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As the high school came into sight, I almost couldn't breath. The school looked huge compared to the high school that I went to back in a Texas. I wasn't used to huge schools, well not yet anyways.
My mom said to me before I could get out of the car, 'Jessica, it will be okay. Take a deep breath. No one knows you here, you can start fresh. Call me when you want to be picked up. I love you.'
'Okay, I love you to mom. Bye.' Great another new beginning, I wasn't sure where the office was, and I knew I would be the one person who would be walking around with out a clue to were to go, but I had made my mom promise she would stay away from the school, if I have to go to this big school, then I'm going to make the best of it. I hadn't taken a lot of thought to go online and get a map so I could at least try and get away to the office with out having to be so noticeable.
I was still mad at my mom, well not that my mom really had much of a choice but to move us to California. It were here job had been moved, and though we all hated moving, we all knew that if we didn't we would be in trouble.
When I finally got to the office, proud of myself, I walked in and to, what I had hoped, an empty waiting room. The waiting room was a little over sized for me. White walls with the names of students written on papers and were huge very safe. I only look at one, and it was from 1973, so I knew this is school is older then what I had hoped.
I walked to the lady at the desk, and I processed to tell her,' Um, I'm not sure were I'm supposed to be. I'm new and I don't have anything.' The lady looked at me like she wanted to kill me. When she answered,' Hi, what is your name?'
She seemed to be mad, like she was having a very bad day.' Jessica.'
She looked at me, and said,' Here sweetie, this is a map of the school, and this is your schedule. Do you know how to read this?' and she handed me a rectangular piece of paper. I didn't want to seem dumb but the truth was, at my old school we didn't have this, 'No, I'm sorry. We didn't have these at my old school.'
She laughed, and I felt my face turn bright red. 'Okay sweetie, this is the first semester, but you will not need that. You will only need the second semester. These are you classes, 1st period through 8th period, including lunch. Do you want some one to help you find your first class?' It took me a second to realize, that if I didn't have some one with me to help me, I would never find the class room, 'yes that would help a lot.' I told her with a smile, she didn't return the smile. I could tell that she wasn't the nicest person to talk to.
A young boy can out from the back office, about 5'8, brown hair, slim but buff, and had big, beautiful blue eyes. He looked like a junior or senior, too old to ever think about me. He was beautiful, and compared to me, he was graceful. I was glad that I was new, he didn't know anything about my past, or even my name, but I was sure that would end. 'Hi, I'm guessing you're new?'
'Yea, I'm new.' I heard myself a little better, once I was done saying what I had said. I sounded like an idiot.
'So were did you come from?' the guy, still not knowing what his name was, asked me.
'Texas.' I laughed to myself, because I thought about all the things that my friends who had moved to Texas from California had though Texas would be. I was sure he would say those same assumptions.
'Oh, where in Texas?' It seemed like he really did want to know.
'Longview, it was a really same town. Especially compared to this city, I think this school is bigger the town I lived in. I'll miss it a lot.' I said, and truthfully I would miss the small town, were every one knew every one. My brother stayed with my dad, and I knew I would miss him. I was deep in thought about my little brother, who I wouldn't see for a long time. Would he be taller then me next time I saw him? Would his voice have changed? Would he have cut his hair short again? I wondered so much about him. I tried not to but it was hard. I would always miss him.
The guy interrupted my thought,'So why did you move here?'
Oh because my mom and dad got a divorce and I didn't want to live with my dad, but my little brother did, 'My mom's job got moved out here, and well you know how that works, go were ever work is. So yea, now here I am, in a big town.' I laughed. That was just my cover story, because it was only partly true.
'So you don't like it here?' He said with a smile on his face, again.
'Well, I really don't know yet. My old town seems a lot better to me right now, but then again I lived there my whole life.' This time he laughed. It seemed like it was taking a long time to get to the class. So I asked him,'Um, were are we going?' he looked at me and then asked for my paper. He laughed again and I ask him what was funny. He told me that we were on the wrong side of the school. I laughed thinking about it. I still wanted to know what his name was so I asked yet again, another question, 'Um, what is your name?'
He looked at me and then said, 'Sorry, I guess I forgot to tell you didn't I? My name is Maxwell, but all my friends call me max, and your name is?' I thought about his name and then thought about how it felt with my name. I didn't let myself think about that much longer because I knew he, I assumed, had a girlfriend and I wasn't much of a fighter.
'Um, my names Jessica, but my friends in Texas call me Jess.' I smiled and then he stared far ahead. He saw the class but I thought that he didn't want to leave me so we turned.
He asked me another question, 'What grade are you in?' I replayed the only way I knew how.
'I'm a sophomore.' And his eyes opened wide. I wonder what he was thinking.
'You don't look like a sophomore. You look older.' And I could only think about that as, Your to young for me, I can't be seen with you. Your way to young for me. That's what I took it as but I was wrong. I wonted to know what grade he was in.
So I did, 'So, um, Maxwe ''he interrupted me, 'Max, please.' And so I went on, 'Max, what grade are you in?' and he replayed with a lot more confidence then what he had said before, 'I'm a sophomore to.' I thought about it and there was no way. I could tell that he wasn't lying though.
'Can I see your schedule again? I want to see if I have any more classes with you.' I could tell he really wanted to know. So I handed him the paper, he looked down and up again. Then finally he said, 'Man. We have almost ever class together, that's great.' I could see the joy in his eyes, but why? I was the new girl. He should already have had a girlfriend by now.
'Now, can I ask you something?' and he looked at me like he was scared of what I was going to ask. 'Fine.'
'Do you have girlfriend and are you really a sophomore?' I said, putting my head down to look at the floor for a second, wondering if he would answer the question, well questions actually.
He looked at me, scared. I was wanting so bad to see what he was thinking. I couldn't think. He finally said, 'No, I don't have a girlfriend and I'm supposed to be a junior. I started school a year late. I can drive, and I have my own car.' He babbled on and then I look at my paper and saw that I was standing beside the door. I asked him if this was the right room and he answered me,'Yea.' He looked like he wasn't ready for me to leave. I told him I would, hopefully, see him later and he smiled. I walked into class, a little to late for me to be un noticeable. When walked in and every one turned, I walked up to the teacher and she told me to go to the empty desk in the back. A thousands eyes followed me to the desk. I sat down, trying to be as quite as possible.
