My hands were cold and clammy. My feet hurt, I paced myself as I walked toward the cafe. I was stressed. Not the stressed that is caused by financial problems or family issues, but stress caused by over thinking. I’ve gotten to the point where I want to vomit thinking about what tomorrow will bring or the days following. My hands tremble constantly from the fear of myself. I am my own enemy. Nothing has been the same since she left.
I think about what it could’ve been. What will happen to me, will I ever be the same? I ask myself that question a lot. I ponder about our lives. Is she okay? How is she doing? What is happening in her life. I often catch myself thinking about her. That was so long ago, she’s living her life, and I’m living mine. Life hasn’t been the same.
My enemy attacks me every day, he’s everywhere I go. He casts a shadow on me. He burns inside of me. I have nightmares about him. He waits for me trying to break me down. Sometimes it feels like I’m already laying in the cold hard earth with a piece of concrete over me. I’m 24 years old and I’m ready to lay down forever. I used to be different. She changed me. For the good I believe and so would others close to me. It’s crazy how one person can change your whole perspective on life. Not just living day to day going through the motions, but being able to find all the good in the world. I drifted away from that. But there are experiences in life that shape us and our future, even our past really.
As I walked down the street that gloomy night something changed. A thought came into my mind that told me everything would be alright. I felt a calm peace come over me. Not the peace that you might feel after a warm shower, but a peace, that calmed and gave me assurance and a light at the end of the tunnel saying to just keep pushing forward. I walked, and wondered, what had just happened. I pulled the door open to the diner. I walked up to the where I usually sit in the corner behind the bar area. As I looked around to see if anyone was sitting there I noticed a beautiful blonde woman sitting in my spot. As I walked around to see how it was, I had a jolt of excitement when I made eye contact with her. It was her, the girl that I dreamed about that I miss so dearly. I was in awe. I hurried to gather my thoughts my mouth is wide open and my eyes were moist. I looked at her and just smiled not being able to gather anything to say. I stared. That was one of the greatest moments of my life. She looked at me what's a kind and gentle smile, she started to cry. I knelt down next to her and began to comfort her. As her tears slowed, should be in to speak to me. Her sweet voice brought tears to my eyes, the memories of what we had begun flowing through my mind.
As I stared into the young child's eyes, I began to wonder where I would have been if she did not come back for me. Would my enemy still be attacking me? Where would I be?  I would not have this beautiful child that I have today and a beautiful family if it weren't for her. When I look into his big blue eyes I see the memories of us. Her and me and all that we've done, I begin to appreciate all the little things in life all the little memories that make us, that make one person. If it weren't for those gloomy dark days there would be no today, would be in the same state of mind as I was then. There could be no good days without the days that we all come to hate. The little things in life we should all cherish. The ones that make us draw closer to one another and that make us one, the ones that let people know how much we really appreciate them, these are the experiences that shape people. The little moments the last forever that you will never forget. Isn't this why we are here to be tested and have a greater understanding of what life really means and what living it to the fullest means. A simple I love you will last forever in the hearts that choose to keep it forever.