pulled up the window quietly, thankful that it didn't creek and give me away. Without a word they boy effortlessly climbed through my widow and was standing right in front of me. He laughed at the surprise on my face and I laughed as well, knowing that it was reckless.
He was in the other room asleep and even though I knew we wouldn't wake him, I was still nervous. Curiously enough, the boy continued to say nothing. He just walked over to the bed where my cat sat and started petting him absentmindedly. I knew he was thinking. I wondered what could possibly be on his mind. Maybe he was finally seeing sense and was questioning my appeal to him. I hoped he wasn't.
Only a few minutes had passed when he got up from the bed and walked over to where I stood. He stroked my cheek lightly and his face lit up with a smile. I loved his smile; it was the sweetest most sincere one I have ever seen. He finally spoke.
'You smell lovely tonight' of course trust him to say something random. His childish nature never failed to make me smile.
'You don't smell too bad yourself' I replied, he just grinned.
'So I came over here wondering if you had made up your mind' oh no. I hadn't made up my mind, nor had I come anywhere close. I just said nothing and he continued to touch my face silently. After a while he said 'so I'll take that as a no then.' I just threw him an apologetic smile and turned my head away to hide the pain on my face. What was I doing? I was 27 years old, that was practically 30, and this boy, this sweet, sweet beautiful boy, was hardly 19 years of age, hardly a man at all. And yet here he was, in my bedroom, at two in the morning, stroking my pale face in the darkness.
The man in the living room was not at all like they boy standing so close to me. He was a business man; everything in his life was business. I got married off to him by my parents for business reasons, and I've hated him ever since. He is not necessarily a bad man. He doesn't beat me late at night or take his anger out on my cat. But there was nothing between us. We simply did not connect. We act to each other as mere acquaintances would, not at all like lovers should. Because he was just not my lover and he never would be.
Even though I did not marry the man out of love, and he would probably not think much of my betrayal to him, I still felt bad at the prospect of doing it. It just seemed wrong. But I felt I could not stand another minute here. Even the place we lived was not for me. It got so cold here, often into the negative degrees. I and my cat did not like it. The boy told me we could move anywhere we wanted, Hawaii if we so pleased. I laughed at that, like either of us had the money to get to Hawaii.
The boy was still staring at me. I could tell he was even though I was looking away. I could feel his hot gaze on my cheek, thinking again. I longed to know of what, but held my tongue in case I didn't want to know. He stopped suddenly and stepped away from me, and then he jumped back out the window and sped away. I just stood there staring out the open window in the dark.
What an odd child, I thought to myself. But at that moment the door behind me opened and I realized that the sleeping man was no longer asleep. I stayed where I was and turned around, scared to look into his eyes and give myself away.
'What are you doing?' His voice was dazed with sleep. I realized he probably would remember this in the morning.
'I was just opening the window; it was getting a little warm in here, that's all.' He continued to look confused and sleepy as he stood in my doorway until he finally mumbled 'oh' and then walked away silently, closing the door behind him. I felt extremely guilty lying to him. This wasn't his fault after all. He was no happier about this arrangement then I was, I'm sure, he just was better at hiding it than me. Or maybe he just didn't care, he was a business man after all, and that's all business men care about, business. Well I was not in the mood for business, I was in the mood for romance and the man had scared any chance of that away. I was in a bad mood suddenly as I lay in bed thinking. But slowly as sleep took over in place of conscience thought, I drifted off, wondering what the days to come would bring.