The teacher asked for every one to pay attention and most people listened. I was glad she did that. If not I would have been the center of attention for that next hour. The class was almost over and she told ever one that she want ever one to page 56 in the math book, I glanced up to see if she would come my way to give me a book, and she did. She handed me the book, I could tell it wasn't new but a very old book. I was okay with that. I really didn't care to much for new things, I would feel bad. When the bell rang, it startled me and before I could get out the door, a girl named Taylor, hit me. She asked me were I was from and why I had come here, and I told her the normal stuff, well the normal stuff, I wanted to tell her anyways. I could tell we would be good friends after awhile. About 2 minutes after being in the hall way I found my next class, the guy I had meet, Max, sat in a two person desk and he motioned for me to go sit with him, so I did.
'So how was math?' he asked not really caring how my math class was.
'Fun, I guess' I said under my breath, knowing that he just wanted to talk, well not about that at least. Also because the teacher had called attention to the class.
The teachers name was, Mr. Mason. He was nice. He noticed me right away and asked if I was new, and I replayed, 'Yes, I'm new. I came from Texas.'
'Well, it is nice to have you with us.' He said, and faked a smile spread across his face. His eyes were very easy to read. He was, I think, thinking, man. Another paper to grade. Great!
I sat in class, motionless, hoping I wouldn't draw attention to myself. After about 30 minutes, or that how long it felt. Max past me a not, 'Are you okay? You look faint.' And I wrote him back, 'I'm fine, I think.' And he passed me, yet another note,'Do you have a boyfriend?' and I shuddered at the thought of him asking me that. I wrote him back, 'Of course not. Why would I?' and he wrote back, 'I'll tell you at lunch.' And I smiled.
He took the note and through it away. I was glade for lunch because that means that the day is almost over. Max walked me to my next class and then before I could get out of the door, he was already there. Waiting for me, we went to lunch together and I bout me a soda and he got some pizza. We sat down at a table were, I was guessing, all his friends sat too, but today he was too much into are conversation to ever notice them. I learned a lot about him, he was 17, he hadn't been much of a dater, he was very brave and also, that he played football, and not just played he was the star football player. So, I knew that, more then likely, every girl in this school had a crush on him and I could see why.
'So are you going to tell my why you thought I would have a boyfriend?' I asked before I would forget.
'Oh, well. Its because you are so, so beautiful.' He blushed and so did I.
'Yea right, I'm not beautiful.' I said, knowing that, I really thought that. Max looked at me. Smiled then laughed.
'You seriously don't think your beautiful?' he asked not wanting to.
'I know I'm not.' I said, I really thought that though.
'Are you kidding me? You are beautiful.' He said. Now fighting with me. I took a deep a breath. How can I sit here and let him lie to me?
'Your funny. Have you realized that ever one is looking at us?' I said looking around.
'Yes.' I guessed that he always got stared at. I wonder why? 'we are going to be late. Come on and I'll walk you to you class.' He smiled and then grabbed my hand and led me out the doors. We got to the class room, late of course. I walked in, Max took his seat and I had to go talk to the teacher. She told me to go sit by the girl I had meet earlier, Taylor. So I did, no questions ask, no introduction. It was okay for the most part. She didn't talk and when she did it was to answer a question for the teacher. It was nice to sit next to some one who smart.
The rest of the day went by in a blur. Three other guys who talked to me and 2 other girls. They were all very nice and they all had the same assumptions about Texas. I laughed every time they spoke the way they thought Texas was. I couldn't remember any of there names, so I knew that I wouldn't be calling them by their name soon.
When I walked out side, I went to call my mom, but then Max was right next to me, asking me if I wanted a ride, I said, 'sure, just let me call my mom and tell her, I have a ride. Okay?' he never said anything so I just called, she picked up fast. To fast.
'Mom, I have a ride home. Okay?' I told her instead of asking her. I didn't want her to tell me no.
'You have a ride home? With who?' I looked at Max before I spoke.
'This guy I meet, his names Max.' I wasn't sure if I should have told her it was a guy but to late now.
'A guy? How old? Is he a student?' She sounded really worried, like I was never going to go home. I laughed at her worries. They were pretty funny.
'Chill mom. Yea, it's a guy. He is 17 and yes mom, he is a student.' I wasn't sure how she would react the, 'he is 17'' part of the sentence. She answered fast, 'Oh, okay. That's fine. Be safe. I love you.' I looked at Max when she said okay, and gave him a thumb up. He smiled wide. I loved his smile.
'I love you too mom. See you when I get home, or when you get home.'
-- Car Ride then home '
Max lend me to his car. His car was beautiful. His car looked, almost as if, like it hadn't been touch ever. It was, or I think it was, a 2006 four door, Chevy Truck. I loved his car. He came to the passenger door and opened it for me before I could. He was a Gentleman too. He opened the door for me and then waited for me too get in to shut the door. He walked around the front of the car and turned it on.
'So Jessica, you want to do something before I take you home?' He smiled and then looked down.
'Um Max, yes. I would like that a lot.' I smiled now.
'Do you mind going to my place, no one is there right now, don't worry I wont do anything. I'll be good, I promise.' I felt like I could trust him.
'I trust you.' It was quite for a while.
'So, do you like the school yet?'
'Nope.' I said, wondering what he was getting at.
'You will. Jessica'' he stopped mid-sentence.
'Yea?' what what what? I really wanted to know what he was thinking.
'Nothing'' He wasn't going to tell me.
It was quite for a long time and then we rolled up into a richer neighborhood, all the houses were big, and I was lost my breath, many times. He couldn't live in an area like this, this is way to far of from the school. No way. No way! This is at least a 20 minute hour drive from the school. How weird! We rolled up to the biggest house on the street and he stopped. 'This is my home.' It took me a minute before I could take him seriously. 'WOW! Sorry, but your house. Its huge.' He smiled at my reaction, 'Yea, I know. My dad's dad owned this house. I don't really like it.' That was the surprise. Most people liked big houses. I really didn't care for them but if I got the chance to live in the house this big I would take it. I laughed to myself.
