“Who am I today?” I wondered as I opened my eyes as the sun filtered into my room between my mustard yellow curtains. My 5:30 am alarm blared in my right ear warning me to quickly get out of bed. I took my hand and touched my hair, it was long and full. Am I a female today? I asked myself.  A body length mirror stood next to my bed so that every morning I could see which body I woke up in that day. For the past seven years, I’ve been waking up in a different body everyday but it was still me. I had all the memories and knowledge I had obtained prior to that day and every single day before that. I kept every emotion, all the pain, the guilt and happiness that I had experienced.

At first, my condition was hard to control; I met multiple people in my life that I wanted to build a relationship with, but the next day, they wouldn’t recognize me and I would have to start over again, only to end up back where I started over and over again.

Every morning was a surprise. I had to wake up, accept the body I had woken up in and then spend a large portion of my morning figuring out what I would wear to fit the body. Although I’ve been doing it for the past seven years, some days were always harder than others, and today I found it especially difficult to open my eyes and look at my body because today was a special day. My friend of almost fifteen years, Kenji was coming to visit me. He’s the only person in my life besides my parents that know of my condition.

My second alarm bellowed through my room, reminding me that it was almost 5:50 am and if I didn’t get out of bed in the next ten minutes I wouldn’t make it on time to meet Benji. Just do it Winnie, it’s nothing new. I told myself and rolled over to look at myself in mirror.

Today… today I was an middle aged lady, with graying hair and a slightly wrinkled forehead and cheeks. My hair was long and full and fell down right below my breasts. I was taller than the average woman and had a thin figure. Well this is bad, I’m going to look at least 10 years older than Benji today… I thought and sluggishly walked into the restroom.

In the restroom, I washed my face, brushed my teeth and packed makeup onto my face, trying to minimize my wrinkles. I tied half of my hair up and curled the ends with a curling iron. Dissatisfied but accepting of the end product, I walked out of my restroom and walked into my closet, full of clothes for people of all sizes and genders. After careful and long contemplation, I pulled on some light blue jeans and a red turtleneck sweater and finished the outfit with some UGG boots.

I turned around to look at how I looked like in the mirror and looked up at the clock, only to realize that it was already 7:30 am. I had planned to meet Benji at the train station at 8:00 am. The train station was a mere five minute walk from my home but I enjoyed my breakfast time. I hurriedly rushed out of my room and into my kitchen and hastily made myself a bowl of cereal and started boiling water for my coffee.

Finally at peace, I sat on my dining table and enjoyed my cereal and coffee. What would Kenji think of me today? I wondered. “Will he accept me for the way I am like he’d always had?”

After savoring my breakfast by eating cereal and drinking coffee quietly, I looked over to the clock and it read 7:53 am. I got up out of my chair, placed my dishes in the sink and ran to get my coat, wallet and keys.

Outside I fumbled with my wallet and keys, clearly nervous about my meeting with Kenji. It's going to be alright, Winnie.  I repeated to myself over and over again. After closing my door, I rushed down the stairs and hurriedly walked down Young Street. A quick two to three minute walk where I turned right and walked up a flight of stairs would lead me right to the Granada Train Station.

During the entire walk there, I looked around, remembering the memories that I created with multitudes of people since the day I arrived there, the happiness that I was able to feel because these people were so kind to let me into their lives. But they don’t recognize me now so those memories are as good as dead. I told myself and tried to stop thinking about the past. As I neared the right turn to the stairs leading up the train station, I felt my heart beating faster and faster in my chest. “Thump, thump, thump” my heart pounded in my chest, reminding me of my feelings of nervousness and hesitance. I stood at the bottom of the stairs and looked up at the extensive amount of stairs that stood before me and took a deep breath. I started up the stairs, taking them two by two. When I arrived at the top of the stairs, I looked into the train station through the sliding glass doors and looked for a familiar body frame. I scanned the station from left to right but I could not find Kenji’s familiar body shape. It was always me that was always late but today Kenji was nowhere to be seen. Confused because Kenji was never one to be late, I walked through the sliding glass doors.

Inside, I sat on the third bench in from the left side of the station, the one that Kenji and I always met at and put on my blue leather bracelet that Kenji gave me so that he could identify me. A few minutes later an elderly man, about ten to fifteen years older than me came and sat down next to me on the bench. At first, I thought nothing of it but he kept on staring at me and then my blue leather bracelet. After about five minutes of awkward silence, I asked him if I could help him. He looked up at me, and hesitantly mumbled something. “Excuse me sir? Could you please repeat that again.” I asked.

He straightened his body and looked straight into my eyes and said, “Hi, Winnie. It's me. Kenji. I have the same condition that you have. I’m sorry that I don’t look quite myself today.”