'Come on Jess.' He handed me his hand, I took it with out fear. I walked in his house. Beautiful. That was the only word to say about the house. He asked me if it would feel weird if we went to his room. And of course I said no, that was fine. When we got to his room, it was different from the rest of the house. Just like him, not dark but not light like the other rooms. It was nice, it felt home like, I like it a lot.
'Wow.' Max stared at me.
'You don't like it do you?' He said hoping that I would say no.
'I love it.' He was surprised and then looked at clock, realizing that his family would be home soon.
'Well, I think I need to get you home before your mom freaks. Okay?' He said, sounding a little bit mad. I didn't want to leave but I knew that he was right.
'Okay.' He took me home. It was silent the whole way home. I didn't like it, but I think he was being shy. And I could understand why, he didn't seem like the type that knew how to be with girls and act like it was nothing.
When he rolled up in front of my apartment buildings, he stopped short. He looked at me and said nothing. When I went to get out he said, 'Jessica, can I tell you something and you just believe me?' took me a second to breath again.
'Of course, what?' I told him.
'Never mind.' He didn't want to tell me.
'Come on?' I asked wanting to know.
'No, Jessica. Never mind.' This frustrated me. Very much.
'Okay then.' I told him. I got out of his car. He was gone before I could smile at him. When I got to the inside of the building, I looked around. I wasn't sure were to go. I called my mom. She told me the door number. And I walked to the door. I need a really key. I though about everything Max had said in the car, and in his house. I wasn't sure what to make of it.
I went straight to my room when I got in. I looked up on like on online dating websites. I felt kind of dumb thought because I had never gone through all that just to figure out what he was trying to say, but in the end there was nothing. I got on my email, there were 6 new messages. One from my best friend Crystal saying'
Wow, we miss you a lot! I wont you to come home right now! I miss you like crazy. You have to call! Well, me and the girls are working on a new song, but it isn't right to sing it with out you. We all started crying when we listen to are group song. It was horrible. But besides that, we all miss you a ton. Right back when you can! <3
I replayed to her message a lot faster then I normally would have.
I know, I miss you guys too and I'm coming down for Christmas to be with my little brother. And I heard the song and I started crying to. I miss you all a ton, too! I meet a guy today, Max. Really sweet.
That was the only letter I really wanted to replay to. I miss my friends so much. And living so far, never made it better because even if they called I wouldn't be able to talk to her as long as I would wont to, see that it would be long distance and all. I miss her voice and sweet, pale, and all ways there for me. I'd always miss her.
I tried to sleep that night, but it was a lot harder then I thought it would be. I couldn't stop think about Max. I wondered about a lot of things. My mom didn't get home till about 12 am, I really couldn't sleep till she got in, I was way to scared for her life. I love my mom more then any one in my life, well at least right now. I loved him too. Was there something I wasn't being told because I felt like there was, like there was something my mom was keeping from me and was there something Max was keeping from me?
I finally got some sleep. I was happy when I feel asleep because for once I could dream and be away from this world. But it wasn't a dream, it was a night mare.
In my dream, Max was there, and so was I! When, I looked at Max, he kissed me, and then he killed me. I don't know how that is even possible. I woke up screaming. My mom came running in, but I told her everything was okay. She went back to her room and I went back to sleep.
-- School --
The next day I got up and got ready for school, my mom was planning on taking me, till I walked out side and there Max was sitting in his car. Waiting for me to walk out. That would be a much better ride, then with my mom. She hadn't had time to questioned me about everything that happened yesterday. I was grateful for Max right now.
I walked to the car and before I could get the handle he was around and opened the door for. Still being gentlemen. Thank God my mom wasn't looking anymore. I got in the car and before I could shut the door he did that to. He walked around, and then got in.
'Ready for school?' he asked trying to make me talk.
'Nope.' I said, I really wasn't.
'Is your mom going to be able to pick you up today?' he said, and I could tell he was sad.
'She can. Why?' I wanted to know why.
'My brother and I are going to camping till Monday and we are leaving after lunch.' He said. His smile was gone now. I could tell he was sad to be leaving.
'Oh, okay. That's fine, maybe I can get a ride with Kyle'' I knew he could drive and he would be willing to give me a ride. That was a fact. Max looked at me like I was stabbing him with a knife.
'No.' he said with a straight face.
'Aw, come on. Kyle isn't a bad guy. I thought you liked him?' he had told me yesterday that he did, I wondered why he didn't want me to get a ride with him.
'Jessica, he isn't a safe person for you to be around. Well at least not when he is driving. I would be a lot happier if you would call your mom for a ride.' He said very serious
'Aw come on. Kyle isn't that bad is he?' I was joking with him. Trying to make him smile again. But of course, he wouldn't smile or laugh again till I told him I was joking.
'Jessica, Kyle is like any other guy here. They all flirt with you and you don't even realize how many guys want to be your friend, and how many guys want to be your boyfriend.' He shook his head. I shook my too because he sounded like an idiot.
'Max. Over reacting. I was just joking. I would never get a ride with him. Chill!' I told him at once because I could see were this was going and I didn't want it go there.
We got to the school and I got out and walked off before Max could get to me. I wasn't in the mood to talk to him and sitting next to him in English wouldn't help, maybe he would be mad and just skip the rest of the day, I hoped knowing he wouldn't. But I could hope.
I walked into math and went straight to my desk. But before I could put my stuff in place, Kyle walked up. And seeing that I was already mad at Max for not wanting me to talk or ever ask for a ride from him, I did anyway, 'Kyle, can you give me a ride home today? Max doesn't want me to get a ride from you, for some weird reason, but are you to fighting? I thought you to were like best buds?'
He look at me like, 'what?' but in stead he just said, 'Yea, I'll give you a ride home and no, Max and I aren't fighting, so I don't know what his problem is. Wait, why don't you get a ride with him?' He was puzzled, so was I so I wasn't surprised.
'Oh, well he got defensive when I asked him this morning about getting a ride with you and because he said, and I quote 'My brother and I are going to camping till Monday and we are leaving after lunch'.' I remembered him saying that much but before Kyle could say anything the teacher, Mrs. Mason, who wasn't married, nor related to my English teacher. Class was boring, and I didn't want to go to English, knowing I would be stuck next to him. For a whole hour. Pain!
The bell rang, and I got up slowly. During my hour of math, I had made my mind up, that I was going to do something Max wouldn't want me to do. What he didn't know, wouldn't hurt him. So I caught up to Taylor and Kyle after class an asked if they wanted to go to the beach, I wanted a break and the beach was a prefect place to relax, also because Kyle would get to see me in a swimsuit and I knew he would be telling Max about that. I felt bad for making that plan, but I needed it.
When I walked in to Mr. Mason's room, great English. To my surprise Max wasn't there. I was kind of relived though. It was quite at the desk with out him there. It would be a long weekend.
Lunch was a blur, and so were the rest of my classes. After school, Kyle caught up with me and gave me a ride home. He wasn't like Max who tried to talk. He stayed quite until I said something. 'So, Kyle. Do you want to come in?' I asked as soon as we pulled up to my apartment buildings. 'Yea!' he said with a big smile on his face. I knew he would so I let him in. We went to my room. I got on my bed and he sat on the other end.
'So Jessica, why are you being so nice?' he asked, but that wasn't a normal question. It scared me, had he caught on?
'What are you talking about? I just thought you might want to come in, hang out.' He look at me like I was a bad guy. Was I?
He left because my mother had called to see if I was home and I wasn't ready for the sex talk with my mom, well at least not again. So I sat up all night thinking about Max. I felt bad. But it was his fault, okay so it wasn't but I didn't see why Kyle was bad. I liked him but whatever.
I canceled my plans with Taylor and Kyle. I didn't feel like hanging out. I sat around the apartment Saturday and Sunday. Monday I had to go to school, mandatory. Or my mom said. I hadn't been paying attention to the calendar but when I look at it today it said March 12. Man it was already March, my birthday only being a couple weeks a way. I didn't want to think about that.
-- The walk and the talk --
I ended up walking to school. Kyle didn't answer and Max wasn't out side and I wasn't asking Taylor for a ride, she already lived far.
The walk was horrible, cold and wet. The walk gave me something to think about. As I walked, I remembered that my little brother, Colton, was planning a trip down here in April. I really didn't want him to come down here. I was afraid that he would get attached to the big city and never want to leave. As much as I loved him, I also loved my privacy. Maybe I could call him and talk him in till waiting to the summer and I would go to Texas for a month or two. Would that be mean or selfish? Maybe I should try, it wasn't like he wanted to see are mom. He was mad at her for everything that had happened and I could understand why. He had always been the mamma's boy. He was hurt when they split up and deiced to spend time with are dad, I stayed with my mom, but it go worse over time and there was no way to fix it. So my mom moved out here and I moved with her, leaving Colton with my dad. That was the hardest goodbye.
I tried calling him, but he didn't answer. I would try again. While I was walking I past an art building. When I looked into the window there was a drawing, a young girl, looked to be about 6, holding a baby boy or maybe a toddler boy, about 2 years old maybe. It reminded me of a picture that I had in my room, I had made a copy for Colton before I left. I went in to the art store, and saw the painting up close. It was beautiful, I loved it. I looked around, to make no one was around, and grabbed my phone out of my pocket and snapped a picture. I sent it to my dad, my brother and my mom. When I walked out of the store, I felt a tear trickle down my face. I wouldn't break down here. I walked to school, wanting to cry.
When I got to the front of the school, I stood there for a minute. I started thinking, maybe I should just go home, but I didn't. I walked into the school and went straight to my first class, not in the mood to talk to any one. I sat down at my desk and then I heard some one call my name, 'Jessica? Jessica?' but I didn't look up, Kyle walked up to my desk. I had never realized he was in this class. He looked at me and then asked, 'Are you okay?' I wondered what he was talking about.
'Yea, I'm fine. Why do you ask?' I went to grab my bag to get a mirror. When I saw my face, I was surprised. It looked like I had been crying. Had I been crying? No. I was just sitting there, nothing different.
'Have you been crying?' I wondered. 'What's wrong?' When I looked at him, I could see he was concerned. 'your not-'he hesitated'-pregnant are you?' I looked at him. He was frowning now.
'You're crazy! Of course not. Who would I be, eh, pregnant by? That is just crazy!' I'm going to kill him if he says by Max. he will be dead! He looked like he wanted to laugh. I wanted to laugh at the thought.
'Well, I was think maybe, you were pregnant with M-' I interrupted him before he could see his name, 'If you say his name. I will kill you.' Kyle laughed. I didn't find it all that funny. The second bell rang. Kyle sat down fast and I was glad that he did. If we would have gone on with that conversation I would have had to kill him and I wasn't ready for murder on my recorded. Ms. Mason told the class that we would have an essay do in two weeks and that we had to write about the person we miss the most, and she went on to asked me, 'Jessica, your new here. Who is one person you miss the most from '' she couldn't remember where I had come from and I said completed he sentence , 'Texas. The person I miss the most from Texas, is my little brother, Colton.' I could feel my eyes tearing up but I tried not cry in class as much as possible. 'You can right about all the fun times you had with him or even the sad times.' I tried to hold the back the tears that were suddenly about to flow. I stopped them before they could roll over my eyes, nobody notice at all.
The bell finally rang. I walked out in to the hallway and went to my locker so that way I could cry. I put my face slightly inside the locker and the tears fell fast. Somebody tapped me on the shoulder. I hit my head on the side of the locker, really hard, that would leave a bruise and pain later. I turned around to see Kyle's face, he looked worried.
'Kyle! Oh my gosh. You scared me. What do you want?!' I sounded horrible and very rude to a guy, a guy who wanted to help me. I felt very bad.
'Um, well I was coming to tell you that Max wants to talk to you but I can see that you are not in such a great mood to talk to him, but can is there anything I can do? I hate seeing you cry, what is wrong?' Kyle was a lot nicer then a lot of guys and I could tell that he wasn't like a lot of guys, he was different. Better.
'I miss my little brother.' I said before I could really think about it.
'Oh, do you want a shoulder to cry on?' he asked willingly, even thought he knew his friend liked me.
'That would help a lot.' I said hoping he really didn't mind. He took my body and held me close, my head sat prefect on his shoulder. I cried a little bit, but then I realize that class had started, and Kyle and I sat there in the hallway, my head on his shoulder. It was like he was my boyfriend and I was his girlfriend. This felt nice, and then he surprised me when he asked, 'Do you want a ride home?' and to my surprise I said, 'yes.'
Kyle took me to my apartment and made me let him walk me to my door. Then he asked, 'Can I come in?' I didn't know what to say but I said, 'Yes.' And let him in with me. I went to sit on the sofa and he came up next to me, he sat down and put his arm around me, I think I was starting to like him. I laid my head on his shoulder, and then he looked at me, 'Jessica, can I ask you something?' I looked at him and I wasn't sure if I wanted to know what he wonted.
'Of course.' I said, I wasn't going to mess this up.
'Nothing'' he didn't want to tell me, man. Another secret.
'Please'' I told him with my sweet voice.
'Well, I'm going to sound, well, pushy.' He said looking away. I didn't know if I really wanted to know something I could tell him, or that it was something stupid.
'Kyle, ask me anything. I won't lie. I promise.' I said, lying about not lying, how ironic. When I looked up, he was shocked. I wasn't sure if he was shocked because he knew I would lie if I had to or if he was shocked that I could trust him with the truth but he was shocked, no doubt about that.
'Do you have feelings for ''he gulped'- um, Max?' I wished I would have let it go now. I wasn't sure how to answer that, I was a little surprised he had asked that. I had never really thought about that and I tried to think fast now, faster then I would have ever. I still wasn't sure how I felt about him. At first, I thought maybe I did but now sitting here with Kyle, I realized I didn't really feel anything for him. Well, maybe I did, I was confused and I wasn't sure what to say to him. I wanted so bad to say yes but at the same time I wanted to say no. What in the world was I going to tell him?
'Um, I really don't know. I mean, I thought I did but, I don't really know.' I said looking down, I didn't want to look up to see his face, shocked or sad. I didn't really want to know, I was scared. More then anything thing, I was scared of what he thought. I looked up, to see him staring at me. Eyes wide, but his face was hard to read.
'How about know?' and he kissed me. His big, hot lips against mine. At first, I didn't like it, I thought, 'yes, you are pushy,' but after a few seconds, I let my self into the kiss, and I liked it. I guess I didn't have feelings for Max, and I was glad to be sitting here, on the sofa, Kyle's arm around, and my lips against his. It felt different, better, wonderful.
He pulled away, after about 10 seconds, needing breath. He looked dizzy, but kept his arm around me. I need a breath to, but I wasn't going to pull away from that kiss even if I turned blue. I think he could tell, and I didn't care. The look on his face was, breath taking. He was smiling but his eyes read another story. His smile read, 'she liked it, I knew she would. I can't believe it. She really liked it.' But his eyes read, 'how can I do this? How can I take the girl my best bud is crushing on? How can I be so low, I can't take her away from Max. She means so much to him! I cant believe I can like her so much, I don't know her. Come on man, stop it, she isn't yours.' I wondered if that was what he was really thinking or if that was what I wanted to think he thought.
'Wow,' I said, really meaning it. I was amazed how good that felt. I wished he would kiss me again, I wish I could get my body to work with me. 'wow ''I said again'- that was well, wow.' That was all I could say.
He laughed and then sighed,' You're just saying that. Saying that to make me feel good. Tell me the truth.' I looked at him, my second thought had been right and by the way he looked my words wouldn't change that. So I throw myself at him. My lips touch him, and though I had thrown myself fast and hard, my kiss was soft. I pulled back after a second or two and looked at his face. He looked confused. I smiled. And then he did the weirdest thing, he kissed the edge of my lip. He led his lips down the side of my throat and then back to my lips. He kissed me with passion and then, throw him self at me. In a second I was lying back on the sofa and Kyle was on top of me, not hard but holding me down. He was getting more into it, and we were slightly intertwining. I liked his body on mine. As we got more and more comfortable with each other, his phone rang, and let it ring. It stopped, and then again rang. I pulled my face from him and told him, 'If who ever id calling you, is calling again, then it must be important. You may want to answer it.' He sighed then took his phone out of his pocket, look at who was calling and then looked at me like he wasn't sure if he should answer the phone. He still answered it, 'hello?' he smiled down at me. 'Yea Max. I took her home.' He took a death breath, 'No Max, I am not with her.' I knew he hated to lie. 'Max. Chill. She wasn't feeling good, she didn't want to stay at school, but she knew her mom would be mad if she had asked her to pick her up in the middle of the day.' He wasn't lying, right now. There was a long pause. 'Max, you need to chill. She wasn't your girl, she has her own life-'he reminded him'-and she didn't have to talk to you. I'm sorry Max, but you are over reacting. I'm am really not with her, I'm at home. I felt sick to and decided, to go home.' He was mad now, Max was giving him a hard time and I thought he would have believed him because for a second I did to. He shut his phone hard and then put his phone back in his pocket. He was mad at ether something Max had told him or that he been lying to Max. I couldn't tell. And then he tried to start are kissing fest again, but it wasn't working. I pushed my face back, 'Kyle? What is wrong? If you're mad because you had to lie, call Max back and tell the truth!' He looked at me. 'Silly Jessica. I'm mad because of what he said about you, he thinks you are, well, his girl. I don't get why because it's not like you to ever were together.' He laughed slightly. Why did Max have to be so rude to nice people. 'Wow, so where were we?' I asked, I already knew and so did he. He kissed me once and the sat up. 'Kyle, look. I like Max, but I like you to, I'm not sure, but I don't want you to stop kissing me, but it feels wrong to be kissing you, while I have feelings for Max.' I gulped. How was he going to take that? 'Oh, well maybe we can be friends but, well more then friends. Behind Max's back.' He smiled and I smiled, 'That would work. I would like that a lot. But lets start with this-' and I moved my lips slowly against his. This would be hard but I had to make it work. Friends with benefits. My last thought, and then I was kissing to passionately with Kyle that I forgot what I really wanted to think or even say. He left around five because my mom would be home soon and she didn't need to see me like this. That wouldn't be the safest thing for me, and even more importantly for Kyle, she would want to kill him. As he left, my last thought crept back into my head, friends with benefits. Friends with benefits. Benefits'
-- Friends with Benefits --
I lied down in my bed to sleep. Well not to sleep but to think. I hated this. I hated being confused about everything. I was new to this big town thing but if this is what the big town thing is all about then I guess I was already good at it because I've know got two boys, basically fighting over me, but not really fighting. One is willing to keep it a secret and the other wants every one to know. Could I handle that? I wasn't sure, my little brother would have had a word for this, player. Basically what I had been calling him for the longest time because he had dated all the girls in town. Was I a player now? Man, I kind of am.
I woke up to the sound my alarm clock. I wasn't sure if I wanted to go to school, but I did any ways. I got up, went and took a shower. I need the hot water, it was refreshing, clean. When I went back to my room, towel rapped around my body, and the air blowing against my skin. I got some old, ripped jeans and one of my flannel shirts. Something I knew my mother would hate me wearing because the shirt was big, and didn't flow on my body like she would want it to. I had a lot more shirts like these from living in Texas because I liked to have fun, and wearing tight shirts isn't fun if you have to keep pulling the back of the shirt down. I put on the pants and then grabbed a under shirt, and buttoned up the flannel shirt. I sat down at my make up table, even though I never wore make up, I still like to have it in my room. I brushed my hair and the put my hair up in a pony tail. I grabbed my bag of the couch, in the same place were I had left it yesterday. I walked out almost forgetting that my keys were in my back pack and that was in the apartment. I went back in and grabbed it. I didn't want to take my back pack today, to big. I walked out, intending on walking to school again, but like my second day Max sat there, waiting for me.
He got out of the car and walked over to me, 'Hi.' He acted like he hadn't seen me in a year. 'So, are you feeling better?' He knew I did, or I wouldn't have walked out ready for school, what would he have done if I hadn't come out?
'I'm fine, just a little out of it right now.' I said, I wasn't out of it because I felt sick but because I felt like a, like a player. 'How was your day, yesterday?' I was trying to keep him talking, make me feel a little less, well like a player. Selfish.
'Eh, the day would have been better if you were there.' He smiled. He was trying to get to the subject I really didn't want to talk about. 'Funny, You know how Kyle took you home-'he tried to smile at his name, but it didn't work'-, well I guess you got him sick or something and he went home, too. How funny.' I knew what he was thinking, I was a little mad that he wouldn't believe him, not that he had a reason too but Kyle lied very well to him, I almost believed him and I knew it was a lie. He opened the door for me and I got in, he waiting for me and then shut the door behind me. We didn't speak the whole way to the school; he kept his eyes on the road.
We got to the school and I got out before he could get out and open the door for me. I walked to class, I wanted to see Kyle but while I was walking, Max did something different, something I never thought of him capable. He grabbed my hand and stopped me before I went into the school building, and turned me around to him, 'Jessica, I'm just going to ask you. Do you having any feeling for me, like more then friends?' he gulped once he was done, and his eyes were blank. I didn't want to answer but there was no way to get out of this. I was utterly stuck, and I couldn't get out. I had to give him something. I did but I felt more for Kyle. Kyle, the guy who would be willing to go behind his best friend's back just so he could be with me. Willing to have no one know that we were together. I didn't deserve him, way to go for me and I was the one person who would want him do that, I would let him do that. 'Well, Max. Yea, I do have feeling for you.' He smiled before I could finish. I did have feeling for him but at the same time, I didn't. 'Oh, well can I ask you something, else?' and I wasn't sure what more he would want to know. I was sure that he didn't really would want to know what he was about to ask, his face read scared but his eyes we happy. I knew what he was going to ask before he spoke the words, 'When Kyle took you home yesterday, did he, well did he stay with you, you know in your apartment?' I knew he was going to get to that. Was I going to lie or was I going to say the truth? And then Kyle was behind him, but Max didn't know. He had come to from the other way and I knew he was trying to help me, he mouth the words lie, and thankfully I Max wasn't paying attention to the way my eyes were pointing and since Kyle was to far away for Max to hear him moving his mouth and his breathing. It worked, 'Of course not, Max. He took me home and walked me inside the building so he could make sure I got in, he didn't even take me to the door. I promise you that much.' And I took a deep breath after I said that. He sighed with relief. Good he thought he could trust me. Great job.
Kyle ran around Max fast and acted like he had just shown up. Max believed him and let my hand go. Kyle reached to give me a hug, and I let him. When he let me go, Max put his hand around my waist. I felt worse then before. I walked to class with Kyle because Max's first class was in the office and I didn't want him to be late. He mumbled to Kyle something, but I didn't want to ask. Kyle and walked to class, he asked me random classes, it was a bit of walk and of course we were late but it didn't matter. He passed me a note, ' Can I come over again, you know after Max leaves?' I thought about it for a minute and then realized that he said once Max's leaves.
'What do you mean once Max's leaves?' I sent him the note back.
'He is going to ask if he can come in when he takes you home.' I wrote lightly because the teacher would have heard him.
'Great. Yea you can come over, well actually my mom is supposed to be coming home early so maybe, if you want, I can go over there. Of course you would have to pick me, but that would be a lot easier. You know for my mom.' I passed him the longer not back, and he smiled when he read it.
He wrote lightly against his desk. He laughed to him self, and then tried to make it a cough; the teacher caught on and asked him if there was anything funny, he shook his head. She turned to teach again. Then he passed me the note. I bit my lip to keep from laughing when I read the note, 'Yea that would be cool, call me when he leaves and I'll come up and pick up. How do you plan on getting him to leave? He's so suborned. He plans on getting a kiss from you. Are you ready for that?'
Was I ready for that? Yea because I knew that I would be getting kissing Kyle shortly after, I doubted that we would even make it to his house before we kissed, 'I am so pathetic.' I wrote him back. And to my surprise the bell rang. I knew Max would be waiting in my next class for me so I took my time, Kyle asked, 'why in the world would you think you are pathetic?' he sounded angry but I knew that he wasn't. 'Because of what I'm letting you do, I am messing your friendship up with Max and I don't want to do that.' I put my head on his chest for a brief moment and then he rubbed his hand on my lower back and then up my side. He looked around him to make sure no one was around, and there was absolutely no one in the class, so he kissed me. I didn't want it to stop but I knew it had to, we had class. Class just great.
He walked me to class, and when I got in I went and sat down next to Max. Max passed me a note,' Just in time.ïŠ.' He was too much of a gentleman sometimes and such a loser at other but then again, I felt that way about Kyle, but more. Taylor passed me a note, 'Jess, do you want to hang out Friday night?' I surprised but I was glad that a girl would want to hang out. 'Yea, Taylor that would be cool. What are we doing?' I passed her the note with a little too much power and almost feel out my seat. She laughed at me and so did the people behind us. I blushed bright red, and she wrote fast, 'Well, you know Brook, Mackenzie, Jennifer, and Kaylin? Well they want to go to a movie, but not in town so if you can't get back real late, you can stay at my place after and just not tell your mom were we are going. Is that okay?' I read the note and I tried so hard to remember who Brook, Mackenzie, Jennifer and Kaylin were. I had no memories of them, so I asked to make sure I knew. 'Actually I don't remember any of them. I've heard their names before but faces, I don't know. And yea, a movie sounds cool.' I passed the note back to her, she looked around and then wrote for a while and then stopped and then wrote again. It took a while before she was done.
She passed a the note and it was kind of long, 'Well Brook is the blond that is in your first period, she is tall and kind of slinky. Mackenzie really doesn't go by that, she goes by Kenzie. She's a blond too but she has purple and blue highlights in here hair, its long with layers and side bangs. She is short and slider. Jennifer has black hair, and if short and spiky. She is about as tall as you but isn't as skinny, you have 6th, 7th, and 8th with her; she sits in the front of all the classes. Kaylin is a freshman, actually she is my little sister, so don't worry about her. I'll show you a picture at lunch.' I didn't answer back because the teacher was handing out a test. Damn. I hadn't been paying attention and now, I was screwed.
I didn't know much about was on the test and so I guessed. I knew about half about it, but the other half wasn't as hard as I had thought but I still knew I only got a 65 or 70. But I really didn't care because I knew that would hurt my grade. I finished right when the bell rang. Max asked if I wanted him to wait for me but I said no because I knew he had to get across the school, and this school isn't small at all. It would take him the full five minutes to get that far. I was positive. After he left and gave me a hug, Taylor was by my side and basically yelled at me, 'Oh my gosh,-'she had never been a girl I thought of as preppy but right now she was acting like the cheerleaders, who ever on my second day of school, had named me just another loser, and I was okay with that. '- I am so happy you are up to come Friday. You didn't want to bring your boyfriend did you?' I looked at her, and I already knew that I didn't want to because that would be drama, also because I would have no fun with him their, he wouldn't let me out of his sight, and I would be tied up the whole time. 'No, Taylor. Max should not go, lets make this a-'I never thought I would say these words but'-girls night out.' I hated using that phrase. My mom had used it a lot when I lived in Texas and it had gotten old way to fast.
She looked at me and then said, 'Huh, I thought you were dating Kyle? I saw you to kiss last period, well I saw him kiss you. But if your dating-'I gulped and stopped her before she could go one. 'Taylor. This is difficult, please don't say anything to Max about that, okay? The thing is, I care about both, and I cant make my mind up. But I'm dating Max, Kyle is just there. Please Taylor, please?' I begged her not to say anything to him because that would hurt him a lot and I didn't want that to happen just yet. I wasn't ready to be the reason some one was hurt. She shook her head and said, 'okay, I will not say anything, but you need to be more careful if you are going to do that. Okay?' she said half-hearted. She didn't want to say it but she knew that I didn't have any real friends here and she didn't want to make me feel bad, not yet. So I grabbed my stuff, and walked off to my class. It was next door, so I did really rush.
We were doing are reading in that class, but I had already done it. So I sat there for an hour right a list of everything that Max wasn't and Max was. Also one of what Kyle wasn't and what Kyle was. I came up with a lot of different things and I knew that didn't help. That just made me feel worse, like I couldn't take control of what I would have done. This wasn't going to end well.
At lunch, I sat with Taylor and she showed me who every one was. Once she was done she let me talk to Max. He put his hand around my waist and she looked at me like she was just going to pop and tell him about it all, but she didn't.
The rest of the days went by to fast, Max took me home. And just like Kyle had told me this morning he asked to come in, I had almost forgotten that I was going to call him to come get me after Max left, and I could go to his house.
'Max, what time is it?' Max pulled his phone out of his pocket and then said , '5:15. Why?' okay, so now it was time to put my plan into process. 'Oh shoot! You have to leave. My mom is going to be home, and you aren't supposed to be here. I'm sorry, but you really have to go.' I lied very good, and he believed me. He got of my couch and said, 'can I have a good bye kiss?' and he smiled. 'It's not like your never going to see me again. But okay,' I gave him a one kiss, and he tried to make it more at once but I wanted him out as soon as possible. I pulled back, 'Bye Max. I'll call you later' I smiled and then he left. I walked with him to his car and watched him leave. He yelled bye while he was pulling out, and once he was no long in sight, I ran back to the apartment.
'Kyle?' It didn't sound like him on the phone. 'Yes Jess. Its me, is he gone?' I could tell he was smiling, 'Yea, he is gone. Can you come get me?' I was happy that we could be together still, even if it means behind every one's back. 'Yea Jess. I can get you. I'll call you when I'm outside. Be ready. See you in a minute Jess. Bye' He sounded sad but happy. He was outside in about fifteen minutes and then I almost ran to him. I got in his car, and he drove off. I played with his radio till I found a station I liked and then sang along with most of the songs.
We finally got to his house, and I wasn't surprised. His house was a two story, blue, old house. I liked it. The house had passion. The house had a story. I liked his house a lot better then Max's. Kyle come to my side right as I was opening the door, 'Jessica, before we go into the house, can I ask you something?' his look read, its nothing bad. 'Of course.' I knew nothing would be bad, so I didn't care as much, 'Would you freak if I said my family was here?' he looked away when he said that, 'No, that would be a nice. I can make a lot more fun of you, if your family is here.' I laughed and he laughed. He grabbed my hand, and led me into his house.
When I walked in, I could see the staircase and the living room. They were both beautiful. The living room, was big, like it had originally been two rooms that they changed into one. There was a sofa, and a TV. A beautiful picture hung beside the TV, I walked over to it and saw that it was Kyle, I think his sisters, but they were much older now, because Kyle looked about five and his sisters about nine and ten, and then his parents. Beautiful family. As I looked at the picture, it made me think of my family, I wish that we could have been like this as because even when I was younger, we were never this.
Kyle walked up behind me, but I hadn't noticed. He put his hand around my waist and smiled, 'That's my family.' He had a big smile, a smile that only he could have. He introduced me to his family and they were all so nice. His older sister's name was Carissa and the younger one was named Claire. He was the youngest. His parents were nice, I liked them a lot. We spent a lot of time making fun of Kyle. Kyle kept his arm around me the whole time.
Claire said, 'Jessica, do you want to see something? You'll like it a lot, I promise.' She laughed and then looked at Kyle. I laughed but not because of what she said but because of Kyle's reaction. 'Yea Claire.' Kyle locked me in his arms, what was so bad? 'Claire, I want to show her that in a minute, there is something else I wanted to show her.' Claire glared at him and then he laughed. 'Come on Jessica.' He said. 'Not that I have much of a choice.' I muttered. Carissa was the only one heard me and she laughed to herself.
We walked up the stairs and there was a long hallway. As we walked past room by room, he finally stopped. 'This is my room. It's not much but I like, you don't have to though.' I walked in and looked around. He had a bed in one corner and a desk across from it. His closet door along the left side of the room and there were two shelves on back wall with books and Cd's on lying on these shelves.
Kyle pulled his hand from my side and then picked me up and carried me to his bed. He put me on his bed and then he sat down. Pulled me to him and then I was sitting in front of his with my head against his chest. He was warm, and soft. He kissed me once, and then said, 'been waiting for that.' He smiled and then I processed to tell him, 'Taylor saw you this morning, you know when you decide to break the rules.' He looked at me confused, 'what are you talking about? When I kissed you?' he said softer then I had ever heard him talk. 'Yea, but I made her promise that she wouldn't tell anyone and she did promise.' I smiled and then grabbed his face, and kissed him. He kissed me back and then we started intertwining. We were making out before long, he was on top of me and then I was on top of him, we moved a lot when we kissed like this. He was strong, but he was gentle when he was around me. It was like he was a soldier who had been gone for many years in a war and had just gotten home. I liked this, not having to worry about people walking in and seeing us. One of his sisters walked in and said,' Oh, I guess I'll give you two some alone time.' She shut the door and then I heard two laughs. I was embarrassed. My phone rang in my pocket; I pushed Kyle off of me and saw that it was my mom, 'Oh snap.' I said realizing it was later then I had thought, I picked up the phone, 'Hello.' I was look down at Kyle while he held me up, he mouthed who is it? Max or your mom? I mouthed back, my mom. Kyle sighed in relief. My mother was screaming into the phone, 'Jessica Caitlyn James! Were in the world are you? You have had me scared to-'I stopped her mid-sentence, 'Mom, chill. I'm had a project to do, I'm at my partners house; he is going to take me home.' I said, trying to calm her down so that she wouldn't over react but I knew she still would. 'Jessica you need to come home right now! It is almost 10pm!' She wasn't mad but she was trying to sound mad. 'Okay mom, I'll be home in an hour, he lives really far. Bye mom.' I hung up before she could tell me anything. Kyle looked at me and then asked, 'Why did you say an hour? You will be home in 20 minutes tops.' I laughed because he didn't get why I wanted to stay with him for a little bit longer. I told him, 'Because I wanted to do this before I have to leave'' I pushed myself against him and kissed him for a long second. It was nice, but he said I had to go home so he carried me to the car, even after I told him to put me down, he wouldn't. though.
He got me in the car and then drove me home. When we were sitting in front of my building when he asked, 'Can you do something for me?' I could only answer yes, 'of course.' He smiled and then grabbed my hand. 'Well to night, while we in my room, I was think about something, that I can not avoid anymore.' He was looked down, still holding my hand. 'what sweetie? You can tell me anything!' he smiled a little but it wasn't a real smile, 'I don't want you to lie to me okay?' and I thought he was thinking I lied to him, 'of course sweetie. I would never lie to you.' He looked smug 'Sweetie, do you have more feelings for me or for-'he hesitated at his name'-Max?' I looked at him because he thought he knew the answer, 'babe, I have more feeling for you then any one. I like Max but I love you.' And he looked at me scared because I had never told him that I loved him and then it hit me, I couldn't do this. I have to break up with Max, I cant keep this, I have too. This will not go on any longer. 'I love you too, and that's why I cant let you be with me and Max. I wont you to make your decision. Me or Max.' I had my choice made be for he had to say it. 'You.' I smiled, kissed him goodbye and got out of the car. As I walked to the down, it didn't bother me that I was allow or that my mom was already asleep when I got home. I lied awake for a while. And then I feel in to a deep sleep'